MaleUnited StatesMember since 9 Oct 12Last online 5 months ago

  • GeeWizzer
    3 years agoReply
    I waiting until I read the third installment before commenting. After the alleged 28 minutes I do not know much about the protagonist. You have a lot of interesting descriptions but very little action. Very little actually happens. I’m wondering how long does this go on before something actually happens.

    The conversational cussing. I’m not so sure adding F-bombs makes this any better, deeper, more mature-sounding or more realistic. Either one of two things- this poor dude has a limited vocabulary that he can’t find the right words so he goes to default setting and screams F**K. Not really good writing.

    If this is just a draft as you go along I assume you know what’s going to happen and have a whole story arc going. Otherwise we’re just wandering along with you to some indeterminate point in the future where I assume this story is leading- unless the other reality is that you’re going to try to let the character take you anywhere he wants to go and you’ll make it up as you go along. Since nothing appeared to happen in the three installments I am worried that yes that is our journey- a hope trek trough vivid description of abstract stuff.

    If you want to vet plot questions, I’m here. If this is just a stream of consciousness type of writing adventure, then you need to get a plot.

    Respond and let me know. I’ll try to help.
    A Black Comedy
    A Black Comedy
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    Amidst their turbluent lives, Tyler met a girl named Stephanie.
  • GeeWizzer

    Tried something different

    3 years agoReply
    I decided to try something completely different for me. I like blogs and nonfiction but this time I fictionalized an experience I had. Hopefully, someone can learn from the story. I did try to follow grammar rules because I don't think punctuating like you got a 400 on your PSATs is cute and certainly won't catch the eye of any serious agent. Don't you get like a 400 or 425 for signing your name?
    GeeWizzer
    3 years ago
    1 Like
    Forgot to mention. I just finished my story- it took me months to finish and at one point I took a three month break until I could figure where the story was going. So I am proud to have finally finished and now I can look back at 15,000 plus words and feel like I accomplished something- a polished first draft! Not sure what to do next but feedback could help.
  • GeeWizzer
    3 years agoReply
    I would run this through spell check and then re-post. I am constantly being jarred out of the story because of all the typos- like shirl for shrill; thim for them; a little more punctuation would work better- using no punctuation is not "style." Not capitalizing i - e.e.cummings was the only one to get away with that.

    "Farwell" - is that anything like "farewell?"

    If you want to be taken seriously...
    If love is ant thing  like an ocean then you could say im lost at sea
    If love is ant thi...
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    No would think they would end up getting lost in the atlantic ocean.
    ordinary_berry
    3 years ago
    OMG ok I'm so sorry
    GeeWizzer
    3 years ago
    You don't have to apologize. I'm just pointing out what you need to do to be taken seriously. I am still finding lots of things that I do wrong and I try to correct them, but if nobody tells you, you'll still make them. You need more readers who say " like the story...but" Not people who just tell you how good the story is. hey are of little help to you.

    For instance- I had no idea how to write someone being interrupted when they're saying something. But it goes like this:

    "He has a gun, wait- I just have to tell you-"
    "No you don't."

    The sentence ends with last word, followed by an em dash (the above has a hyphen) and end quotes- all without any spaces. The next line is the other guy talking and starts out with quotes as usual.

    I did this a whole bunch of different ways until someone told me.
    ordinary_berry
    3 years ago
    thank you this helped me so much actually
  • GeeWizzer
    3 years agoReply
    PS- I forgot the positives- showed conflict, got right into the action. Hopefully this is the "inciting incident" that sets off the whole story not just a minor blip placed at the front of the tale. I was pulled into the story.
    Why me?
    Why me?
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  • GeeWizzer
    3 years agoReply
    Interesting start... use "You're" meaning "you are" not "Your" -- "You don;t mean that your just tired..." That mistake is made over and over by beginners. I suspect you're better than that so just fix that and you'll stand out from the crowd.
    Why me?
    Why me?
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