FemaleUnited StatesMember since 7 Mar 16Last online 1 days ago

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A writer, singer, fangirl, and lover of all things fantasy

Hello, and thanks for looking at my stories! I love comments, and the more people tell me to update, the sooner I'll update. I love people telling me what they think, even if it's constructive criticism. Hey, if you want to help make my work better, be my guest. I don't like hate comments, but there's nothing I can do about them so if you hate my stories I'm sorry.

Gems of Movellas 2- When The World Falls To Darkness

Second entry for the blogging competition

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  • Dragon rider fangirl
    I nominate When the World Falls to Darkness by @[DragonSoulJess]

    When the World Falls to DarknessA kingdom at war, a web of truth and lies, a vicious game of friendship and betrayal, and a world that will kill you, whatever path you take. When the...

    It's incredibly written, has realistic and understandable characters. The world design is flawless, and revealed gradually without a huge info dump right at the start. The plot flows steadily, and all the characters have distinct and fascinating personalities.
    1 months ago
    Aww, thank you so much! <3
    (Hopefully there'll be another chapter within the next two weeks :D xD)
  • Dragon rider fangirl
    Okay, here's the CC swap, as promised

    I don't normally read these types of stories, so my review may not be as in depth

    Plot: As far as I can tell, the world's gone down the drain and people run around killing each other. That's about it. Kind of basic. Not sure if there's some deeper level to this, but that's what I'm getting.
    Characters: Zero and Hunter have two aspects. Homicidal, and insane. Zero seems to have a bit of a heart, but Hunter is callous and emotionless. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but it makes them hard to read about as they don't have any human-like traits at all. That kind of takes you away from the story. (At least in my perspective) Hunter is the classic sociopath- kill everybody. Done. No morals. That also makes it kind of boring, seeing as the characters have little or no depth.
    Writing style: This is well done, at least. You've managed to capture how disastrous the world is in a few short chapters. It's got an edgy and dark feel to it, which, if that's what you're going for, is well done.
    Grammer: Nothing major that I spotted.

    Not my favorite story, but I rarely read stories along this theme. For the genre you gave it, it's well done. Congratulations.
    Axiom: Transcendence
    Axiom: Transcenden...
    There came a time in the world's history when the flow of time was altered, and reality as was known to mankind, changed. From the epicentre of this distortion, a passage emerged: The Satanic Gate, the...
    1 months ago
    Thanks for your review ^.^
    As for Hunter and Zero, the story is an all too infant stage for me delve deeper into their personality. And, yeah, I meant for them to be unreadable. It's quite crucial to the crux of the story.
    Anyways, I'll get to your story ASAP( I have exams. Arggh!!)
    Dragon rider fangirl
    Alright, that's fine, no pressure
  • Dragon rider fangirl
    1 Like
    Here's your review for the CC swap! I focus mainly on details, not gramatical things, just so you're aware.
    Okay, so I’ll do my best to give an overview of the entire story.

    Plot: I’ve never read a pirate story before, but I liked this one. It was exciting, with a lot of action going on, and when I could figure out what was actually going on, then I enjoyed it very much. However, it was hard to tell who was what, where, and when.

    Characters: I read your chapter on edits, and I agree that Morrow was a rather shallow character. I personally wasn’t bothered by his attitude- it was amusing, and I think it gave his character a distinctive persona. But I do agree, he could get a little unlikable. I read your edited chapter of Hoist the Colors, and I liked that version of Morrow much more. The Morrow in this story also seemed to have this odd habit of picking fights that he couldn’t win, and then running away. A lot of running away. I’m not sure there was a single fight they got into where they didn’t end up running away. That kind of seems contradictory, considering Morrow’s hotheadedness, you’d think he’d stay and fight, not run for his life every single time.
    Toro and Arverly showed up briefly, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of them. I had no idea how old they were, who they were, what they liked, where they came from… anything. All I knew was that Arverly liked explosions and had somehow gotten his hands on gunpowder- something that didn’t seem to be common at that time. I would have liked more information on those two. Especially on Toro’s relationship with Morria- or Gwen, as I see she’s been renamed.
    Firstly, I appreciate your changes to Morria. I did think her name sounded a little too much like Morrow’s- (They have similar names, they’re meant for each other!) but her character was a little hard to understand. I had no clue why she did what she did, and there wasn’t much development for her. She was there, then she was swearing revenge on Morrow, and then she was just there again.

    Writing style: As I said before, this story was incredibly spastic. It was very good for a first draft, but it was usually very very hard to tell what was going on. For example, one minute they were on a beach after having wrecked a ship, then they were fighting pirates, then they were fighting each other, all in the space of a few sentences. It was hard to tell where they were and what was going on, so a little clarity would be useful. as well, as much as I appreciate all the action there was never any time for characters to be developed, so that was a problem.

    Grammer and punctuation: There were a few mistakes here and there, but nothing super major.
    Hoist The Colours **Unedited Spelling Mistakes**
    Hoist The Colours...
    I only have a limited amount of time to tell you this dear readers. I am Morrow. I am sixteen. And I'm a pirate. (Awesome cover by Lady Tatertot! Go check out her cover shop, guys! That is, after you're...
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