FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 5 May 15Last online 2 years ago

  • Fighting Back Shadows
    I really like how that's set out and love the poem :)
    the only thing I would change is 'lemme' on one of the last lines to let me but other than that, I think its great
    How Does It Feel?
    How Does It Feel?
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    Poem about my biological father, who left me when I was little.
  • Fighting Back Shadows
    That was really good! I have some suggestions if that's ok.
    When she falls in, you could do a bit more to build up to the fall instead of her just sliding in. Also, you use a lot of 'she did this' and 'she walked here'. You could try mixing the sentences so its 'Walking over to where ever, she ...'
    Aside from those, I don't think there was much else to change.
    I hoped that helps but feel free to ignore it all if you'd rather!!
    Neverland
    Neverland
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    35
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    For Battle of the Fandom's (classic stories). A story about Peter Pan before he met Wendy and her brothers.
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