FemaleUnited KingdomMember since 14 May 15Age 20Last online 2 years ago

  • ABookLover2000
    OK, good story but how did Marie get injured and go to the hospital then have time to put different make up on that she obviously wouldn't wear normally? Did the ambulance stop at Superdrug on the way? And also, I doubt Marie would change her make up quickly to suit Noah when they had probably been dating for about half an hour. I'm sorry, but Marie is a S*** best friend. Actually Liz may be overreacting a little bit. She's just kissing a boy.

    Finally, you may want to work on your switches between present and past tense, as it makes the story confusing to read. For example, "Teachers try to stop me as I sprint past them" then goes to "I was fidgeting" and "'Marie!' I screamed as I burst through the door".

    Great story though.
    The Girl behind the book
    The Girl behind...
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    "His eyes flicker over the comments, and they grow angrier as he reads more and more. His knuckles go white as he clenches my phone. 'They...t-they do this t-to you?' I nod, silent and he closes his eyes....
    T.W.S Shadownightđź“–
    IM WRITING IM WRITING!
    THNKS FR TH MMRS
    2 years ago
    @[T.W.S Shadownight��] GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
    THNKS FR TH MMRS
    2 years ago
    @[T.W.S Shadownight��] *ahem*Good.
  • ABookLover2000
    1 Like
    I love this story. Amazing!
    Frozen Flame
    Frozen Flame
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    ©Molly Looby DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ FIRE AND ICE BECAUSE OF MASSIVE SPOILERS. YOU'VE BEEN PRE-WARNED . . . Also beware, there's bad language here! . . . After the events of that night, Skye and...
    Molly Looby
    2 years ago
    Thanks! Have you checked out 'Fire and Ice'? The events of this story happen after 'Fire and Ice'.
    Fire and Ice©Molly Looby / UNDER RE-WRITING. / The world of Shards and Flares is coming.
  • ABookLover2000
    1 Like
    Sorry, chapter 12: sweet rapper is spelt sweet wrapper with a w. Awesome story though.
    Frozen Flame
    Frozen Flame
    5
    2544
    10
    ©Molly Looby DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ FIRE AND ICE BECAUSE OF MASSIVE SPOILERS. YOU'VE BEEN PRE-WARNED . . . Also beware, there's bad language here! . . . After the events of that night, Skye and...
    Molly Looby
    2 years ago
    Aww damnit. Thanks for pointing it out and I'm glad you're enjoying it!
  • ABookLover2000
    Some grammar issues and also simple punctuation mistakes, but overall good writing.
    The Girl behind the book
    The Girl behind...
    17
    10.7k
    60
    "His eyes flicker over the comments, and they grow angrier as he reads more and more. His knuckles go white as he clenches my phone. 'They...t-they do this t-to you?' I nod, silent and he closes his eyes....
  • ABookLover2000
    Please write more. I'm dying to know what happens next....
    Powers
    Powers
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    A story set in the not-so-distant future, where global warming has taken over the world and everything has changed. Follow the story of Tor and Kris, a girl and a boy fresh from the horrors, and Kat and...
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