FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 3 Mar 12Last online 3 weeks ago


Hey, I'm J.K. Panesar, but most people just call me J.K.
Movellas Ambassador
- I am here to help, so just ask. I don't bite... much. ;)

{Awards}

Author Of The Year - 2012/13

Bronze award - One Direction Comp

Bronze award - Spooky story contest

Published Poem - Why I smile...

Bronze award - More Than This Competition (Trishna)

Runner Up - 1D and 5SOS Competition

First Place - Salvage Competition (Finding You)

DigiFestUK Fanfic Contest (Dream, Reality & Future)

The Forever Song Illustration Comp - Runner Up

Prequel/Sequel writing competition - Save You {Book 3} Winner

BOTF Youtube/Vine Category - Youtube: Mission of Death (Winner)

  • J.K. Panesar
    8 months agoReply
    Your blurb is very interesting, made me want to continue reading. I would say sometimes your sentences could be made simpler so that it roles of the tongue more easier. Well done with the show not tell aspect of it. :)

    I like your description in your first paragraph, however there are some sentences that don't really need to be there and act as fillers. An example of this would be where you say 'not expecting the children to do anything too bad'. Without it, we would know that nothing drastic is going to happen either way.

    Although I like how you have separated what the kids are doing into grades, it does seem a little bit unnecessary . You could describe what is going on in the playground without tagging your character to a particular grade. This could prove to be more flexible later on in the story.

    The part where is says 'A young girl observed...' should be a new paragraph.

    ' "Yeah" her friend responded' the word does not exactly the tone of how she responded. Was it irritable or did she shout or did she mumble it?

    I would recommend reading it aloud to yourself and see if some sentences could be re-written to sound better? Overall, I really like the first chapter of your movella... I really hope that Dell is okay and I look forward to an update. :)
    The Puppet
    The Puppet
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    "There are bad people in this world." She nodded along to the familiar phrase. "Ok." She'd mutter, knowing there wasn't a reason why. It was just an excuse for her mom to not let her go outside and play....
    OfficiallyChris
    8 months ago
    Thanks so much for the review. I am currently working on chapter two, but I'm also beginning another project because my mind throws me ideas and I just go with it, so it might be a while, but your review definitely makes me want to continue. However if you want Dell to live happily ever after, I suggest you just assume she does and not read any of the other chapters because this will not be a light story. But an update is coming eventually.
  • J.K. Panesar
    10 months agoReply
    The best Christmas Present I'd ever received was a stuffed Toothless toy from Build a bear, because it resembles my cat Bamboo, who I missed so much.
  • J.K. Panesar
    10 months agoReply
    Krisamas kee badhaee - in HIndi. It's very similar in Punjabi as well,

    joyeux Noël - French

    veselé Vánoce - Czech

    Śubha baṛadina - Bengali

    Feliz Navidad - Spanish
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