FemaleMember since 1 Feb 12Age 24Last online 5 years ago

Hi, my name's Hannah I'm 18 years old, and I want to be an author. That's probably not the most original thing to hear on this site, but still, it's the truth.
I don't just write because I want to, I write because I need to. The escape and the rush of finishing a chapter has now become a drug for me, I'm addicted!
so please read my stuff, and give me any constructive feedback you can!
Thanks, and I hope you enjoy :D x

  • HanEps
    6 years agoReply
    heya!
    this is very good, a very mature subject matter, but i think that you handled it very well! your desripction is wonderful, but i think you excell best at dialogue and would love to see more in another story of yours!

    one thing i would say is be careful with you descriptive language, sometimes the similies or metaphors you use dont completely suit the overall feelings. for example at the very beginning when you say 'a sheet of water', sheet is quite a hard word and takes away from the soft and flowing images you have created with words such as glowed, ethereal etc!
    but apart from that, it was very well written, well done :D
    A Free Man
    A Free Man
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    A boy reflects on how love has shaped his life as the person he is today.
  • HanEps
    6 years agoReply
    hi! so i agree wih everyone else on here in that this is a very powerful and intense piece. the emotions are there, raw and unhindered, and you really do have a wonderful style of writing.
    however, there are a few things that you could imporve upon, but theyre just little things. firstly, sometimes when you structure your sentences, it doesnt sound quite right. its to do with the order in which you put the clauses in the sentence. for example your first sentence, ould perhaps sound better as 'i inhaled the cold midnight air deeply'- just by swapping the words around the sentence becomes more coherent and flows a little better. secondly, its good to remember that sometimes the most simplistic approach is the best, especially with a story like this that is so rich in emotion, words like blase or stridently dont sound quite right within the sentence, sometimes using simpler volcabulary is more effective in getting a mesage across. also i think you might have put a few question marks in the wrong places, such as when you 'i dont know?' in the fourth pagraph, i dont think that needs to be there, its not really a question is it? more like a statement.
    this is already a wonderful piece of work Jess, and just going through it again and making sure everything makes sense will only make it better! bu for someone in year nine, this is exceptional :D
    "What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"…
    "What doesn’t kill...
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    "What doesn’t kill you make you stronger"... A man tries to battle his demons and does this by running away from them? Will he somehow be able to escape these constant torments or will he lose his sanity?
  • HanEps
    6 years agoReply
    um....wow!!!!!!!!!! you are an amazing writer! the tone of this stroy was mature, sophisticated, and lke she says at the end, in control! you really have a lot of skill. all i would say towards imporvement, if it can be improved, is the i felt that the pace may be lagging a little at the beginning! i really got into it at about the third paragraph, before then it just felt a little slow. but this is still AMAZING!!!! and i would love to read more....please? :D!!!
    Unnamed
    Unnamed
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    This is a short story i thought of... hope you like it :) Plus, songs you may want to listen to whilst reading this are: We are broken, by Paramore or Cant fight the moonlight Le Anne Rimes if you...
    Em :)
    6 years ago
    Haha :) well I'm really glad you liked it :) and i will see what i can do about the pace about the begging thank you so much :) xx
  • HanEps
    6 years agoReply
    hi!
    this is really good, very interesting. i like how you change the tone and rhythm throughout the poem, it keeps the reader on thier toes and is a great metaphor for how the speaker is feeling :D you did a really great job! did you see the comment i left on my blog as to how to enter the competition??
    Sand Castles.
    Sand Castles.
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    For the love competition although I don't know how to actully enter the competition :S
    twistedspines.
    6 years ago
    Yeah I did, I really appreciate it =]. But I entered and it didn't have need an upload or selection or anything so I'm not sure if it worked. :S Thank you so much for the kind words =]
    HanEps
    6 years ago
    what you have to do, is once youve pressed the join competition button, you copy and paste, or type out again, your poem. once youve pressed the button it should automatically take you to a page where you can write a new movella, and then you press save and its done. if you want to check if it worked just click where it says participants and try and find your poem :D and no problem, i really liked it :D
    minature
    2 years ago
    ?!?!?!?!?
  • HanEps
    6 years agoReply
    AMEN TO THAT BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    How I occupy my consciousness
    How I occupy my...
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    Internal monologues.
    HanEps
    6 years ago
    sorry got a little excited there! :P
    mockingbird
    6 years ago
    Haha! I'm glad you agree ;) ah I wish there were more hours in the day so I could have written more chapters by now, so busy in the week!!
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