FemaleUnited StatesMember since 1 Apr 15Age 18Last online 1 years ago

Uber geek // Writer // Poet // Nerd

  • BWJ Smith
    1 years agoReply
    Hey! I replied in the forums for a cc! I am only commenting on the first chapter as it is around the same length as my short story, but I plan on reading more.

    Anyways, I found your story VERY interesting. I love both the concept and the character's voice very much.

    I did however notice that you over described in a few places. In the third paragraph you spent nearly the entire thing describing how the hat fell off the head, how you picked it up then cleaned it off, and then a complaint about it. Instead, aybe shorten it to something like "A gust of wind blew my hat (even name the type of hat, it adds character) off my head. I bent over, shook the water off, and attempted to dry it off with a napkin I found in my pocket." You don't even NEED the paragraph in the sentence, but if it's supposed to symbolize something (as lots of good writers usually use sentences like this for), then shorten it. It felt long winded.

    Other than a few moments like that, it was flawless. The character we are in the mind of feels real and I had no problem with being related to them. Fantastic job, the three of you!
    A Stab in the Dark
    A Stab in the Dark
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    A detective. A forensic scientist. A journalist. Three lives drawn together by a murder. When evidence lies and the case evolves, who can you trust in a city full of lies? ---- Updated every Wednesday...
    w0lverine
    1 years ago
    Thank you :-)
  • BWJ Smith

    Hello... I'm new!

    1 years agoReply
    Well, sort of. I had forgotten my password to this, so I tried to log into my email, which was hacked. I just randomly remembered the password ( A WHOLE FREAKING YEAR LATER) to this and PRESTO I am here. So yeah :{P

    Anyway, anyone want to chat?
    BWJ Smith
    1 years ago
    Thanks!
    Saintc
    1 years ago
    I'm new too :-) how are you all?
    Nathan
    1 years ago
    Your little story made me laugh haha! Thanks!

  • BWJ Smith
    1 years agoReply
    Hey, I've seen you on Figment! yOu have fantastic work :D
    CEMO
    1 years ago
    Lol thanks! Sorry I don't go on as much as I used to. I really need to write more short pieces that I can post online ��
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