FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 3 Apr 13Age 24Last online 4 years ago

  • Endofeverypage
    Well I didn't get into the top ten :( so I'm going to post a new chapter :) I think this book will require a lot of editing and fleshing out but i'm hopeful, even though I fell at this hurdle I'll have another go when I feel ready
    Type 0
    Type 0
    10
    1308
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    In a future where all supernatural creatures-- Pixies, Werewolves, Witches and Vampires-- have been categorized along with humans, Kara expects her operation to go as planned. When a child turns eighteen...
    Asuna werewolf
    4 years ago
    Are you ready yet?!?!
  • Endofeverypage
    Does anyone have an estimate as to when the top ten list will be out?
    Emmma
    4 years ago
    1 Like
    Well, on the blog on an entry today it says all entries in hands of judges so think it might be soon? Good luck everyone :D
    TheFuzz
    4 years ago
    4 Likes
    Oh i hadn't noticed that, so close :O
    Good luck guys! :]
  • Endofeverypage
    This sounds like a really good idea! Just make sure that you don't change from past to present tense accidentally, I think that was in the first paragraph of your first chapter. Also at the end of your first chapter you change from talking in first person 'I did this, I did that' to 'Sarah did this, Sarah did that' which is a bit jarring, so just pick which one you want to do and stick with it :-)

    Other than that, keep writing! It's very good.
    Varmint
    Varmint
    3
    71
    7
    Sarah has been living an isolated life at school and she has always seemed like the odd one out ever since she was little. Getting bullied for Sarah has become an everyday thing and so has living in an...
    ThunderCloud
    4 years ago
    Thankyou Endofeverypage ill be sure too! I was finding it hard to piece eveything together. Ill be sure to do that in the next chapter, thank you <3
  • Endofeverypage
    1 Like
    It is officially entered it in :-) Though I did need to send two emails as I forgot the terms and conditions about sending your address and stuff :-P I think I was a bit nervous. Should be alright though, now it is the waiting game!
    Type 0
    Type 0
    10
    1308
    18
    In a future where all supernatural creatures-- Pixies, Werewolves, Witches and Vampires-- have been categorized along with humans, Kara expects her operation to go as planned. When a child turns eighteen...
  • Endofeverypage
    1 Like
    I love the world you've created, and the main character is fleshed out already in this short piece, so very well done :-)

    The only thing I would say is that you use a lot of descriptive words, like 'I liked my lips solemly' that make it a bit confusing to read in places. Sometimes I find that shorter sentences like just 'My stomach growled.' make it sharp and create more tension. It also fits a bit better with the mindset the character would have at the time, as she's hiding from these scary people so her brain would be firing pretty fast I think. Don't take all of them out, as a lot of them really help set the scene, but make them a bit more spread out.

    Don't get me wrong, I love the story, please keep writing! You have a very good imagination, and you can definitely get that across to your readers :-)
    Solitare
    Solitare
    3
    102
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    "Rosalynn-Skie Rowe. A zero. Is that okay with you?" 17 year-old Rosalynn-Skie Rowe, a zero since birth, grew up in a world were scientific mutation indicated social stature; ranging from zero to nine,...
    Endofeverypage
    5 years ago
    1 Like
    Yes it is :-) It makes it seem that you are using the descriptive words for a reason now, as apposed to before when it seemed like you just liked to use them. I really like it :-D
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