United StatesMember since 14 Oct 14Age 35Last online 4 years ago

  • klutzyduck.895
    Your writing seems cliché and the thoughts aren't really connected and flowing. It's wooden, almost robotic. Maybe she needs more personality and to not over explain. You set up a pattern and then immediately use it to explain an action, which makes it boring and again robotic. You have enough fundamentals, I'm sure it can be improved. Good luck and thanks for being brave enough to try and to post.
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