MaleUnited KingdomMember since 7 Mar 13Age 21Last online 4 years ago

Yeah, I'm a writer, 'cause I'm cool like that. I don't really have a set genre of what I write so I can pretty much write anything, it's a great life. I don't even know why I wrote this.

I pretty much just do random stuff on the mumbles and help the good folk of Movella county. Speaking of, if anyone wants to co-author then just ask, it's not like I'm doing anything anyway.

Also, read nothing I post here, it all tends to be bad.

  • McGu
    4 years agoReply
    1 Like
    The dialogue could use a bit of work, but that's not really my main concern. My main concern is the amount of detail you go into, it seems you go into too much detail about things that don't need to be stated. For instance "twisted, hissed, bit and writhed" is too much description for a characters movement in my opinion.

    Aside from that, this was a good piece, plenty of good word choice and the character is developed to a pretty decent extent for the introduction. Although you'll probably need to reconstruct the character in the next chapter, seeing as there's a seven year gap, but you've probably already planned that out. Keep it up.
    Child of Fire
    Child of Fire
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    492
    9
    Aged only 7 years old, Marsableum was ripped away from her family, her home destroyed, and her name taken. Now, with no memory of her past, her gifts are abused and she is used as a child weapon. Until...
  • McGu
    4 years agoReply
    1 Like
    'Sup brah
    Never read your stuff and I don't know you, but from what I gather you're a cool cat. Whatever's going on for you sucks and, in the wise words of my grandad, punch 'em in the face (hehe, my grandad's a crazy old coot). Now, I could put some kind of philosophical quote here, but it's like five in the morning and my head hurts, so I'm just gonna give it my best attempt and hope it doesn't suck-

    "And who knows? Maybe starting a new journey might not be so hard, in fact, maybe it's already begun"- Kiari, Kingdom Hearts 2... Wow I DO suck at quotes :P
    Letters To Bry
    Letters To Bry
    14
    810
    38
    We all know that our dear friend, LittleMsHollywood (Bry), is going through a tough time right now. Write down a little letter or a long note that she can read on this Movella, because we all care about...
    McGu
    4 years ago
    ◕‿◕
    McGu
    4 years ago
    Thanks, I know how to do a lot of faces
    \(^_^)/
    (^▼^)
    >=}
    (<>,!,<>)
    McGu
    4 years ago
    I have lost

    OTZ
  • McGu
    4 years agoReply
    I'll join if you're still looking, though if you need to kick me out to make room for someone else then I don't mind.
    These authors have got talent!! (Competition)
    These authors have...
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    This is a competition a bit like Britain's got talent or the xfactor, but with movellas. There will be 30 contestants and 5 mentors. Contestants will submit a book a fortnight. Mentors will choose which...
  • McGu
    4 years agoReply
    Pretty interesting character, I like it (I might decide to properly critique it when I'm not so tired :P).
    Just a Blink
    Just a Blink
    0
    55
    3
    Asylums aren't for normal people. And Blinker isn't normal. At least she thinks that. She wants to leave though, to see the world...but how?
    McGu
    4 years ago
    Okay, I've had my sleep and I'm back.

    Your intro is pretty good, if a little hasty, though it's nothing you particularly need to fix. Your punctuation and grammar could also use a bit of work. There's also a good hook at the end. Aside from that, there's not a whole lot to say, due to the small length of the piece. It would benefit from a redraft or editing and if it were a bit longer it could also improve, but I'll leave such things to your discretion.
    CelticTao
    4 years ago
    Loved it ..definitely a fan and will read more of your stuff.
    BTW Love You Gabby you Rick
  • McGu

    mumbled "Since everyone else was doing it..."

    4 years agoReply
    4 Likes

    Note. This is not, in fact, me. I just happen to find some really, really weird stuff.

    I'm probably going to end up deleting this anyway, since even I'm creeped out by it.
    McGu
    4 years ago
    You think that's bad? Right now I've locked my cat in my drawer... what was that old proverb again... Curiosity killed the cat?
    Fantasy Dream
    4 years ago
    :O How could you? That is animal cruelty! I ALWAYS have had a soft spot for cats, especially because I used to have one. But then she went, and it was horrific and traumatising for me at a VERY young age. So please make no jokes about deaths of cats, I miss my cat so much. RIP Niki. I have a picture of her on my wall and I wish her goodnight every day, she was so special...
    I miss you!
    McGu
    4 years ago
    Don't worry, don't worry, it's not dead, I just leave it there to sleep.
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