MaleUnited StatesMember since 5 Apr 13Age 23Last online 4 years ago

  • Gamer3427

    Monthly Short Story Contest - April/May

    4 years agoReply
    I've decided that each month, I'm going to hold a minor contest within this group. This contest will simply be to give us each a chance to practice/show off our writing skills when it comes to being given a topic. The winner of each month will have their short story listed as "past winners" in all the subsequent contests, as well as getting a pinned topic until the next contest ends......

    How to Enter: To enter, you will simply need to write a short story on the topic that is given. You are then free to post the story to the group either as you write it, or after you have finished it. It will not be submitted to the contest however, until you make a post in this thread giving the title of it, and saying that you are submitting it. On the cut off date, I will make a copy of the submissions to my computer, and will judge them based off of that. I will not be entering the contest myself, since I will be judging, and must remain impartial in my selection. I will, however, submit a short story of my own, that fits the topic, on the day that the competition ends.......

    There are NO word limits for these stories, as I feel that they are constricting when you are attempting to write. Still, use some common sense and remember that they are in fact "Short Stories". If it takes a normal person three hours to read it, then you've probably written way too much to qualify.......

    The topic for this first competition is:

    Apocalyptic World

    Write a short story involving a desolated, apocalyptic world. How the world ended up this way is up to you....

    The cut-off for this competition is May, 31st at 11:59 PM Central Standard Time.....

    This first contest has an extra half a month, since I want to give everyone time to work on it, as it is the first for our group. Future contests will only take place in a single month......
  • Gamer3427

    RW: Journal of the Forgotten - Vol. 1 - Sample

    4 years agoReply
    Journal of the Forgotten - Vol. 1 - Sample
    By: Gamer3427

    Yes, I know that the title is a mouthful. This is simply a sample section of a book that I have been working on every now and then for a while now. It is intended to be the first book in a series known as the "Journal of the Forgotten" series, which is why it is entitled "Vol. 1".....

    This sample is only the prologue and first three chapters of the book, as I don't want to put everything up until I am completely finished with it. I still want any opinions you may have in regards to the story, style, or format of it though, as the only way for me to improve as a writer is to be critiqued by my peers......

    Just in case you were curious, I have written up until chapter 11 of my book, which based on how things are going, is about 1/3 of what the book will be when it is finished. I may at some point release an additional chapter or two to this group if I get enough feedback on it.....
  • Gamer3427

    RW: End of Days

    4 years agoReply
    End of Days
    By: Gamer3427

    I don't really have that much to say, as this is one that I wrote, and I am not that good of a critic of my own work, (though to be fair, very few people are). I will state that this one was written as a short story to be submitted for a local writing competition, and I was forced to deal with a 4000 word limit, and as such was not able to go into as much detail as I wanted. That being said, I still want any feedback you might have about how to either improve it, or what you think I should do with it. I intend at some point in the, not so near, future to go back and revise/extend it, and your opinions will be very helpful......
  • Gamer3427

