Letters To Myself

Book cover made by Movellas user Lily Anna!

*Completed standalone YA novel approx 57,000 words*

Winner of Nanowrimo 2017!

Seventeen year old Morwenna is struggling as a student in her school's sixth form. On top of that, she has to deal with a creepy house nearby with mysterious visions, her Mum expecting a baby and exploring privately her sexuality and identity. When things get rough at home, she decides to leave and start afresh but at what cost? Written in a mixture of diary entries/letters, poetry and prose, Letter To Myself tracks the life of a young girl over the course of a single year.

Only edited for spelling and grammar mistakes, plotline has not been edited. Suggested readership is 15+.

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16. 16.

Dear Myself,
I am a big sister again, she's finally made her welcome out into the big, wide world. It was a healthy, beautiful baby girl which looks so much like Dad. Mum is still in hospital being monitored by the nurses but I'm so glad that she and the baby are safe. Also, super surprised by how quickly the birth happened and the role I played in it which I will never forget for as long as I live. Diary, aren't you glad that I took a day off school (sort of played truant but really it was a heavy period) and ended up helping Mum out? In this letter, I will reveal everything that happened without trying to break down in emotional tears and staining the pages.

So, as I stated above, I woke up and my period had started (yay) and my muscles ached and struggling to eat any breakfast, my mind was made up. Classes were cancelled for me since having an accident during a lesson was the last thing I wanted to experience. Dad went out to see a client and Damien obviously was in class learning. Mum was quiet so me being me, I assumed that she was asleep and didn't want to be disturbed but then, I heard heavy breathing, a little moan and then a cry. My notebook on the side of the bed crashed to the floor as I raced out into the master bedroom. Mum was grabbing onto her stomach in discomfort, pockets of sweat dripping down her cheeks and into her t-shirt. I didn't need to think twice: The baby was well and truly about to arrive.

I raced back into my bedroom and grabbed my phone, texting Dad then Damien before tapping in the 999 number that we were all taught to call during a serious incident such as an injury or heart attack. My anxiety started to build up in waves as I yelled down the line my name, the name of my Mum, where we both were and what was going on. During the whole affair, the landline phone rang with Dad on the other end saying he was on his way. By this point Mum had whispered that she needed to push, the urge was getting stronger and stronger. I was going to have to deliver the baby myself despite not getting on well with the sight of blood. But in this case, I really couldn't let anyone down, especially the baby.

I dabbed at Mum’s forehead with a tissue and grabbed some water from the bathroom as from outside, the sound of approaching sirens kept my nerves on edge. Just as the door slammed, I held onto one of my Mum’s hands as she started to push. Despite not having been at prenatal classes, I copied her breathing technique which seemed to have a positive effect on both of us. Suddenly, she wasn't shaking as much, rather focused on the task at hand. The doorbell rang but I was too scared to let go of the hand to answer it. A few seconds later, Mum fidgeted, cried and then silence. Silence that you could drop a pin in the room and everyone in there would be able to hear it.

Then, a muffled cry, followed by a prolonged wailing came from the edge of the bedclothes. Here was the baby, mouth wide open and creating such a racket. I opened one of the bedroom windows, yelled out to the paramedics below that the baby had arrived and I was going to cut the cord. Mum looked physically drained as she lay back, eyes half open and not speaking as I grabbed a pair of scissors from her wardrobe and carefully freed the baby from the cord. Quickly telling her that it was a girl, she slumped back unconscious. This was serious and now life-threatening. Running downstairs to let the paramedics in and letting them know that Mum had fallen unwell. Dad brushed quickly past me and into the bedroom to see the new life now making her presence known.

By this time, my hands were shaking and the surroundings around me were spinning around like a Ferris wheel. For certain, I was going to faint and ended up flopping to the floor in a huddle. The moment I woke up was in my own bed and Damien was by my side staring down at my pale body. He had got my text message and one of his friend’s Mums had picked him up as soon as class finished. One of the paramedics had carried me up to my bed so that I could rest in peace I presumed. No-one else was around as I changed into something more comfortable to sleep in and opened my Facebook feed. Already the congratulations messages had started to flood in and after some investigating, it turned out one of my Aunts had posted a public status to announce the birth and that both of my parents were safe in hospital with the baby.

At around 11pm the same evening, the front door opened and tired Dad walked in and noticed me at the top of the stairs reading from a library book. He beckoned towards me which I went up towards him. Telling me how Mum and the baby was and also him mentioning that I acted maturely and responsibly into calling for an ambulance and looking after things. The praise I was getting was definitely something I wasn't used to. Now mentioning that I should get some sleep, I obeyed by climbing back into the warmth of my sheets. Thoughts wandered as usual as I tried to get comfortable and fall into a safe and peaceful slumber. Even though a job as a midwife wasn't on my agenda or future plans, I started to have visions of me holding newborn babies in my arms and singing some random lullabies to keep them calm.

I made it to the end of this letter without much trouble but Diary, think of me this upcoming week as my A-Level exams are finally here. The anxiety will be back to high and new levels as my grades will finally be decided. Let's try not to write part of my novel down on the answer papers by accident!

See you soon.

Yours,
Morwenna.

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