FemaleUnited StatesMember since 7 Mar 16Last online 9 hours ago

A writer, singer, fangirl, and lover of all things fantasy

Hello, and thanks for looking at my stories! I love comments, and the more people tell me to update, the sooner I'll update. I love people telling me what they think, even if it's constructive criticism. Hey, if you want to help make my work better, be my guest. I don't like hate comments, but there's nothing I can do about them so if you hate my stories I'm sorry.


**Winner of Red Queen competition with Steel Queen**
**Winner of Replica competition with Ascendence**

Gems of Movellas 2- When The World Falls To Darkness

Second entry for the blogging competition

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  • Dragon rider fangirl
    Okay, here's a review for the feedback swap. I'll divide it into a few parts.

    (This might be slightly harsh, I'm sorry if it comes across that way)

    Characters: Truth be told, it's super hard to tell who's who. There was a lot of name dropping at the start, and the whole werewolf/vampire/faery/elf thing confused me. I couldn't tell who was who, and who was what. It took me maybe five chapters to work that out. Also, a lot of the characters are slightly stereotypical. Helios and Atlas are kind of the goofy extra friends, and Rose is your typical spoiled brat.
    Plot: As far as I can tell there isn't really one. There's no specific kind of goal Ariadne seems to be working towards, and there is a lot of time skipping. The one major event was the death of her father, but I can't see where the story is going, or why it's going there. There's suggestions of love interest between Raven and Ariadne, which is very similar to every high school/college love story ever- the girl and the mysterious boy that she hates, but then falls in love with. I don't know that they'll end up together, but a lot of signs point towards that. It's a bit like writing a day to day basis- there's not really any major conflicts or things that could lead to a climax and a resolution.
    World: This confuses me too. There are mentions of this being a different thing, away from the 'mortal' world. It would be cool if you could mention more about that. Also, there's a lot of magic being used, but they also seem to have technology? That confuses me a bit.
    Other: You portrayed the father's death and Ari's emotions, as well as those of her younger sister, really well. the relationship with Rose was kind of odd, but it added another dimension to the story. I also don't get why Atlas would think she was lying. If there had been earlier tension between her and Atlas it would make a little more sense, but him not believing her out of the blue is a little strange.

    Keeping in mind the fact that this story is only six chapters so far, it leaves a lot of room for development. So far, it's pretty good for a classic high school story, with the friend enemy love interest dynamics, but it's a little confusing at parts. Pretty good so far though, keep at it!
    Every Pretty Colour [CAMP NANO JULY '17]
    Every Pretty Colou...
    Dunara. 2013. A whole civilisation hidden in the middle of the North sea, flourishing on a tiny unknown island. Ariadne Bellerose is one of its citizens, a witch about to begin her second year of secondary...
    Le Fox
    2 weeks ago
    Thank you so much, I'll keep all this in mind when I'm editing! :)
  • Dragon rider fangirl
    What counts as 'diverse?'
    Dragon rider fangirl
    Do they have to be the main character, or can we just have diverse characters in the story and count that?
    3 weeks ago
    I would guess since the competition is about diversity, it'd have to be a main character, or at least the story being about the minority. @[Skye S] is that right?
    Skye S
    3 weeks ago
    The minority character does not have to be the main character @[Chelber], although thanks for checking XD
  • Dragon rider fangirl
    This says mortals and gods... do you have to use an already existing pantheon of gods, or can you create your own?
    3 months ago
    1 Like
    I think you could make up your own because it doesn't specify, but I'll tag @[Skye S] just to check. :)
    Dragon rider fangirl
    1 Like
    Thank you!
    Skye S
    3 months ago
    Yes @[Dragon rider fangirl] you may use an existing pantheon of gods or create your own - both options would work :) Thanks for checking!
  • Dragon rider fangirl
    1 Like
    PathsWhat is a path? Nothing but a choice made to go in one direction or the other. What happens if you choose the wrong direction? (Last Sentence challenge,...
    I just saw this, I am so sorry!
    But I read it and I am glad you wrote those chapters! They are so gripping......
    Nice work :)
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