FemaleMember since 8 Jun 12Age 40Last online 5 years ago

Writer, raider, roleplayer. I came for the contest and will be staying for the stories.

http://darkintent.wordpress.com

  • Astoreth
    5 years agoReply
    The formatting in part one makes it really hard to read!

    Speaking from experience, RP logs don't make for great stories (especially to people who don't RP online, which most of your audience doesn't!) without a LOT of massaging to convey the flow of the scene effectively to a person who wasn't there. I can tell that you did a little bit of work on it, but your tale would benefit from the time invested in a full rewrite so that it reads like an actual *story* rather than a chatlog.

    I notice that I'm the first commenter on this story and I want to reassure you that I'm not trying to me mean or put you down. You're submitting this story for a contest, so you *want* it to be easily read and understood, and you *want* it to make sense to people -- because otherwise they're not going to vote for it. Saying "this is just what happened, sorry if it doesn't make sense" isn't going to win you prizes. :-) Best of luck to you, and if you do decide to revise it I will look forward to reading the finished product.
    The Tower
    The Tower
    1
    1034
    1
    This story is based on some RP ive done in World of Warcraft. Early warning,this story is pretty much erotic(not proud of writing such a thing but im somehow good at it) The story itself is about two...
  • Astoreth
    5 years agoReply
    I like this, and am interested to see where it goes.

    Paragraphs in Chapter 1 would be super.
    The Death Knight
    The Death Knight
    3
    1627
    3
    A story about a death knight who wanted to make a difference... It's a story written as a World of Warcraft fan fiction.
    Dinah Sparrow
    5 years ago
    Thanks :) Ive made some paragraphs now, i totaly forgot - thanks for reminding me!
  • Astoreth
    5 years agoReply
    Oh, I like this very much.
    Reborn
    Reborn
    5
    1230
    7
    A short story inspired by a picture... To be reborn, is to have a second chance. In undeath you may accomplish what you could not in life.
    Navimie
    5 years ago
    TY Astoreth :)
  • Astoreth
    5 years agoReply
    I'm not able to do more than scan at the moment, but your writing looks excellent and you've obviously done your research. Very nice!
    World of Warcraft-master and mount
    World of Warcraft-...
    13
    5152
    39
    My entry for the WoW comp... told from the point of veiw of a frostsaber, the mount of a sentinel night elf. If you notice anything wrong or that wouldn't happen in WoW, please let me know! I have never...
    DragonSoulJess
    5 years ago
    Thank u! I spent ages on the Wowiki site, had to keep checking back and checking back some more, and double checking stuff, doing more reaserch, cos i didn't know anything about WoW...
    Veritas
    5 years ago
    Really?! Wow! (As in wow that's a mazing) I thought you were a player! I'm impressed!
    DragonSoulJess
    5 years ago
    =D
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