MaleUnited Arab EmiratesMember since 6 Nov 12Last online 3 weeks ago

Every time I embark on an new project, I change my profile to suit the theme. Next coming up is my Roman Novel based on the Wars of Octavian and Antony. Stay tuned!

Welcome, Welcome, indeed. This is my profile page, it has stories and my favorite ones. Usually I do it so you can enjoy them. I love writing and I can never leave the passion for it. It is the very fabric of life. I do aim to get published at the right time, the right moment, the right opportunity when I have completed my further stuides and then think its the right time to send it. Though I'll recieve a lot of rejections, and then finally get a publisher, and I'm 100% committed in this.Though of I am little talent, my writing I hope you enjoy. My main specialty is Historical Fiction but I've written in many other genres as well. Fantasy is my favorite, especially Victorian steam punk. I'm a avid gamer, so anything about video games, we can have a chat about it and a fan of history?Debate?Definitely! So enjoy what you see here, and if there's anything wrong in my stories, tell me and I'll fix it.

My previous usernames:
Zhuge Liang
Ezio Auditore Da Firenze
The Marshall
Danny Ocean
Clint Eastwood
The Desert Wanderer

I guess thats it really, so I always change my profile every two or three months.

You may have noticed that I like things a little too much, well my interests lie in History, I like playing strategy games, like Takeda or Total War, that is if you've ever heard of them. My history range lies within the spectrum of Asian History as I find it more fascinating, even Napoleonic history. But enough of that boring stuff, have a look and read through and enjoy your time.

  • Darius II
    1 months agoReply
    1 Like
    Chapter 25:

    Well this is my concluding thoughts.....but it did feel a little underwhelming, partly because Abia saw flowers first, then had some talks with her firends and then she's now in the Hereafter. I can see why you used realism in this bit...but in my opinion I'd have changed the setting a little bit - so she's recruited or something like that. I may have summarized the story a little bit toomuch but that's my opinion,

    Otherwise, what an effective way to end the story. Its eagerly set up for the second story from which I shall await. But this has been a very good entry for the triology, and I expect to see good things coming!

    Finally

    '' A stunning story.....it shreds all bases of falsness....plunging you into reality....amazing.'

    An excellent story!

    My rating:

    4.5/5
    Thereafter
    Thereafter
    97
    6501
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    *NaNoWriMo 2014* There are always a host of flowers on the side of the road, whether brand new or shrivelled from weeks of rest. Their appearance, though sad, was never odd. So when another wave of flowers...
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    Well, she has been recruited. The actual Hereafter stuff is of course book two. To say any more would leave far too many questions unanswered. I wrote it like this so that you can read just the first book and feel contented with the ending without having to read the next ones to be satisfied. I hate it when books steal a conclusion from you because there's a sequel.

    But thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
    Darius II
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    No problem, though the genre's not to my taste, but still it was an amazing story!
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    Thanks for reading it all, especially as it's something you don't normally read :)
  • Darius II
    1 months agoReply
    Chapter 24:

    Its an short chapter no doubt, but its serves a useful cliff hanger for the readers. I am eagerly awaiting what will happen next since it will be a triology or so. I will say that it needed more description and a bit more lengthy paragraphs....or I may be wrong in that. But still its quite.....shall we say emotional and a bit hard impacting.

    But very effective!
    Thereafter
    Thereafter
    97
    6501
    231
    *NaNoWriMo 2014* There are always a host of flowers on the side of the road, whether brand new or shrivelled from weeks of rest. Their appearance, though sad, was never odd. So when another wave of flowers...
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    This chapter is short and hard hitting for a reason. I made all the other chapters so long so that this chapter would have the impact is has. It's part of my master plan.
    Darius II
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    A master plan......hmmmm....still a good chapter!
  • Darius II
    1 months agoReply
    1 Like
    Chapter 23:

    A few errors with the opening sentences:

    A walk back - this makes no sense - is she walking back home from collage?

