FemaleUnited StatesMember since 21 Feb 13Age 19Last online 5 years ago

Destroy what destroys you

  • M_Shelton

    mumbled "Depression"

    5 years agoReply
    I figured it out. At least I think I did. I figured out what depression is, at least to me.

    Some people get depression because of their past. It may have just been one bad thing after another and after a while it got to them and they stopped hoping, they stopped believing, they stopped feeling.
    For others they were strong for too long and, maybe even without them even knowing it, they gave up. Just one day they woke up depressed and haven't been able to shake it since.
    Most people think that being depressed just means that you are sad or mad ALL the time. But that isn't really it at all. Depression is when all of your "negative" feelings and emotions are at a high and they completely block out all of the positive ones.
    At first maybe you are always angry, or always sad. But then after a while you just stop feeling all together. You feel empty. It's because all of your emotions are so high that you become emotionally numb. I mean sure, you laugh and cry and get angry. But you laugh because you feel as if you have to put up a face for the people around you and like you can't let them know how you feel because if you did, then they would never look at you the same.
    You cry and get angry because you just want and need to feel something. You are so angry at yourself for being the way that you are that you end up crying and you take it out on yourself because you are so desperate to feel something.
    Some people like to think that depression is just a mental thing and that you can get over it relatively quickly but you can't. I mean sure, it is a mental issue that causes physical issues sometimes. But it is DEFINITELY not easy to get over. It is almost as if a switch in your brain has been flipped. Your mind suddenly sees everything negatively. People say that all you have to try to do is see the "bright" side of everything but the thing is that once that switch is flipped then it is so much harder to see the bright side. No matter how hard you try you just can't seem to see the bright side. You literally have to retrain your brain so that the switch can be flipped back to normal.I've been dealing with depression for over 2 years and yeah, I'm better than I used to be but I am FAR from being able to flip the switch back.

  • M_Shelton

    mumbled "Life "

    5 years agoReply
    Life is just one big downward spiral. Everything seems good and peaceful and then suddenly everything spirals out of control and you have no power to stop it. And maybe things get better, but eventually it will spiral down again, worse than before. You spiral downwards at a faster pace then you can go up. until eventually you hit rock bottom.
    People say that once you hit rock bottom that you can't get any lower, but they're wrong. It CAN get worse. I am an example of that. I hit rock bottom and only got worse from there. People around me are losing hope that I will come out of this depressed state, and honestly, so am I.
    People say that I should turn to God, but each time I try to do that it only gets worse....so I would rather just stay away.

    My life keeps on spiraling downwards at an amazingly fast pace.
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