FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 15 Feb 12Age 24Last online 3 years ago

  • lachouetterose
    This is going in mo' faves :-) Joseph the sardonic humour in this story is excellent - within seconds of reading it I was already in stitches! "She enjoyed the occasional delusion" Lmao!

    Needless to say your strong point here is characterisation (as always) and utterly hilarious sarcastic comments from a moody narrator, which I LOVE! Also brilliant was the reference to 'rambling on the moors' - cue 'Wuthering Heights' by Kate Bush which provided the soundtrack for my reading of the remainder of the story :L

    Any criticism I have has already been outlined by the below comments and didn't take much away from my enjoyment of the story so well done, you've supplied a lot of sufficient entertainment :)
    The Well
    The Well
    10
    1963
    14
    A short story that I did a few years ago for school. Just found it so I thought I'd show you all. It's a quirky little story with a strange twist. Hope you enjoy and of course give me your opinions.
  • lachouetterose
    This is unreal Joe :) love the concept of Familiars and the way they speak - priceless! Plus the family interaction is brilliant, it's very convincing and humorous. Your biting comedy never disappoints ;P waiting for the next chapter in nail-biting anticipation! x
    Familiars
    Familiars
    13
    2005
    21
    The first chapter of my story. I'll explain things as it progresses but for now I'd just appreciate any feedback you can give. Fantasy is my favourite genre and this is a step towards being a "writer".
    JosephGray
    6 years ago
    Haha, thanks! I'll have it ready pretty soon so you won't have to wait too long :D
  • lachouetterose
    I found the ending to be a breath of fresh air because I didn't see an unhappy ending coming at all, even though it's the most realistic way to end this story - so well done :) I think you've captured well the thoughts of the archetypal teenage girl, too. Overall, an interesting, light-hearted read but without the typical happy ending :) good luck x
    First Day In Forever
    First Day In Forev...
    39
    3647
    108
    Amy has always dreamt of being prom queen, but not being part of the popular group hasn’t helped her. Neither has not being able to get a date, when she really wants Lucas, her crush, to ask her. When...
    lachouetterose
    6 years ago
    Btw my favourite line was "His eyes seemed to twinkle in the light of the street lamps, and my heart softened a little" - it's sweet and emotive :)
    CiaraNewYork
    6 years ago
    Thank you! Nice to see some people read to the end! Like / favourite if you want? :D
    CiaraNewYork
    6 years ago
    And that has to be one of my favourite lines too! No idea why that ended up in my head :D
  • lachouetterose
    I think this is a very moving poem with a powerful topic. It's very convincing in terms of character as well - I think you've captured well the inner battles of an abused wife/girlfriend. Your incorporation of pathetic fallacy is commendable too - well done :) good luck x
    He Loves Me Not
    He Loves Me Not
    2
    1017
    6
    My entry for the Valentine's Day Competition. This is a poem about an abusive relationship, and the decision whether to stay or leave. Please leave constructive criticism and other comments, I am only...
    mnms
    6 years ago
    Thank you very much- greatly appreciated! x
  • lachouetterose
    Really well done - your poem is extremely sophisticated with an original and moving subject matter.
    I'm particularly impressed by your vocab and rhyme scheme :) I wish you the best of luck x
    The Chestnut Tree
    The Chestnut Tree
    88
    5448
    93
    My entry for the Love competition. The Chestnut Tree that allows the young couples to seek respite from the scorching sunlight and judgement itself, towers above all, and silently ponders the boundless,...
    Caiitliin
    6 years ago
    oh thank you so much! i can't say i agree but i won't be a moaning myrtle. thanks so much! x
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