MaleUnited Arab EmiratesMember since 6 Nov 12Last online 3 days ago

Every time I embark on an new project, I change my profile to suit the theme. Next coming up is my Roman Novel based on the Wars of Octavian and Antony. Stay tuned!

Welcome, Welcome, indeed. This is my profile page, it has stories and my favorite ones. Usually I do it so you can enjoy them. I love writing and I can never leave the passion for it. It is the very fabric of life. I do aim to get published at the right time, the right moment, the right opportunity when I have completed my further stuides and then think its the right time to send it. Though I'll recieve a lot of rejections, and then finally get a publisher, and I'm 100% committed in this.Though of I am little talent, my writing I hope you enjoy. My main specialty is Historical Fiction but I've written in many other genres as well. Fantasy is my favorite, especially Victorian steam punk. I'm a avid gamer, so anything about video games, we can have a chat about it and a fan of history?Debate?Definitely! So enjoy what you see here, and if there's anything wrong in my stories, tell me and I'll fix it.

My previous usernames:
Zhuge Liang
Ezio Auditore Da Firenze
The Marshall
Danny Ocean
Clint Eastwood
The Desert Wanderer

I guess thats it really, so I always change my profile every two or three months.

You may have noticed that I like things a little too much, well my interests lie in History, I like playing strategy games, like Takeda or Total War, that is if you've ever heard of them. My history range lies within the spectrum of Asian History as I find it more fascinating, even Napoleonic history. But enough of that boring stuff, have a look and read through and enjoy your time.

  • A Child of the Madness
    Excuse me sire, but over certain matters, I believe you and I need to have a chat. Please return to me your reply once you get this as soon as possible...What needs to be discussed is of importance to both of us and I think I need to help you understand something... so due respond when you can.

  • Emperor of Rome
    1 Like
    Hey

    Just wanted to ask you, could you have a look at my movellas Euphrates? Your feedback on my Russian themed fantasy story helped a lot - I've made changes however on the word document. But with Euphrates, I'd love to get your feedback as it is set in the Roman Era. Its really only two chapters that I ask you to read.

    Thanks
    Emperor of Rome
    4 days ago
    Here is the movella:

    Euphrates216 AD. The Roman Emperor Carcallea has expanded the Roman Empire like never before, having crushed the Germanic Hordes in 213 AD and securing the borde...
    Molly Looby
    4 days ago
    Sure! I love Ancient Rome! Reading it now :)
    Emperor of Rome
    4 days ago
    Thanks :)
  • Emperor of Rome
    Review of Chapter 1:

    What I like about this chapter is that it gives an excellent opening, and the descriptions remind me of a Hunger Games style influence. Here we are introduced to the character, we know more about her and we get an excellent villian in the form of an brother. There are maybe less errors in this chapter, but by the heavens this writers knows how to set a scene because she is focusing on what is important in the story, her new family that comes to her, the cold glares she gets from the doctors- this all helps to build an exciting chapter.

    A few errors:

    Calm should be calm

    '' I'm Voliet. Violet Chara'' should be one full stop, not two

    Perhaps rewrite the last sentence:

    He spat in my glass with a bitter glance, at the same time he closed the cabinet door with a loud enough bang to hide it from my newly adopted parents.

    '' Officially my new parents', - the puncatuation does not make sense here.

    Officially my new parents, or maybe you were intending something else.

    Refrain from using too many '' ...'' in your sentences. That is not something you'd wanna see. Make it look more professional. And for example, '' this...this'' looks a bit disorganized.

    Make it look this:

    '' This was way beyond of what I would normally expect.''

    Or something like that, but don't put too many ''...''

    Also, refrain from using too many question marks, while useful, rather put it as thought and I would italize it. It would make it more readable in my opinion.

    But otherwise there's not many errors, apart from sentences that I would rewrite, though I don't have much time now, but when I get the chance I'll give some more feedback.

    Hope it helps!
    Glacial
    Glacial
    6
    174
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    Dreamless. Emotionless. Detached. Glacial. Violet has had her ability to feel emotions wiped from her, turning her into a Glacial. Any emotion she ever feels from now on will be the result of an injection...
  • Emperor of Rome
    Review of Prologue:

    The prologue is an excellent opening that manages to grip its readers by the hold. It begins to question you as to what really is happening with the victim and what happens next. Its an excellent opening but has a few minor issues.

    1) We shall now examine this sentence:

    And left recovering from death unchained as per usual.

    Now I would remove left, and per usual, to make it a tigther bolder sentence:

    left covering from her wounds

    recovering from her wounds

    Recovering from the chains of death.

    Or

    '' recovering from death unchained''

    Which gives it a better outlook. You must remember that every sentence in every story matters. Like every shot in a movie matters. Sentences must tell you stories - for they themselves form the story!

    This is a very good sentence, though I have a few suggestions:

    Her agonised screams were said to resonate throughout the entire wing.

    Lets say:

    '' Her agonised screams terrified the doctors and nurses''

    Or

    '' Her agnoised screams resonated through the entire wing, but the doctors and nurses did not respond, as if they were used to this before, devoid of humantiy within their souls. ''

    That actually makes a rather good turn, and you explain as to why the doctors and nurses don't care and so and so forth.

    Now this sentence doesn't make sense to me:

    '' As the shrieking winds can be heard as the moon hung just right.''

    This didn't make much sense because:

    A) Where is the moon hanging?
    B) Shrieking winds - where are they coming from?

    So in effect lets see what we can rewrite from this:

    1) '' Sounds of shrieking winds paraded through the entire wing each and every night''

    2) '' Shrieking winds resonated loudly into the entire wing at night, as the moon fixated itself among its subjects, controlling the waves of shrieking winds.''

    3) '' A lone shriek was enough to scare the patients at night, for even in the entire wing, the Moon would just stare lonely at the humans, not caring a bit''.

    In these ways you can rewrite the sentence better. Because you've added story, you've told why the moon has purpose, and you've rewritten it in a way so the winds shreiking makes some sense - its actually being given a purpose, a mission. Remmeber this: Each sentence matters no matter what. And when you give good description of a wind, a wave, give it a mission so it doesn't just hang around the end of the story.

    Last line would be:

    '' her loss of status as a citizen, as a person, and more importantly, as a human, for she no longer was a human, only a monster. ''
    Glacial
    Glacial
    6
    174
    4
    Dreamless. Emotionless. Detached. Glacial. Violet has had her ability to feel emotions wiped from her, turning her into a Glacial. Any emotion she ever feels from now on will be the result of an injection...
  • Emperor of Rome

    mumbled "New story coming up"

    Hi all

    I've been thinking of a new story based on the Roman Era and the Empires that arose after Alexander.

    My story is set during the Roman Parthian Wars, where Rome fought its vicious enemy for 719 years. Its a long conflict and I find that there is plenty to write about this. I've got some interesting characters and am trying to follow a Ben Kane/Steven Saylor style. Any thoughts?
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