    RW: Mindtrap

    4 years agoReply
    Mindtrap
    By: mirlotta
    I will say that it was definitely getting better in the later sections, but I will be honest, and admit that I did have quite a few issues when reading this story. The majority of issues were not in any way with the plot itself, as I found it to be interesting, and I do look forward to its continuation. They were, rather, with the overall formatting as a whole…..
    1) Especially early on, it seemed like you were using large and extravagant words, simply for the sake of using them. This was especially evident in the first actual chapter, “Snippets”. It is good to use larger words on occasion, as it both expands the vocabulary of the majority of the readers, and also appeals to the intelligence of the readers with a higher education. That being said, you should limit yourself a little more when it comes to these words. Over use of words such as saccharin and sashayed, will scare off many readers, as well as make the passages more troublesome to read for people who are unfamiliar with these words. You need to find a middle ground between “dumbing it down” and maintaining an educated vocabulary. Just because you can use a larger word to describe something, that doesn’t mean you should…..
    2) Again, a lot more evident early on, but you need to work on your overall grammar. The passages were by no means unreadable, but there was definitely the occasional odd word or phrase that broke the flow of the sentences. When you’re writing, don’t worry about making the sentences proper, or about how they are important to what is going on, but rather worry about how they affect the flow of the narrative. You want the sentences to sound like they belong together, and the words to make sense in their placement and tense. The easiest way to test this is to re-read your work out loud to yourself. If something you have written doesn’t sound quite right, then try to find a way to re-word it. Especially given that your work is written in a first person perspective, you want every sentence to sound like something that a person would say if they were talking…..
    3) In regards to the early sections, you may want to consider re-publishing your movella with the earlier chapters combined, so that instead of many short sections, they are a few longer sections. My main problem when I was reading the early parts was that they felt very rushed and broken up, because they were separate chapters, when they clearly were meant to be read as a single passage. You should focus on starting new chapters only when either a single major event happens, or when a change of day/location occurs, or if a single chapter is becoming exceptionally long when compared to your other chapters……
    4) The last problem I had only showed up twice, and that is changing the perspective from 1st person to 3rd person. The first one, you might have completely missed that you did, and it is in chapter 4: Mindtrap. In the second paragraph, you keep referring to Pim as “she”, where as everywhere else you refer to her as “I”. I think I can understand why you might have done this at the time, but whatever your reasoning, it makes the chapter a bit confusing to read. The second example of this is when you break into another section to hint at “Romeo’s” evil intent in chapter nine. This one is completely understandable, as you are using it as a way of hinting to the reader that something isn’t right. It is however, a break from form, which makes it a bit distracting and unnecessary, especially given that you don’t do this at any other point throughout the story. If you intend to write in 1st person, then you should keep it that way, with the thoughts and information only being what is available to the character(s) who you are portraying…..
    Mirlotta
    4 years ago
    And yup, Im also aware its quite bad at the beginning. This is the first book I've ever tried writing of an actual length (Other than school stuff) I'm changing and editing now
    Gamer3427
    4 years ago
    Lol, glad I can help. Yea, out of the dozen or so people that I know, that I've showed anything I've written, only one has ever given me any actual critiquing. And that one person was a college English teacher. I hate it when the only response you get from people is "this is good". In my opinion, the only way for a writer to improve is if they get told honestly what they did right/wrong, and how to make it better........
    Mirlotta
    4 years ago
    Yep I know.. So far I've only had comments like this is good or update. Some have been detailed though so thank you to toss people!
  • Gamer3427

    RW: Occupational Hazard

    4 years agoReply
    Occupational Hazard
    By: tallulahflanjee
    Really good so far. I’m really liking your writing style so far, and think that Casey is a pretty good main character. You did a really good job of getting across her personality through dialogue, rather than by simply describing the character as many authors do. Also, I noticed that you write in a similar style to myself, in that you are willing to break the fourth wall, and establish that the character realizes that they are in/writing a story. In my opinion, that makes characters that are written in a first person perspective much more believable. I do however have a couple of nitpicks…..
    1) You really should invest in this new invention known as the comma. Lol. This is especially important in some of your longer sentences, as they need an indicator of where to pause on occasion, so as to not simply run together. If you are unsure of where and when to put a comma, simply think about where you mentally pause when you are reading to yourself. This may not seem that important, but it will make the longer sentences easier to read, as they will be broken into shorter segments without actually being a cluster of short sentences.
    2) Based off of how different the writing seems in the first chapter, I’m guessing that you probably wrote it a while before you wrote the later chapters. My advice would be to go back and revise it a little bit, to suit your newer style. It felt like it was a lot more clustered, rushed, and less focused than your later chapters. Try extending it a little bit by slowing down the pace, and giving a few more details as to what is going on, and when it’s going on. There aren’t any real indicators of how much time has passed between the beginning and end of this chapter. By saying that, “it all started when [she] was about 13,” you are giving an indication that years have passed since she met Grant, but the question is how many. 2 years? 3? A little clarification goes a long way…..
    3) As mirlotta stated, the beginning feels a bit rushed. I’m going to take it a step further, and say that you need to slow down a little bit all throughout. Take the time to explain what is going on a little bit more. I understand that you are wanting to jump straight into the main plot, which seems to start with chapter three, but you need to give good background, because otherwise the main plot will simply be detracted from by the “background” chapters. As it is, the first couple of chapters, and even a little bit the third chapter, feel more like a series of events involving the character, and less like a singular story. That’s not to say that they don’t connect, just that they could flow from one to another a bit more smoothly…..
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