MaleUnited KingdomMember since 18 Feb 13Age 27Last online 1 years ago

Dream-weaver.

  • Archi_Leach
    4 years agoReply
    I'm sure you've had more of this up in other versions, but I'm very excited to follow this version of it as I haven't before. Particularly intrigued about 19thC England and how that'll work!

    Interesting character, convincingly portrayed :)
    Victoriana
    Victoriana
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    In the process of being revised! Set in both 21st Century Japan and 19th century England, Victoriana follows a young girl, Ai, tied to two worlds. It explores the meaning of what it truly means to belong,...
    sakura❀
    4 years ago
    Thanks :) I'm still researching a bit :D but I'm getting there :D
  • Archi_Leach
    4 years agoReply
    I quite like this, but some of the dialogue - particularly the request for childcare at the end - seems a little forced and unnatural. Wouldn't Harper call her a daughter rather than child, for instance? Just something to think about. Keep it up :)
    The Hidden Truth
    The Hidden Truth
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    Clara hasn't seen her sister for years, and she's not sure she wants to after all this time. Harper was so close to her, someone she knew like the back of her hand, but leaving the family for Uni changed...
    Alice♫
    4 years ago
    Thanks and okay I'll take that into account when I go over to edit it :)
    Alice♫
    4 years ago
    I have changed it now - does this solve the fact that you found it forced and unnatural, or do you have any other ideas in how I can make it seem the opposite? :)
  • Archi_Leach
    4 years agoReply
    What a cool idea - it's like AI or iRobot! I love stories which make you think about what it means to be human. Well done & keep it up :)
    Hollow People
    Hollow People
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    All the Dead must Rise.
  • Archi_Leach
    4 years agoReply
    The punctuation errors the fuzz pointed out do plague this - try sorting it out! I see you're trying to establish the differences in characters but it all seems a little forced & rushed - there's a lot of characterisation and not very much plot. You might try and go for more of a mix. Anyway, keep up the good work.x
    The Life Of Miss Amelia Holmes: The Locket
    The Life Of Miss...
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    Amelia Rose Holmes. Is Not your average High school student. With the constant drama of her life and the ever so sudden appearance of James Moriarty will she be protected. (Sherlock Holmes fanfic)
    ~Hunter Rose~
    4 years ago
    Thanks yeah Punctuation is my down fall, :) but Oh well ille try and edit it. And Im sorry it was rushed! x Thanks for the feed back.
    ~Hunter Rose~
    4 years ago
    I've edited most of it x :)
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