MaleMember since 4 Jul 12Age 17Last online 5 years ago

  • Peter Quinn
    5 years agoReply
    The reason I am going to be very picky here is because I want your story to your flawless, and the devs ecstatic with your winning story. It's because I care, not because I want to cause trouble.

    Chapter 1 Mistakes:
    "Greetings." She spoke to the child infront of her. **In front, not infront**
    "But ma! She's the gal i looted in my sleep!" Sylvia hissed. **I, not i**

    Chapter 2 Mistakes:
    "Dear, we need to fatten you up, I'll make you some chicken and i'll bring you something better to drink besides water." **I'll, not i'll, but the second I'll is better left out anyway** **than is probably better than besides**
    She peered over at him and he just ushered for her to be quiet as a very tall woman, perhaps night elf decent rushed into the room with a broom and pan sweeping up all the shards and then as fast as she came she was gone. **perhaps a night elf descendant, not perhaps night elf decent**
    "So i'm assuming it's not just for looks and it actually does something." She smirked. **I'm, not i'm**
    "Well i have to go before they know I was here and by the way that girl Sylvia should be running down stairs screaming her fat head of hers off in about.." **I, not i** **downstairs, not down stairs**

    You also might want to add a lot more commas. But overall, I love it, it looks great! You're a natural, I cant wait for more!
    The Crusade of Roses
    The Crusade of Ros...
    3
    2405
    5
    During the Cataclysm our forefathers in Gilneas were turned Worgen except for two humans, but now 200 years in the future the only humans left in the world is Aerilyn Selorien and the remaining members...
    Peter Quinn
    5 years ago
    I misread on one of those, for the night elf one it's perhaps night elf descent, not perhaps a night elf descendant.
Loading ...