United KingdomMember since 14 Dec 12Last online 8 hours ago

"I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us"

Badges:
(OvO) [///] (:•:) [#] }>F (:&:)
-O-//
O O
-\ /
--\/
./\_/\
.( . . )
..\_/
(0)__(0)
I * ^ * I
( I(__)I )
(O)(O)
If you are nice enough to be one of my fans, you can proudly call yourself a lollipop.
Here's a badge: (@)---- . If you have time, I would really appreciate feedback on some of my work. Thank you if you bothered to read this. :)

  • bobsicle
    8 hours agoReply
    In this first chapter, you've already made the personalities of the characters very clear, especially the narrator. The language you've used - in particular when you're describing people - is clever and really helps me to imagine the scene, as well as conveying the emotions of the main character. I can't wait to read more! :)
    One thing you tend to do is write sentences that don't quite make sense on their own. Maybe you could look at using different punctuation , because although what you're trying to say can still be understood, it would be more 'grammatically correct' if you changed it. This is mainly noticeable at the start. Other than that, your writing is brilliant. You've gained a new fan! :)
    The Time Travellers Notebook
    The Time Traveller...
    2
    14
    4
    This is about a broken girl who finds a huge secret, a few friends and the answer to the question is time travel really possible?
    Queen of Dreams
    2 hours ago
    Yes thank-you, I can see that now when I reread it. :)
  • bobsicle
    4 days agoReply
    This is beautiful. The language you've used is extraordinary, and the clever way you've followed the theme of the line is really effective. You create such wonderful imagery with the eloquence of the description, and you've structured it very well. I especially love the emotion throughout the poem, in particular the poignancy of the ending. Good luck in the competition!
    If Music is Love Expressed [For the Epic Poeticness Poetry Competition]
    If Music is Love...
    6
    54
    20
    This wasn't meant to turn out really negative but it kind of did, and I have no clue why, so sorry about that :) and if you want to make me a cover, then please feel free!
    Love2write
    4 days ago
    Thank you so much for reading and commenting, means a lot :)
  • bobsicle
    5 days agoReply
    If music is love expressed :)
    Music (Epic Poeticness Poetry Compet...For the Epic Poeticness Poetry Competition :) This poem turned out quite depressing, but yeah.
    The Epic Poeticness Poetry Competition
    The Epic Poeticnes...
    14
    707
    96
    Seeing as there aren't a lot of competitions for poets, here is my own Epic Poeticness Poetry Competition :) Good luck, may the force be with you and odds ever in your favour.
  • bobsicle
    5 days agoReply
    I love the tone and the dialogue. You're an expert at creating characters with clear personalities and writing realistic and interesting interactions between them. :) Good luck in the competition!
    Keep Talking
    Keep Talking
    4
    90
    5
    A prequel to 'Shut Up' for the sequel/prequel contest. This is the story of how Owen and Amara came to be. This is the story of how their love for one another pushed past barriers. This is the story...
  • bobsicle
    5 days agoReply
    I love the new chapter! The characters are really getting clearer (not that they weren't clear before) so now their stories are even more relatable and engaging. :) I'm really enjoying this.
    Stranger and Me
    Stranger and Me
    34
    497
    39
    Claire and Jonathan met online and share everything with each other. Alicia and Sally met in a book shop and their friendship started to blossom into something else. Cover by RT Cipher. Rated Yellow...
    BowTiesAreCool
    5 days ago
    Thank you :) I'm starting to struggle with it because I knew how it would start and I know how it will end but I'm not sure what to do now
    bobsicle
    5 days ago
    If you're stuck, introduce a little event that would be relevant for all the characters but is quite insignificant in the way it affects the plot, like a small occasion (e.g. Mothers Day - interesting from Claire's POV!) . That way you can emphasise the different feelings and personalities of the characters and have a minor thing that can move the story on a bit.
Loading ...