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  • C. Collier
    4 years agoReply
    This is a really interesting idea, I love when stories are told from the perspective of inanimate objects. However, I do have one critique, you switch from past to present tense which can be distracting. Overall, I do like this a lot. :)
    Monstrous Seas
    Monstrous Seas
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    Anyone who read the Odyssey (or a shortened version like I did!) knows how Odysseus felt throughout that whole ordeal. But what about his ship that constantly sailed though thick and thin? Here's its point...
    Sixth Legion Victrix
    Ooh, thanks for the CC! I will have to go and edit that.....yeah, this was a prompt for my language class last year, so I wasn't as good of a writer.
    C. Collier
    4 years ago
    It's well written regardless:)
    Sixth Legion Victrix
    Thanks! :)
  • C. Collier
    4 years agoReply
    1 Like
    I very much enjoyed this and have not found any critiques to give, so kudos to you! That being said, I really appreciate the background given for Stacey/Charlotte/Lissa's friendship. Often times the former BBF turned Queen Bee story is just given a few lines of dialogue for plot, but this was refreshing as it was a fully fleshed out history that showed vulnerability in her character. Can't wait to read more!
    Glimpse
    Glimpse
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    Life is normal for 16 year old Lissa Bennett, until the day she starts seeing the future. When images of events that have not yet occurred begin to appear to Lissa for no apparent reason, she and her best...
    KatieBookQueen
    4 years ago
    Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :)
  • C. Collier
    4 years agoReply
    I really enjoyed the imagery in this piece, and I'm very intrigued by the story's description. Two critiques I do have are 1) you sometimes flip between past and present tense 2) I feel like the story could benefit from either a page break or a new chapter after Ada discovers the body. I can't wait to read more! :)
    The Gift
    The Gift
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    A story about the friendship between a young girl and an old woman. However, this tale takes a nasty twist.
    Caitlin Grey
    4 years ago
    1 Like
    Well it's just a short story I did for English class so I couldn't chapter it. Thanks for the advice though
  • C. Collier
    4 years agoReply
    I'm very intrigued by the story you're creating. I appreciate that you have a knowledge of not only mythology but also of Ancient Greece. That being said, I do have a few critiques (mainly just editing) to help you along. First, you seem to go back and forth between past and present tense in some sentences, I feel like you want to remain in present, so it will be an easy fix. There are a few instances for redundancy and also repetition in your words/phrases. As far as the story and plot line go, I feel like the story would benefit from a later reveal of Ares being the culprit, sort of a build up/mystery would be awesome. The only other idea I have is to flesh out the build up to her leaving a little more. Describe the training, maybe about her cute trainer and how much she misses her dad. I'm excited to see how the story evolves, I feel like this is going to be a really good one! :))
    Ελληνική ζωή μου (My Greek Life)
    Ελληνική ζωή μου...
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    This is a story about a girl who lived in Acient Greece. Her family is torn apart by the gods and she sets out to seek revenge. What will happen in her journey to Mount Olympus?
    Lanie Athena
    4 years ago
    1 Like
    Ok! Thanks for all the great tips! I will go through and add those things. This was originally for a class assignment and i thought that it was getting to long to i just kind of summed it up a little.......actually a lot, but you get my point.
  • C. Collier
    4 years agoReply
    1 Like
    This was a really good short. There's a lot of voice in your work, and you create wonderful imagery. The only critique I have is that at some points you repeat a word or phrase multiple times, I would just suggest finding synonyms to make it flow a bit better. Overall it was a great read :)
    September Campaigne
    September Campaign...
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    Poland, 1939. Hitler has just begun his invasion of the East lands.
    C. Collier
    4 years ago
    1 Like
    I totally relate, I'll reread something after I've posted it and realize I used a word like 18 times. I look forward to reading more things from you, Mr. Johnson! :)
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