FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 13 May 12Age 36Last online 10 months ago

Ever since I can remember picking up a pen, I've wanted to write stories. My dream is to one day go from being a writer to becoming an author.

On my website, I blog about how I'm getting on and share useful information I've learnt to help other writers in the same position as me. I also maintain a calendar with details of competitions that I am aware of. Feel free to check it out at http://www.alisonaldridge.co.nr/

  • Redfae

    mumbled "Updated Drift"

    11 months agoReply
    I've updated another chapter of Drift to Movella. Now 10 chapters on here.

    My New Year resolution was to post one a day so I've somehow lost two days this year - no idea where they went? I wonder what I go up to...
  • Redfae
    1 years agoReply
    Blown away by the alternative too!
    The Trailer Book
    The Trailer Book
    10
    2316
    16
    A place for me to store and display some of the trailers that I've edited. This is not a store.
  • Redfae
    1 years agoReply
    Wow that was amazing!
    The Trailer Book
    The Trailer Book
    10
    2316
    16
    A place for me to store and display some of the trailers that I've edited. This is not a store.
  • Redfae

    mumbled "Trying to keep my resolution - eek!"

    1 years agoReply
    Trying to post a chapter everyday is tricky... I didn't post a chapter last night but today's chapter is twice as long (I hoped that makes up for it).

    I'd love to know if anyone else is trying to post daily to one of their stories.
  • Redfae
    1 years agoReply
    1 Like
    I was a bit confused by the start of this chapter. At the start he says he is "magically" lying in a bed. The rest all seemed more normal in a therapists office. The therapist feels a bit creepy - I never trust people that insist I can trust them "this is a safe place", he gives off the vibe that he is prying about the mum and that he knows more about the death - although, that could be my imagination running riot lol.

    I love the description "like ravens pecking at my drums" and "his big green eyes drooped sadly on his face"

    The first sentence of paragraph 3 needs some tweaking.

    "Jewel, was it?" I'm not sure what the therapist is asking here. Is he checking he has the right patient - just seemed a little odd... I may have interpreted it wrong.

    You say his mother's voice is like a leech=a blood sucking parasite. Is that correct? When I read the first chapter I pictured her voice as something soothing and beautiful.

    I darting my eyes back my eyes back to him, stunned by his choice of words <--- needs some tweaking. I'd suggest: My eyes darted back to him, stunned by his choice of words,

    I'm not sure how you hold your ears and turn the alarm off at the same time. Maybe tweak it so he holds his ears whilst the therapist turns it off... just an idea?

    I stared the entire time. <--- not sure this is needed?

    The last sentence needs tweaking. I suggest: But the strangest part of all this... I would have been ok with that.

    The last paragraph is really deep and thoughtful. The whole chapter sets more intrigue.

    Please let me know if this is the sort of feedback you are looking for or if it is too much :)

    Mighty
    Mighty
    3
    553
    5
    In an attempt to get over the guilt of his mother's death, Jewel Hynson seeks answers within his traumatic dreams; dreams that may lead to the identity of his mother's murderer. (Art by Aykut Aydoğdu ||...
    Redfae
    1 years ago
    I'm glad you found it useful. I'll try to log online one evening and give you more feedback for your other chapters (my work lunch break isn't a great opportunity for giving it my full attention) x
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