FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 4 Apr 13Last online 2 years ago

  • Love you Forever
    Love you Forever
    2
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    7
    by D.B.
  • Run...
    Run...
    5
    259
    7
    by D.B.
  • D.B.
    3 years agoReply
    Hiya I like this story it's great for the competition you've entered however it spans a long period of time and with a short story like this it's difficult to be able to really make people feel like they know the characters as well as they should. I also feel it needs to be written in 3rd person. Finally in the first chapter you wrote up. Down. Up. Down. Things like this need to be written as a rule of 3 so up down up down up down to add more effect as two, to me, sounds unfinished. However a great story which feels like a Disney Fairytale and had me wanting more. Xx
    Freak Of Nature
    Freak Of Nature
    19
    568
    31
    From the time she was born, Eva Ariel has been declared a "freak of nature". She can see people's basic body, but not their features. Never their features. Suddenly, everything changes when she meets two...
    Uniqua Niques
    3 years ago
    Hi DB thanks for this amazing feedback, I will definitely be taking your advice on board. You've given great advice that no one else has thought of such as the rule of 3 and 3rd person idea! I will soon be editing and improving :D
    Uniqua Niques
    3 years ago
    P.S: my initials are DB too!! Cool!
    P.S.S: I totally understand if you don't want to do this because you have put lots of time and effort into this review but your constructive criticism is just so helpful I was wondering whether you could maybe write some CC on another one of my movellas, My Unbelievable Life or Different Sides Of The Dispute? Thanks so much again xx
  • D.B.
    3 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Hiya this is really really good! Really gripping and a great read. My only small comment would be try to not go for too long without speech as it can draw the reader into a sense of your just running rather than being yelled at from all directions, as an example this is a great story and you are a great author and using some great vocabulary xx
    Welcome to The New World
    Welcome to The New...
    17
    974
    14
    Lir is a Lab Rat. Or she was, until she managed to fight her way out of the facility known as Quarantine. Armed with two legs and one arm, she lives a short life in the abandoned world, stuck between coping...
  • D.B.

    Want a better Movella?

    3 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Hi I'd love to read all of your lovely movellas and critique them to help you make them better in any way shape or form. So please pick me if you want your movella looked at. Xxx��
    DragonSoulJess
    3 years ago
    Thanks! :D
    Artemis J. Potter
    The Other Half*GoodVsEvil Contest entry. Cover by R.L. Gilbert* Bamaria Denner uses her powers of duplication to separate her sinful side away from the good. But that...
    L. L. Lovecraft
    3 years ago
    If you're interested in Science Fiction/Romance:
    Case StudiesChildren who are unlucky enough to fall into the 'system' basically have until their teens to be adopted. Couples don't want to bring teenagers home when...
  • D.B.

    mumbled "Covers needed?"

    3 years agoReply
    Hi anyone need a cover doing I'd love to have a go at doing one even though mine are pretty awful at the moment thanks xx D.B
  • D.B.
    4 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Please update this is amazing best movella I have read in a while
    No protection 15+ LOTS OF SEXXX
    No protection 15+...
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    900
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    Gigi is a freshman at Meadowland High school. Every year, the male seniors of the school get to pick a freshman girl and make her his slave........ It is the day of the picking and Gigi is scared when...
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