FemaleUnited StatesMember since 15 Mar 12Age 29Last online 4 years ago

Telling stories has always been a passion of mine, and I have been writing since at least the 2nd grade. Fantasy is my favorite: the romance and darkness of the medieval era with a touch of magic - the perfect place to craft a story.

  • SileasRouhe
    6 years agoReply
    Wonderful descriptions. After such visual descriptions, the sentence {Hopping on the horse they ran out into the meadow} seemed fairly generic. For such an important moment in someone's life, I think it should feel more dramatic: the stallion, sensing the importance of his rider's mission, burst from the barn at a gallop, racing through the meadow to the forest beyond.

    Great start! As far as hashing out more of the story, try asking questions and writing the answers out on paper: what was the girl from the mother's story running from. What of the girl's siblings: is there one that she regrets leaving behind or would she rather be rid of them all?
    Like Mother Like Daughter
    Like Mother Like...
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    This is my first piece I have published on movellas! It is about the repeating nature of our past. Let me no what you think :) I also entered it into the Picture Prompt competition and check it out! Tell...
    Livvy
    6 years ago
    I totally agree with the hopping on a horse, I attempted to add more imagery to it.
    SileasRouhe
    6 years ago
    Bravo. Much better! Keep it up. :)
    Livvy
    6 years ago
    thank you!!!
  • SileasRouhe
    6 years agoReply
    This is a good start. I think in the beginning you need to define the "He" as the husband so he is not confused with the Marquis. I almost want a little bit more of an introduction leading into her ride to the house - maybe a little more about husband's obliviousness, not only to love, but to the situation. The other thing that stood out to me is this: you start half of your paragraphs with "she." I always find that mixing up the opening to a paragraph makes what your are reading more interesting. One sentence that stood out to me was, "She loved the marquis so much." Try instead: The marquis commanded her love. (or) What love should have been given to her husband she felt in its entirety for the marquis.

    Just some thoughts. It is a great start and I am curious to see where it goes. Does our "she" have a name yet?
    The Heart Is A Lonely Rider
    The Heart Is A Lon...
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    A young women comes of age
  • SileasRouhe
    6 years agoReply
    Very nice. This being the first piece I have read for the fashion comp, you story was not what I expected - which is great! You grasp an important subject in that industry and looking at if from the perspective of the model is very effective.
    Perfection.
    Perfection.
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    This is my entry for the fashion competition. I chose to do the model storyline. I listened to Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright when writing this. Please comment and click like if you like it!
    Em :)
    6 years ago
    thank you! Please hit like!
  • SileasRouhe
    6 years agoReply
    You forgot the "m" on mask in the second to last line. Stories that stray from the norm as far as the "hero" of the story are always intriguing. Keep building!
    The Darkness
    The Darkness
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    Instead of writing about a hero who saves humans, this is about someone who likes to kill them... not the most likely main character.
  • SileasRouhe
    6 years agoReply
    This has a very dark, haunting air to it. It makes me want to see what led up to this moment.
    What my world became
    What my world beca...
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    The song i wrote this too was we are broken by paramore :) any other songs that suit it please comment! hope you like it.
    Em :)
    6 years ago
    So, is that good or bad?:P
    SileasRouhe
    6 years ago
    It is good. It makes me want to read more. :)
    Em :)
    6 years ago
    oh okay, thank you :)
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