FemaleUnited StatesMember since 23 Jan 13Last online 3 years ago

Hey there old friends and new comers! I have been a wall for a while, but I'm back! I used to write One Direction fanfiction and I will try to update those if I ever feel like it, but my main focus will be on I Hate You, my new original book. Go on, read it!

Also, I may start making cross-overs and other fanfictions including:
5SOS
Harry Potter
Hunger Games
Supernatural
Doctor Who
Sherlock
Teen Wolf
and more!

Writing is the love of my life, so I'd really appreciate it if you could do something to help me improve :) Leave feedback? Tell me my mistakes? Thank you!

  • Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    This is great! As far as I'm concerned with the blurb, there was only one tiny mistake. (Or maybe not, I could be wrong) "But will finding the truth, cost him is life?" is that comma really necessary? It just doesn't flow right when I read it. That could just be me though.

    As for chapter one... I'm speechless. It is completely and utterly breathtaking. Honestly, I could not see any mistakes. And it was amazingly written. Brilliant! I am definitely going to be continuing this story!

    Region 29
    Region 29
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    Jack Taylor is a 19 year old boy, but to Region 29 and the S.R.U. Corporation, he's Employee #7905. Because of a crime his family committed against the S.R.U, he's reassigned to the Department of Correctional...
    L. L. Lovecraft
    4 years ago
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story ^-^ I appreciate the review!
    As for the comma... I mainly put it there for dramatic effect. Since a comma insinuates a pause, it was just meant to add drama/dread.
  • Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    This is great! Although I have spotted quite a few grammatical mistakes. I'll start with the blurb:
    "shes" should be "she's" meaning "she is"
    Now as for the first chapter, you repeatedly put Mrs Bloom. I was always taught that when using an abbreviation, a period must be at the end. Meaning, it should be Mrs. Bloom.

    These are just some minor things that really caught my attention, there are other very small mistakes that you probably could fix easily yourself in further chapters. Also the pacing is great, but maybe try to separate it a little better. It can get confusing.

    This is an awesome story, though! I am certainly going to continue reading!
    Removing The Mask [Finished]
    Removing The Mask...
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    McKenzie is the girl you find at the back of the classroom scowling and always disrupting the class. She's also the very same girl you see on TV, only you don't know it. McKenzie Prince was your average...
    SarcasticMockery
    Thank you! You are absolutely right! I have actually been thinking about that today and thank you again! :)
    SarcasticMockery
    Oh! And I must say that your username is one of the best I've seen. XD
    Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    Haha thank you XD
  • Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    This is really cute!
    Some CC points (not very big)
    1. Okay, don't trust me on this one because I am very bad with punctuation myself, but the first sentence "School was like it always was, boring." The comma just doesn't feel right when I'm reading it. I don't know, I might be wrong, but maybe something else? Like a semi-colon?

    2. Some sentences, you just seem to repeat yourself a lot. For example: "Finally at home after the yelling on the bus, I was home and dropped my bag onto my bed..." You already stated he was home, so why state it again?

    3. Also, try to get a better flow going. You just skip from setting to setting, scene to scene, without a real flow.

    4. You also have some unnecessary commas. Use commas to avoid confusion.

    5. And lastly, what I used to struggle with, is keeping the same tense! You seem to switch from past tense to present a lot, and it can become a little confusing.

    Other than that I like where this is going and I look forward to reading more!
    Someone Somewhere
    Someone Somewhere
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    6
    Love letters jut got a lot weirder.
    Mina Rowen ☕
    4 years ago
    You're completely right about the commas. I think I have a comma addiction. I'm going back and re-working it now.
  • Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    This is beautiful! I'm not very into poetry that much (I don't know why, honestly) but this is beautiful! I love how you write these with so much emotion. It is honestly beautiful, and that's a lot coming from me since I'm not a big poetry reader.
    Colors of life
    Colors of life
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    A little collection of poems. Painting different colors of life. My life and others'. Some are regular poems, Others lyrics or just grooks. I hope you will take a look, ...
    Tohpi
    4 years ago
    Thank you very much! Your kind words warm my heart in this cold season :)
  • Hi, I Like Your Face;)
    Brilliant. I have nothing to critique on... Very well done! Amazing! Definitely going to be staying up all night and reading this...
    Glimpse
    Glimpse
    17
    3161
    31
    Life is normal for 16 year old Lissa Bennett, until the day she starts seeing the future. When images of events that have not yet occurred begin to appear to Lissa for no apparent reason, she and her best...
    KatieBookQueen
    4 years ago
    Thank you so much! :)
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