FemaleUnited StatesMember since 12 Oct 14Age 18Last online 3 years ago

  • Pillowcase
    3 years agoReply
    :) Nice Job :)
    Random Stuff About Life
    Random Stuff About...
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    Just some random things about life! Copyright © 2015 by Hermione10 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including...
  • Pillowcase
    3 years agoReply
    Okay This looks great. I am getting a little confused between Lilly and Rose. You need to further develop these characters. For instance is Lilly short or tall? Does Rose have brown hair or black hair? You get the drift. You could say things like Rose brushed her long black hair into a pony tail. So far, it looks good. I hope you will update soon!
    Sherlock's Kids
    Sherlock's Kids
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    Lilly and Rose don't know much about their father. Thy can't wait to meet him, and find out why he left their mother. To make things more complicated, they are starting at a new school everything is...
  • Pillowcase
    3 years agoReply
    Beautiful. You really are a beautiful poet
    Neverending Nightmares
    Neverending Nightm...
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    No words can describe the horror on the pages, Scary stories have been around for centuries and ages, And the best part about giving these stories to you, Is that who knows what's fake, and who knows...
  • Pillowcase
    3 years agoReply
    Awesome start. Make sure to return and indent during dialogue. Also, who's vic?
    Hurricance Of Emotions
    Hurricance Of Emot...
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    Noelle used to date Vic, until he cheated. Of course it meant nothing to him, but Noelle didn't care; even though she's pregnant with Vic's kids. After 4 years, Noelle and Vic meet. Noelle, being her precautionary...
    Mrs. Perry
    3 years ago
    Vic is Noelle's ex and Hazel and Justin's dad. I'll fix the dialogue as well.
  • Pillowcase
    3 years agoReply
    ah! This will be a very good book! It looks like you have some great ideas! I looks like you did in fact try to split this chapter into 5 paragraphs, but you are doing the paragraphs incorrectly you return once, and press tab or make 5 spaces. You do not need that extra gap. Also it would be great if I new what Otom looked like. I get that you have the whole kind of dystopian, person doesn't fit in kind of book, but I need a little more explanation of Otom. Does he look human? You have very good sentence structure and word choice. Also you should probably add more pronouns to add to the flow. Looks like an awesone start :) Update soon!
    All in Good Time
    All in Good Time
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    We are not alone in this universe. Not just galaxies and stars, but darkness and light reign out there, coming together again and again, to battle, to conquer, and to try and defeat their opponent. Otom,...
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