MaleUnited StatesMember since 12 Sep 12Age 23Last online 3 weeks ago

Just another writer on movellas. Sure is cold in here.

  • JordanC

    mumbled "Other sites?"

    2 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Anyone know of other sites to put up stories? This one, well, I don't know what to make of this place. I don't seem to fit here very well with my stories.
    JordanC
    2 years ago
    Yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head lol. The one thing that has me come back here every once in a while is the competitions. I think they help to spark a creative idea in me. That is about as far as this site goes though, for me anyways. But more than just getting views on my stuff, I want critic because I know there is a lot of room for improvement in my writing (Especially when dealing with tenses). So in that respect, I will take you up on absolutewriter.com. I will check that out. Thanks for that :) I have tried wattpadd but idk I just didn't like it all that much haha. As for the others I will check them out. Well thanks for the response. It is very much appreciated even though that's hard to tell through words on a screen. :P
    N. S
    2 years ago
    Lol, glad I could help! :). Yeah, the competitions are pretty good on here. And well, there are quite a few people on here that would gladly critique you work to shreds :p. Try the forums. My advice would be that you shouldn't quit this site altogether, leave your stories up whilst you post on other sites too :). Absolutewrite is a good site, but I forgot my password to my account - need to change it haha. I signed up because of the extensive amount of info they have on literary agents etc. All of the helpful stuff like critique groups etc. are in the forums on there. Well, once again I'm glad I could help dude. Lol, it's quite hard to tell what others are feeling or what vibe they're giving off merely by the words they write but I guess that's the 'magic' of the internet XD. Gosh, I sound old :/.
    MissKenzie
    1 years ago
    Hello Fellow Movellian! I was wondering if you could volunteer as tribute and sign up for my movella, The Hunger Games- Virtual Version! Thank you and may the odds be ever in your favor!
    The Hunger Games: Virtual VersionHave you ever wanted to be part of the Hunger Games? Well of course not! You would die! But not in the virtual kind. Welcome to the Hunger Games: Virtual...
  • JordanC
    2 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Hmm this is well put together. I really like how the characters seem like real people. Not just a bunch of words on a page. From how they act and how they talk. The dialogue helps strengthen the fact that they have quite real personalities. Neat
    Orbus
    Orbus
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    Aeryn Miller has found herself at her dream job after weeks of arduous training and four consecutive days of examinations at the Orbus Practical Research Facility. When Aeryn discovers Project (Name Pending),...
  • JordanC
    2 years agoReply
    I like how you describe in detail how the scene's are laid out. It helps readers paint a picture of what is going on, allowing them to become engulfed in what is happening. A plus for that. I like it. Also like the exchange of dialogue.

    Only a few problems here and there. Just some words should be others, but I can see why they were mistaken. Example
    "but he appeared from the smoke, unarmed and plunging his blades into their throats." which should be "but he appeared from the smoke, unharmed, and plunged his blades into their throats." small things like that, nothing to cause too much fuss about. It can be fixed with a proof read and editing. Other than that nice job.
    Assassin Creed: Void
    Assassin Creed:...
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    Right so this was a bit difficult to think off....so here's my go at it: A.D 1870. The British Empire is at it's glorious extent. Its armies though small have beaten other kingdoms and Empires. It land...
    Darius II
    2 years ago
    Ah sorry it took me so long to respond. Ok, so plus points good.

    Yes, there were mistakes and I shall edit them out.

    Thanks again

    And I have not forgetton the promise I made to you. I shall respond on your work.
  • JordanC
    2 years agoReply
    1 Like
    I commend you, writing a story about shogun 2 seems difficult to me. I like that your character holds the pride that was found in warriors of that era. I will wait for the following chapters. :)
    Shogun 2 Total War: The Rise of the Takeda Clan Fanfic.
    Shogun 2 Total War...
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    For 237 years the Ashikaga shogunate has ruled from Kyoto, bringing peace to the land. Great power and splendor was theirs, but in 1467 The Onin War(Civil War) of 10 years led to the fall of the Shogunate....
    Darius II
    2 years ago
    You play total war? Well a pleasure to meet you indeed, actually you'll be amazed that this story of mine was written in midsummer 2011. So I guess it's been a reckon 2 and a half year since I've written this story but the bad news is it is currently halfway. Yep, Halfway through the novel. Though this story could benefit from a lot more once I finish the story, and add lots more into it. The reason why its two chapters is because of the exams, but once I'm done( just on the 14th of June) I'll be adding a whole lot more to this. There's still more to add. The historical accuracy I have tried to keep it up, but with the whole total war thing, I've followed that process, nevertheless thank you for reading and enjoying the story.
  • JordanC

    Bioshock

    2 years agoReply
    Anyone who holds and interest in Bioshock come check out my story here:
    A Big Daddy(A work in progress. I am first throwing down the skeleton of the story then going through it again to flesh it out so what you see so far is unedited!)...


    Looking for feedback. If I can get enough feedback to know how its progressing, then I will surely insert you into the credits. Also if you can help me out with this, I might fit you into the story as a character as well! (If it fits well with the story of course...) Anyways all help is appreciated!
    Darius II
    2 years ago
    I can give you professional feedback. I'm good at it as I'm not like other critics. I'll point out where you can improve and what can be done to improve it. I am a totally non bias reviewer. I give reviews on where you could improve. Not on just saying this is bad and unrealistic. That offers no helps. Since you commented, I have to repay the favor back.

    I shall read yours when my exams finish on the 14th of June.

    In the meanwhile could you check this out for me? Thank you

    Assassin Creed: VoidRight so this was a bit difficult to think off....so here's my go at it: A.D 1870. The British Empire is at it's glorious extent. Its armies though...
    TheFuzz ϟ
    2 years ago
    I'll check it out! Would you mind looking at mine? It's called Orbus :)
    OrbusAeryn Miller has found herself at her dream job after weeks of arduous training and four consecutive days of examinations at the Orbus Practical Research...
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