FemaleUnited StatesMember since 6 Nov 13Last online 2 years ago

The most pretentious person on this site. No, I will not read your story.

  • Mimi Peaches
    Uhh. It was okay. There was some random capitalization and iffy grammar but it wasn't unreadable. You should definately try to use some more descriptive language though. It wasn't horrible, but at the same time was kinda dull. Also the "10% of your brain" thing is a myth.
    https://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/t..
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    Rebekah isn't normal. She can unlock all of her brain instead of 10% like the normal person. But what happens when the ones she loves safety and her own, are compromised? Will she give in to her destiny,...
  • Mimi Peaches
    This was pretty cliché. The moment you mentioned babies I knew exactly how the scene was gonna play out. It was only made worse when the want-a-baby-but-can't-have-one couple just so happened to be right next to the alley. You also slightly changed perspective after the break which was slightly confusing. That's my opinion on the prologue. My advice, when writing a prologue try to avoid clichés, you want to get people hooked as soon as possible.
    ((Also this is a nitpick but who names a child phenix and then doesn't even spell it the way it was intended to be??))
    Evil is as Evil Does
    Evil is as Evil...
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    "Evil is as Evil does, so am I really the Evil one?" The woman asks with a devilish grin. "DEMON!" The burly man yells. He grits his teeth and pulls the trigger.
    TheStoryTeller14
    3 years ago
    Thanks for the CC. The way I spell Phenix is from a different language. It means "Dark Red"
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