FemaleAustraliaMember since 5 Feb 14Last online 3 years ago

  • emilyfinkster
    Try to sort out your thoughts as well so they don't seem like they're running into each other. What I mean by that is, from sentence to sentence, you lack the proper transition and, once again, every line seems jumpy. Also, length. Try to make chapters a bit longer so the fanfiction itself can become a bit more intriguing. Entertainment is key. I, myself, have been writing for years. I've taken all of the constructive criticism I've gotten and used it to make my own stories better. Now, I'm working on a teen novel:) You seem like a lovely person and I just want to help and I hope this wasn't too bothersome to read. Keep up the good work honey and I wish you the best coming from a fellow One Direction fan.
    My Baker Boy
    My Baker Boy
    21
    5188
    23
    [Book 1 of My Baker Boy Series] Diana Garcia has a pretty normal but lonely life. But after moving to Indianapolis and meeting her two best friends, she gets the opportunity of her life. She gets to live...
    mochabear511
    4 years ago
    thank you for your criticing. I'll try some of those ideas. I'm still a beginner though...
  • emilyfinkster
    Hi, love. I think your story is good and I hope you don't mind if I critique it just a bit. First off, the storyline is good but it's a bit dull and random. The flow is just a bit off from chapter to chapter. Fluidity is one of the most important things whether it's a novel or fanfiction. Also, description description description. I feel like you could add more detail to give readers a clearer view of the message you're trying to portray. For example, describe the room they're in. Describe the colors of the walls or the texture of the floor. Give little things big descriptions and it will take your fanfiction from a C+ to an A.
    My Baker Boy
    My Baker Boy
    21
    5188
    23
    [Book 1 of My Baker Boy Series] Diana Garcia has a pretty normal but lonely life. But after moving to Indianapolis and meeting her two best friends, she gets the opportunity of her life. She gets to live...
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