MaleUnited KingdomMember since 26 Mar 13Age 21Last online 2 years ago

  • SeanIC
    4 years agoReply
    This is a really good story that has a well established atmosphere. It also nice and short and gets straight to the point. I can't really think of any criticisms but i do have one question. The girl's name, Topsy, is that a real name? Anyway that aside this is an amazing story and will definitely give mine a run from my money in the competition. I would also appreciate if you read mine it's called "Exodus".
    Oppression
    Oppression
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    176
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    Be careful about what you say, because there are eyes everywhere, just waiting for you to say one wrong thing.
  • SeanIC
    4 years agoReply
    As I promised I read your story (or at least one of them) and it think it is very well done. Both the tension and the mystery you managed to include in such a short story is amazing and I can't wait for more. I only have two small complaints, firstly at one point you mention the guard having tented glasses when I assume you meant tinted and secondly when you mention the guy called Manson I got a bit confused because he's never referred to as Manson before that point. But apart from those two complaints it's still a very tight story.
    Alienated and Dying
    Alienated and Dyin...
    25
    2392
    37
    We alienated ourselves from the help of the others, the other planets. Now orange fog looms over the surface of the earth. The air is dusty, and the humans are in hiding. A few days remain before we burn;...
    cassidynmc
    4 years ago
    Thanks so much for the CC, and I'll fix what you mentioned. Thanks for telling me, because I wouldn't have caught those mistakes :)
    Good luck in the comp. :)
  • SeanIC
    4 years agoReply
    You have a fantastic writing style it's very poetic. I wish i had more to say but your story is perfect for what it is. Oh and if you have the time could you read my story? I've also entered the contest.
    The Dark World
    The Dark World
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    887
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    Pandora has been Colonised for unimaginable lengths of time, and as such, the pollution from its factories and mines has blocked out its dying sun. A father and a daughter sit in the total darkness, and...
    Peter134
    4 years ago
    Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
    I liked your story: it's cool and interesting. I liked it.
    I would say may the best man win, but to be honest that's probably going to be you, so I hope good luck will do.
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