    A few suggestions:

    A terrible ache started in my heart

    How about replacing started with:

    Shook
    Begun
    Attempted
    Rise

    Or a terrible ache started to rise in my heart...etc.

    'I gave a little laugh and nodded'

    This can be rewritten as:

    I laughed, nodding my head slightly

    Or

    I laughed lightly, nodding my head.

    Or

    I laughed, shaking my head.

    Damn! From what I'm reading now....this is amazing! Abia's leaving is quite shocking. The use of timing that you have used effectively connotes to the reader foreshadowing what is happening. A little bit predictable in my terms - but none the less well used! Chapter 23 is quite bang on your face - something that you weren't expecting.
    Thereafter
    Thereafter
    97
    6501
    231
    *NaNoWriMo 2014* There are always a host of flowers on the side of the road, whether brand new or shrivelled from weeks of rest. Their appearance, though sad, was never odd. So when another wave of flowers...
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    I'm not going for surprises this late in the novel. The tragedy at this point is that you know exactly how everything it going to end.
    Darius II
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    Right I see.
  • Darius II
    1 months agoReply
    1 Like
    Ok so here's my feedback:

    There's really no flaws in the current chapters, I can't spot any errors as of such.

    Chapter 22:

    Strengths:

    - Emotional, heavy impacting on the reader.
    - Able to feel on the side of Abia more.
    - Very well writen.

    One of the things about chapter 22 was that it feels like Abia is leaving us. I don't want her to leave, but as the story goes - we are sucked into believing what you are maunpliating the reader to believe in. Its a very strong hitting chapter. My only crits would be to shorten the sentence structures a bit.

    But overall, Chapter 22 is very good! Love it so far!
    Thereafter
    Thereafter
    97
    6501
    231
    *NaNoWriMo 2014* There are always a host of flowers on the side of the road, whether brand new or shrivelled from weeks of rest. Their appearance, though sad, was never odd. So when another wave of flowers...
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    Thanks! :D
    Darius II
    1 months ago
    1 Like
    Np!
  • Darius II
    1 months agoReply
    1 Like
    Well these next four chapters were turning a blaze! Very well written, and I did feel it was kind of slow at the start, but it soon began to pick up pace very easily.

    Chapter 18 - A good chapter which sets up the premise quite well, but I'd cut down a little bit on the dialogue. Zed's an excellent character to explore and I love his style - he is Nathan 2.0!

    Chapter 19 - Again a very well written chapter, tbh I can't find much to say except your chapters have being banging hit on with the story - its going very good.

    Chapter 20 - Loved this, absoutelye well written and it was quite gripping for me as the reader to read this wonderful chapter.

    Chapter 21 - now this is where I am somewhat undecided - I tend to take the sides of characters of which I prefer....and well lets just say It is tricky. But apart from that the story is going well here because its sense of realism is just adding more and more to the story. Abia is becoming more believable/realistic, and I am liking her development as the story progresses.

    Do apologize if the feedback's not indepth as you'd like, but from what I am reading , I am running out of things to say really - your chapters/work is getting really good so I can't spot that many mistakes. Well done!#

    Will deliver next round of feedback soon.
    Thereafter
    Thereafter
    97
    6501
    231
    *NaNoWriMo 2014* There are always a host of flowers on the side of the road, whether brand new or shrivelled from weeks of rest. Their appearance, though sad, was never odd. So when another wave of flowers...
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    Thanks :) This story is complete but like I've said before, it is the first draft. This is book one in a trilogy. Books two and three are yet to be written but have been outlined in varying stages of depth XD
    Darius II
    1 months ago
    Ah ok that's fine, in the 2nd draft I'm sure you'll have more to flesh out.

    Ah....I see.... ;)

    Awaiting the triology as it comes!

    Do you mind checking out a bit more of Hulksuru? You don't need to do if you don't want too.
    Molly Looby
    1 months ago
    I will do.
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