My Guide Out of Darkness

A lot of people, including myself, have experienced depression, anxiety, insecurity and so on. But I managed to change it for the better, so this story will include that plus my thoughts. It's written as kind of a letter/essay. I'll randomly change and mix between the two, but I hope it won't be too confusing.

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1. All alone - Chapter One

Dear R,

You told me something the last time I saw you. Something difficult. I had no good answer for you, and I'm sorry. I recently realised that i might have a way to help you. You see, I went through depression as well. It was only about 6 months ago, that I started getting better. The thing is, when you're depressed you usually feel lonely. Nobody understands this feeling thats raging inside of you. At least no one you know. I felt the same. None of my friends could ever understand this. I might've seemed happy, but it was all fake. I was terrified of what i was feeling. I always looked forward to the future, and had so many dreams. Then that feeling disappeared, I couldn't bring myself to care. Scary thing is, I was aware, but I couldn't change a thing. Why not? How can something completely disappear?? Besides that, I felt empty. As if I felt nothing, and yet...everything? It was overwhelming, but I also didn't feel anything. My guess is, a lot can relate to this. But to those who haven't experienced it, it might me unexplainable. It's not something you can possibly imagine, without experiencing. Like cutting. Another thing that often comes with fx depression. I know you do it. I did it too. My friends once talked about people cutting, being all like ''Why would you ever do that, it's so stupid, and it makes no sense, you're only making it worse''. Well, i disagree. Of course you shouldn't be cutting, but not because you shouldn't be cutting, but because you shouldn't be in a position where you need to. For me, cutting made sense. It worked. The overwhelming pain, and screams inside of me could temporarily be silenced as I did it. It was worth it. Now, I'm not telling you you should keep cutting, but...I get it. And I'd probably do it again, if the urge was there. Although to be honest, I wouldn't admit to just anyone that I used to cut myself. 

It's tough feeling alone. Feeling pathetic, like you're whining over nothing. At least that's what I thought people would say if I ever told them. But you're not. It's a mental issue, that you need to fix mentally. Cutting is a quick fix, but in the long run, it's no good. You NEED the permanent fix. And you NEED to know, that you're not alone. Even if you don't have anyone by your side in real life. You should know that there are so many people out there, going through something similar. Everything is individual, but you might relate to someone. Now, I've got to go. But I'll write you again soon. Hang in there

 

Love, your C

 

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Hey everyone, I'm hoping that this will eventually be helpful. And if you're having a difficult time, but haven't related to anything I've said yet. Stay tuned a bit? I'll be back with more. Please let me know if you liked this so far in the comments, or by liking the story. 

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