FemaleUnited StatesMember since 5 Mar 14Last online 5 months ago

  • Cherrygirl52
    Do you have to be a young writer to enter? I'm an old writer, since age 5, but would like the challenge of this. Nothing published yet, but eager to get motivated on something! Ok if not. I'll join competition.
    Xian
    1 years ago
    You should totaly enjoy the competition, i would like to read your text
    3 SECOND LUKE
    1 years ago
    @[Cherrygirl52] No, I'm pretty sure you can join this competition c:
    Don't feel afraid to ask again, I just hope that I've answered correctly,
    if not I'll ask for reassurance from a Higher Rank c:
    Skye S
    1 years ago
    1 Like
    It's perfectly alright that you join! We do not discriminate between young and "old" writers and would welcome your entry if you still want to :-)
  • Cherrygirl52
    Hey. I like your character names and the way you describe their feelings with the words they say. When asked if she's excited about her first day, she replies "not really." but in a way, the way you describe how carefully (albeit you the author may not realize this) she chooses her clothes and describes them (vans etc..) she does kind of care..at least from a reader's POV this is what I got. So when she says, not really...she actually seems to be but just doesn't want to share he ambivalence. You may want to change "not really.." I admit...to "Not really," I lied, shrugging my shoulders trying to show I don't care.

    I like the way you move through your scenes quickly. You might want to show how each person looks rather than telling, ie when ashton looks in the mirror, she pushes back a strand of her long dark hair...etc. You don't always have to do this, but it mixes it up.
    Also, I like how you describe the boy's "chocolately brown irises..." see the reader understands the color of his eyes, although using "chocolately brown" is redundant (not necessary). Just by calling them chocolate brown eyes is enough to give the reader the essence of how dark his eyes are!
    So far so good. I say if you like your story, keep writing. If you want to take a break and start another, leave this be for a while. I like the situation where they find themselves in a home for girls (for whatever reason) and the fact that "we all have different reasons why we are here but we don't like to talk about them..." is excellent. Don't know how far you are going with this, but it might be nice (if you are stuck) to focus on a few characters and what their backstory is and how do they feel about Mrs. Jessica?( is she a nurturer or not..I like her to be a safe person, and also that little one who tried to snatch the bacon. It would be nice to have a younger person living there where your heroine could somehow take under her wing and thoughout the book, from Ashton's POV, she could actually help heal the others. Just a thought. You have a very interesting subject line....most people are writing about girls setting up other girls to get hurt...you have the potential to show your young readers (ages 12-180 how to deal with the issues and that one can overcome through love and strength and courage. Of course, you have to have one or two "Mean girls".... I believe you can work through that. This could be that coming of age book, where young girls can help and heal and not destroy and condemn. Hope that helps. It's worth a fresh look. This is what we call "freeflow" writing and this is a perfect place for that! "Freeflow" is when a writer just starts writing down all their thoughts and feelings about a storyline. It's a really good technique for beginning younger writers because (although you should attempt at grammar and punctuation etc...that's critical) it doesn't have to be perfect. Sometimes the storyline just flows. Then you go into the draft stage, first second, etc. where you reread and change. Don't get too hung up on the rewrites. Freeflow your storyline and let's see where it goes! There are "editors" who will work it all out! I hope this helps you! I believe everyone has a story to tell. If you enjoy it...that's all that matters. Others will, too! PS Since the age group is young, I suggest you watch some of the language....certain words of course will show the character. But too much might turn off your readers. They may talk like that in their lives, but may not want to read it like that.....Just as thought!
    Falling
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    Ashton Maybelline Flores Is A Insecure 17 Year Old Girl Who Has Only One True Friend Named Boston. She Lives In A Home For Troubled Girls Because She Tried To Commit Suicide When She Was 14 Because Of...
  • Cherrygirl52
    Rose or Dimitri..a stalemate? actually, because they both love each other, as they begin a slight competition could occur, but the thought of "winning" over one's ultimate life partner, allows them to allow each other to enjoy...it could happen at one time when they are becoming competitive, and they are face to face with the intensity of winning, and in that moment, each realize that to defeat the other, in any way shape or form, either in front of a group, or alone, would not work. It could, would shatter the love and safety you DC have so carefully wrought and convinced me. No, it will eventually be a "stalemate" much in the sense that once down, or "defeated" each throws away their weapon and unite, unshattered, completely bonded. For this simple act shows more of a commitment to each other than any other. The do not need to defeat one another. They would each give their lives, albeit their vanities, their pride to defend not oppose each other. Good luck! Love it!
    A New Beginning - Vampire Academy fanfic
    A New Beginning...
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    Rose Hathaway just received her fairy tale ending, or did she? The emotional weight of what she's done comes crashing down. She needs Dimitri to heal her fragile mental state, but he'll be halfway across...
  • Cherrygirl52
    This is so intriguing! Eventually, yes. But I feel that he is strong enough not to interfere with whatever plans they have going on now. He seems to be a very strong, focused character...smart and clever. He would never jeopardize the mission OR the love he has for Rose. He will do anything to keep her safe. So not yet, not now....but you'll know when! PS Just reread chapters 1-3 and just finished Chapters 4 &5. Your writing style has definitely been adjusted for the better! (It was very good to begin with) I think you are moving the storyline along quickly and it is a fast and fascinating read! Can't wait to finish all the chapters tonight! I haven't read any of this series but now I am captivated. Keep up the good work!! I love that you publish your chapters back to back. Like any good read, sometimes you get into a book so much that you don't want it to end...ever! Kudos for capturing that essence, Miss DC!
    A New Beginning - Vampire Academy fanfic
    A New Beginning...
    7
    4807
    10
    Rose Hathaway just received her fairy tale ending, or did she? The emotional weight of what she's done comes crashing down. She needs Dimitri to heal her fragile mental state, but he'll be halfway across...

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