FemaleUnited StatesMember since 30 Dec 14Last online 2 years ago

I just like to write

  • Allison D
    2 years agoReply
    Your haikus are so pretty! I love writing haikus and I feel like they're some of the prettiest things ☺️
    Haiku
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    Just a collection of haiku poems, enjoy :)
    Alice♫
    2 years ago
    Thank you so much and yeah I agree, short but meaningful :)
    Alice♫
    2 years ago
    And thank you for fanning by the way :)
  • Allison D
    2 years agoReply
    "Wooden girls with wooden souls and wooden lives committing wooden crimes" fantastic line.
    plunder.
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    "When I get old," drawled Sorianne slowly, flicking her smile across the table, "I'm going to be richer than my daddy is now. And I don't care if I have to lie, or steal, or plunder my way through life...
    Mirlotta
    2 years ago
    Thank you so much. <3
  • Allison D
    2 years agoReply
    1 Like
    Absolutely fantastic! Easily the best thing I've ever read on here. There are some minor things that could be fixed, but it's still amazing! I can't wait to read more!
    plunder.
    plunder.
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    "When I get old," drawled Sorianne slowly, flicking her smile across the table, "I'm going to be richer than my daddy is now. And I don't care if I have to lie, or steal, or plunder my way through life...
    Mirlotta
    2 years ago
    Wow, that means loads! :O Which minor things do you think could be fixed though? :)
    Allison D
    2 years ago
    Everything everyone else has critiqued is true. I would just say the same as them
  • Allison D
    2 years agoReply
    I like it a lot. There are a few things that I don't like though. Number one is I feel like it's not finished which is disappointing. Number two is the fact that you called it head cancer. I feel like maybe you meant that she had a tumor in her brain? I don't think it's called head cancer. And if it is, it sounds a bit strange. And number three, your dialog doesn't sound very natural. I love what you're trying to do, but it's not how people actually speak.
    Red
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    This is a different kind of a little red riding hood story
    FurbyMonster
    2 years ago
    Thanks Allison I'll defiantly take your opinion in to consideration, I'll defiantly read it over again and make some changes in it; this chapter was done quickly and I didn't read it over quite good enough, but I'm glad you pointed out the head cancer, because you are right about how it sounds strange, and I'll change that right away, thank you for your honest comment and your thoughts.
  • Allison D
    2 years agoReply
    I like this concept a ton! Although I wish there was more! Also I wish there was a bit more description (especially of the house) to make it creepier. I also wish the narrator's thoughts were a bit less ramble-y. I think this could be an amazing short story with a little editing!
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    "All my life I have heard voices." When a man is 'drawn' to a cottage in the middle if nowhere what will happen? "It was something more sinister." A super short story of a man who hears voices and...
    死の天使
    2 years ago
    Thank you for your thoughts. I am actually editing it a lot and am obviously going to fix the typos when I do ��
    And I will be adding everything you have mentioned.
    I am also considering an update but I have a few ways it could go so I'm debating a lot ��
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