FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 3 Jan 13Last online 2 years ago

Type. Film. Click. Cook. Blog. Travel.
Lets quit swords and pick up those words. You can always re arrange them and make it look better.
"You can love someone so much, but you can never love people as much as you can miss them." - John Green.

  • Laila

    mumbled "Half A Heart : The End "

    3 years agoReply
    I dont know why am I writing a mumble about this but I cant think of any other way to distract myself. People who read my mumbles must have noticed that I often wrote about my boyfriend and how much we were fond of each other. Unfortunately, its not the same anymore. I dont know why I am sharing this personal piece of news with people here whom I have never met but I guess its better than telling a friend who would give you advice instead of just listening to you.
    As I write this mumble here, I am trying my best not to cry and be strong. There are many reasons as to why I decided to end it all and according to him his reasons are very sensible too. I am going to discuss every reason here. Some of you might judge me and him for the reasons and you are allowed to. Its completely justified.
    I always loved him and maybe a part of me is always going to love him. Its unbelievable how just a few days back I wrote about love and how I feel and know I am writing about heartbreak. You never know whats on the next page of the this endless book called life. Sometimes I wish I could stop reading this book but it is so addictive that I just cant put it down. Sometimes I think I am not worthy of this book that I hold in my hands - 'Life' , but then again each one of us is reading the same story in a different version, whether they are worthy of it or not.
    When I came back from India, from my vacations, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with three other girls. He slept with three girls when I wasnt here, when I was falling madly in love with him back in India. When he confronted me, I was confused how to react cuz I love him so much. I still love him. It is difficult to say 'loved'. I just said its alright. Somewhere at the back of my head I wanted to take revenge for his actions. I trusted him so much and he broke it all in a flash. It was difficult for me to process it. He said it was the stress why he did so. Do you think so that was the reason guys? Or am I an emotional fool; way too in love with him? So I decided I will teach him a lesson and I went ahead and messed around with another guy but I didnt dare to sleep with him. I couldn't and I can't. I love someone else. Love is sacred for me and it is a pure feeling. You dont just mess around with such a holy feeling. I confronted him and told him why I did so and he was mad at me. Very mad. Since that confrontation he had been acting so different and tonight I just felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. I realized I had lost him long back.
    It is difficult for me as I write this but I have to, if I have to get over this horrifying phase of a heartbreak. Oh, I am in a pathetic state right now. My boyfriend replied saying 'ok' to me on whatsapp when i said "lets end this now." , my closest friend thinks I was bitching about her when I was just complaining and I did tell her how pissed I was. Why is it that people often do not understand that I dont want to hurt anyone I care about. I am very confused and I just dont know how to express my feelings through actions or in simple words. I might be a writer but not the one to announce my feelings. I am a human and I know I make mistakes but just when I think I am going to be happy why is it that I am proven wrong. I wish someone could answer me now?

    xx
  • Laila

    mumbled "Back in London update "

