FemaleAustraliaMember since 29 Jul 16Last online 2 weeks ago

No melon = no lemon! Get it? Hehehe.
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Welcome! You can call me Pocky. Snacks are over there, the follow button is also over there, and I am over here if you would ever wish to chat!
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Ok let's be honest, there should be a Deathly Hallows symbol emoji. Just saying.
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Favourite artist? Why, Shawn Mendes of course. And no, I am not a squealing fangirl obsessed with popping out his babies, thanks for asking.
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YOU ARE PRECIOUS.

  • Lilmuffin
    10 months agoReply
    Ok so I know we never talk and stuff and you probably forgot who I am but....
    Remember when we discussed exterminating insects? Nah?
    WELL WHERE I AM MOSQUITOS ARE TRYING TO START A WAR OR SOMETHING SO I'VE HAD NORMAL FLIES DESTROYING MY DRINKS AND MOSQUITOS TRYING TO DESTROY MY BLOOD. Who the hell do they think they are?? I'm so done with insects damn it
  • Lilmuffin
    11 months agoReply
    1 Like
    Ok so I'm definitely not an expert on English, and I know you didn't ask me for CC but.......
    LET'S BE HONEST HERE YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS ANYWAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU'RE EITHER GOING TO IGNORE THIS OR DELETE MY COMMENT ENTIRELY.
    Don't ask why I put that in all caps, because I don't know either. I digress.
    "I’m alone here, it’s not great being by yourself. Especially, when I hadn’t asked for this. I never wanted to be alone."
    I think the comma after the especially wasn't really needed, and the first sentence might have sounded better as two sentences.

    “Tyler, if you don’t get up in the next five minutes. I’m going to have a serious word with your father.”
    I like this. It's realistic and gives a more hurried feeling to the scene, which I think you were going for but maybe you weren't and MAYBE I should stop rambling and go on. Sorry.
    This time I think a comma was needed between the two sentences. I think it would run smoother, to be honest.
    Same thing goes for:
    "Next time, I want you up, and out of that door before nine. If I find you in bed again, not even trying to get up. I will ban your free time for a month."

    "Leaving my room without even collecting the stack of dirty clothes. Hayley’s clothing, disturbing- kind of. I mean I didn’t want girl’s clothes to be in my room. Especially, her underwear. Ugh, I really don’t think I’m going to be able to bring myself to forgive her for this. I ignored it just like they all did, and headed downstairs skipping breakfast. Yeah, they don’t make me breakfast. I have to make that myself."
    Again, be careful with the comma usage. I think the last couple sentences could have been made into another paragraph as well.
    Also, be careful with your hyphen (is that what it is?) usage, because sometimes you use it when a conjunction or a full stop (period) may have been better.
    There were a few other rough patches where you should watch the commas and hyphens and sentences and all that (I FORGOT, AWOKEN MIGHT SOUND BETTER AS AWOKE), but I really like this story and where it's heading.
    I'm really sorry this is so disorganised, I'm half asleep and deprived of energy. :P
    The Other Side Of Her
    The Other Side Of...
    2
    485
    17
    Living with a disjointed family comes with many downsides. Moving away from such a family comes with perks. After spending Eighteen years of my life trying to live like everyone else. I finally find her,...
    3 SECOND LUKE
    11 months ago
    @[Lilmuffin] Thanks! I've just made many changes to this chapter. Correcting some errors, and also fixed up most of what you asked me to. Thanks again for the review! I always read my reviews / CC. Always! (:
    Lilmuffin
    11 months ago
    I'm glad I was some use to you, I was afraid I was too harsh and that everything I was saying was completely wrong. XD
  • Lilmuffin
    1 years agoReply
    1 Like
    What would you do if books were forever banned? And the law was so serious that anyone who had books would have to burn them or else face public execution.
    DragonSoulJess
    1 years ago
    1 Like
    Honestly I think that would be the point at which I would become a badass rebel. Like, I currently have absolutely no desire to gain physical fitness or ninja skills, but I think books are just so important that I would become a ninja and risk dying for them. xD

    You? xD
    (That was such a dramatic answer omg xD)
    Lilmuffin
    1 years ago
    1 Like
    Yes! XD I would do that too, but I'd be the type of person to be really awkward while doing so. Like, in the middle of running I'd probably trip, make some sarcastic remark that wasn't actually necessary and then die.
    We should form a resistance XD
    DragonSoulJess
    1 years ago
    1 Like
    Ahaha I'd probably do that as well xD Or I'd get distracted in the middle of something, like if there was an organised 'save the books from an old library' thing, I'd stop for a breather and would start reading the book and get caught and be like 'ohhhh my gods you've gotta wait, this character was in danger ahhhh it was SO INTENSE, MAN- wait, you're here to kill me???'
    We would make the best resistance omg xD
  • Lilmuffin
    1 years agoReply
    Last chapter: "I didn’t know when I’d fallen to them."
    I don't really know but this sort of sounds disjointed and I'm not entirely sure why, so feel free to ignore this one.
    Overall it was awesome though, so good luck
    Not About Love
    Not About Love
    7
    1229
    52
    [Battle of the Fandoms - Classics Fanfiction (Not About Heroes)] Siegfried Sasson met Wilfred Owen in a WWI mental hospital. He had been trying to get himself killed, trying to wage war against war. And...
    Prodigy
    1 years ago
    Thanks so much for all your feedback!!! :D :D :D
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