FemaleUnited StatesMember since 17 Apr 13Last online 4 years ago

OK. I have been a part of Movellas for quite some time and it has turned into something unexplainable. We are a community. Yet, some people are frightened to tell the truth or are they just blind? My pen name says it all. I will give HELPFUL criticism. Not meant to be offensive at all, just to help. We are supposed to be a community, after all.

By the way, this account is accessed by many, not just one.

  • Movellas Critique
    First thing I noticed is you lack capitalization in many places. Now this really bothers me, but I tried looking past it. I only read the first chapter (I didn't have time to read much more) and I will say, despite some grammar and punctuation mistakes, your writing is amazing. I do think that your paragraphs could be bigger, though. There isn't much I can add to that, but I'd suggest reading it over and fixing the I's and stuff.
    Snow angels
    Snow angels
    3
    743
    2
    I find myself alone on the streets all at once, it seems. I run from home, from my mother, and a threat which i fear. My only companions are my dog and a scar. Desmond, of course he's here again- the...
    HobbesTheTiger
    4 years ago
    Thank you! I have yet to edit this, so this is just a rough draft, but I will be sure to revise those issues. :)
  • Movellas Critique
    Honestly, I don't see much I can say about this. It's great! I do think the waking up from a dream is the most-used opening for a book and makes me want to stop reading right there, but I didn't. I will say it was a little dull at first, but when I started reading I got into it. I don't know if that's just me (which it probably is) so you shouldn't worry about that. It's good. Great, even. Keep it up!
    The Lost Days, Book One: Prophecy.
    The Lost Days, Boo...
    9
    3139
    8
    Behind the neat exterior of the average South African home one would never expect to find what lies behind the door of the Valentines’. Michael is a spirit painter who bares the terrible weight of having...
  • Movellas Critique
    This is a good book, honestly. From what I've read, this is original. And I love your writing technique. Description is amazing too. Um, not much needs improving... maybe make chapters a little longer, like add some more to it and indent paragraphs because this kind of looks jumbled up.
    A Little Bit Mental
    A Little Bit Menta...
    10
    745
    30
    When Blaze Heart's mum signs him up for volunteering at a Mental Institute, when he first goes he realises they are just like him. But what he doesn't expect is to form a romance with a patient, one that...
    whale.butt
    4 years ago
    Okay, thank you:)
    The cc means alot, because I just want to try to get it the best I can get it to be, because I love writing.
    Well, thank you for taking the time to look at my movella:D
  • Movellas Critique
    BTW trailer is amazing! What song is that??
    The Innburg Chronicles
    The Innburg Chroni...
    8
    255
    10
    Remember those folklore tales your mother or father used to read you before bed time? Or those horror films you always thought would never happen to you because it's just a movie, right? Where did the...
    Lauren Mercier
    4 years ago
    Demons by imagine dragons and thank you :)
  • Movellas Critique
    My favorite genre! The blurb itself sounds intriguing, and makes me want to start reading right away! Your writing style is great, too. I do think you may have used a tiny bit too much description in places you really don't need to stretch that on, but not too too much. Also, paragraph sizes could be cut down, but again, it wasn't too too bad. I loved the story so far though!! Definitely going to keep reading!
    The Innburg Chronicles
    The Innburg Chroni...
    8
    255
    10
    Remember those folklore tales your mother or father used to read you before bed time? Or those horror films you always thought would never happen to you because it's just a movie, right? Where did the...
    Lauren Mercier
    4 years ago
    Thank you for your feedback! :) will work on those areas!
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