Member since 19 Jun 12Age 28Last online 6 years ago

I am a feminist, ex-travelling Brit who likes to write, read, edit, review, sing, play video games and drink tea. Oh, and wear hats, pet cats and fight crime.

  • Sidian J

    Reading and Reviewing

    6 years agoReply
    1 Like
    This weekend I intend to get some extensive reading done of all the fine fanfic in this group, and I was just wondering if any authors have any particular areas they'd like focusing on for some concrit. I admit outright I'm a little shaky on reviewing plot, but I'll still give it a shot!
  • Sidian J
    6 years agoReply
    Please check out my submissions!
    BrotherhoodAn impotent visionary seeks purpose through his family life. An experiment in summary fiction. The youth of a blood elf magister.
    deals with the unresolved personal disasters that occur when you live in a war-torn world.
    ObituaryLydon, a necromancer of the Scourge, seeks second life amongst his victims: the free undead. Bleak and gory, examining the Forsaken prior to the fall of...
    is an experimental first-person piece dealing with the Forsaken and the Scourge.
    Valley of the HordeThrown into the midst of the Stonetalon conflict, a mismatched group struggles to reach a friendly Horde settlement before injury, the furious Kaldorei...
    is an adventure story in the making, and aims to bring out the clashes and collaborations that tend to occur when your faction is as pieced together as the Horde.

    But most of all, best of luck to all the entrants on the last day!
  • Sidian J
    6 years agoReply
    Right, submitted the first couple bits of my final entry, Obituary!
    ObituaryLydon, a necromancer of the Scourge, seeks second life amongst his victims: the free undead. Bleak and gory, examining the Forsaken prior to the fall of...
    Please give it (and the other two, Brotherhood and Valley of the Horde) a look, though be mindful of the warnings in the summary.
  • Sidian J
    6 years agoReply
    I found this an interesting read because it's a really good example of persuasive writing. You've got the professional-yet-passionate voice down perfectly, so it reads as a believable article in a magazine.

    That said, the entry felt incomplete as a stand-alone piece. I know it has that “excerpt” tag at the bottom, but the way it trails off diminishes it as a successful piece of fiction. It doesn't provide a kink in the tail sorta ending for comedy (which I think the opening summary of the author as a face melter led me to expect) and it doesn't provide a solid culmination of her point if you meant to play it straight. I suppose I found myself expecting some typically goblin-creative solutions to the issue toward the end, or something in that vein, and was left hanging when the article cut off instead. Perhaps there’s some room for expansion?

    I know that sounds overly negative, but it’s only because it started so strongly that I was looking forward to a similarly impressive end. Your prose is fantastically crisp and precise, though you may want to watch out for those semi-colons: the clauses on either side of a semi-colon need to be complete sentences in their own right, unless you’re using a transitionary word like “however” or “otherwise”, or if the semi-colons are acting as dividing punctuation between items in a list.
    The Economics of Eco-friendly Living
    The Economics of...
    One goblin's take on preserving Azeroth's environment in the World of Warcraft.
  • Sidian J
    6 years agoReply
    You’ve got a good starting premise here with the need to save Vereesa. It always annoyed me that Sylvanas doesn’t seem to get any interaction with her sisters in the Warcraft universe, so it’s awesome you’re trying to fix that.

    There are a few formatting changes that would make your story much more readable, though. Make sure you put a space after the full stop at the end of each sentence as well as between words. When you’re punctuating speech, you want to put a comma after the last sentence in the speech, and before the closing speech mark. Then you put a space after the closing speech mark. Some examples from your story so you can see what I mean:

    “Who mocks me?” I yelled.

    “Come out and I may not kill you,” I shouted. Alleria walked in, her eyes focused on me.

    “Sister,” Alleria whispered.

    Oh, and don’t be afraid of the word “said” either! My English teachers at school used to go on about never using “said”, but if you look in published books you’ll see it’s used all the time. That’s because it’s kind of an invisible word. It makes sure the reader knows who’s speaking so they don’t get confused, but it doesn’t affect the way the actual speech is meant to be spoken. That means it puts all the attention on the speech itself, which is, after all, the most important information.

    Oh, and on a side note, I loved “skeleton crew” as a description of the Forsaken. I’m pretty sure that’s all they are to Sylvanas really. ^^;

    Lookin’ forward to more chapters, and best of luck in the contest!
    World of Warcraft
    World of Warcraft
    The world of warcraft from the eyes of Sylvanas Windrunner-We are the Forsaken. We will slaughter anyone who stands in our way.”.She is a queen of the undead a zombie queen.
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