    3 years agoReply
    So I am back in London finally after 2 months. Its been so long and I missed this city. I don't even know what is it that i missed the most about this city. The hustle and bustle, the dull face, the young always excited faces, the 'in love' couples or just being here. Its amazing how I feel about living in London. Well that said, I think I have the best parents on this earth. I know I am a pain in the arse and its very difficult for them to handle me with all my stupid expenses and shopping habits and no job at the moment, but I try and I guess thats what they like. Well, recently I spent like 500 pounds just buying stuff on the itunes store in a month and the fact that they are still not crazy mad at me to murder me shows that haha. No I am just kidding, thats not the only reason. The way they except my likes and dislikes, my choices and my lifestyle is immensely commendable. I love it. Its very impressive. For e.g., yesterday I told my mum I am no longer seeing my boyfriend and she said as i wish and in fact joked about it and said who is the next target because she knew I wasnt okay with leaving him and then in the evening, this is like 5 hours later when me and my boyfriend were back together, she called me up to ask me if i am okay and i told her about it and she was glad i was back with him and in fact invited him to stay over at our place. Which mum does that? She is one amazing mom. I love my parents. This is just a mere example of their kindness. There is so much more. For instance, when she found out I smoke, the way she explained it to me and the way of forgiving me for smoking when it is injurious for me (considering I am an epileptic patient so its deadly) was so nice. I guess I cant use any other word to describe it. She has always been supportive and always been there for me. And my dad, oh he is the best ever. I know every kid says that and especially every girl, but trust me my man - my dad is the best . He is just so cool. WITH EVERYTHING! Ah! there are no words to describe how much I love this man. My dad is just indescribable. He is an epitome of perfection when it comes to describing fathers all around the world. I can go on and on about my dad but I just dont know if it would be understandable. That man is the best ever. Well I just love my parents way too much. Period.
    Last night, I went for my freshers party at Tiger Tiger London. Its awesome. I guess the best club ever haha. The DJ was so cool (and SO HOT). The drinks are expensive though but then again hey! when the party is so chill and so fucking dope and rad, prices dont matter. The music was awesome and I couldnt stop dancing. I dont really remember much to describe the people and the scene there cuz I was too drunk to notice but I remember seeing Pikachu, Minnie Mouse, One tall ass jumping man, Batman and Batwoman and dressed up cops and .... oh my god! everything and everybody was piss ass drunk (and some stoned). I had like neon paint all over my face and it passed on to my boyfriend's face cuz in honesty , we were all over each other haha. No more nasty details on that but the party last night was epic. I dont think I have seen so many pikachus and minnie mouses and girls in tiaras in so long!
    And finally, I met my boyfriend to sort out my problems and seems like everything is fine now. All it took me was to call his best mate extremely hot and check out some other guys in front of him and not kiss him when i met him and tada! Problem sorted cuz he was fuming and he said he cant listen to me going on about other boys and I said okay and finally he said sorry and we made up. I am so cool and amazing haha.
    Well thats all the update about my boring life which according to me is eventful. I am going out for another party tonight which is gonna have:
    10 FUCKING THOUSAND GLOW STICKS!
    A TRUCKLOAD OF UV CANNONS
    LITRES UPON LITRES OF NEON PAINT
    INSANE IBIZA FESTIVAL LAZERS
    3 HUGE UV RADIATING ARENAS!
    A HUGE TEAM OF NEON DANCERS
    OMG
    xx
    Laila
    3 years ago
    1 Like
    Hey
    No worries. Haha. Seems like we share the same trait of being nosey and yes indeed its the internal author in each one of us or else how would we have fascinating stories written. I believe every story is a short snippet of someone's life. As John Green said in 'An Abundance of Katherines', it depends on how one tells a story because everythig is a story. Its all about the story telling. The beginning, the middle and the ending, along with a moral.
    Plus curiosity is what leads to bigger achievements and exploration. So its all cool. I wont blame you here. :)
    Qnd if we havent spoken before then we should speak more often. :)
    Laila
    3 years ago
    *nosy
    Molly Looby
    3 years ago
    I think authors have to be nosy and curious, the best inspiration comes from every day things we see and here. it's a good trait :)
  • Laila

    mumbled "I dont know ... Maybe this is love"

    3 years agoReply
    1 Like
    I am a bookworm and I love my books to eternity. But I never thought that this boy could replace these books and those hundreds of stories I have read about this strange feeling called love. People say It is complicated to understand love. But then how can you ever understand a feeling. You only understand what can be defined and love cannot be defined. When one is in love, there is this presence you can never run away from. Its not irritating though. Its in fact so beautiful and wonderful and lovely, you would welcome it every time it wants to hold on to you. The essence of your lover is the most gorgeous in this world. Thats how love is. The things you hate, you love and the things you love, you hate. There is no question of reiteration. It would never cease to surprise you. Thats how love feels like. You know that moment of epiphany? Oh! You will be bewildered by it. Its out of this world.
    Sometimes its this dichotomous nature of this strange feeling that bothers you and the conundrum seems so frustrating. You hate the person so much cuz you love them like you have never loved anyone before and you are so guilty cuz it makes you weak. You will give away everything of yours to just have the love of your life close to you. To feel the warmth of their body.
    I like his cold skin. I like his cold touch against my warm body. It fulfills my craving for deeper knowledge about this strange feeling. The dichotomous nature of love.
    The moment i walked into this world of wonders I knew i would come across several forked paths and oh! It would be so difficult to choose one. I knew it. Well you can never prove a poet like Robert Frost wrong now, can you? He did warn us that there was gonna be a fork ahead and we have to make a decision and choose one and even though we would want to come back later and take the other path we cant. We know we cant. Thats the dilemma that love puts you in. You are disabled with just one thought and only one means of life, your heart.
  • Laila

    mumbled "Finally :) "

    3 years agoReply
    1 Like
    So I have finally published my new movella and I am very excited for people to read it. I have no idea how are people going to react to it. Its this genre I have never dealt with. I mostly write romantic stories or funny ones but paranormal and supernatural is a completely new genre for me and I am excited, nervous and scared. Hope everyone likes it and I will be updating again tonight so yeah do tell me guys if you want more. I would actually love to hear your comments and critics this time (no jokes). So yeah, hope you like it and here is the link to my story:
    UnravelIt wasn't really easy for Samara to move from Texas to London. After changing seven schools in total and having to deal with her mother's tenth divorce,...


    Laila
    xx
    Laila
    3 years ago
    1 Like
    Psst.. @[wapuskx] I really need your help and opinion on this one. A critical one may I say. haha Seriously though I need your help mate.
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