Confessions of a Private School Girl Entering the Real World

A diary of a private school girl's first year in the real world with real people. It's a wreck, let me just say that now, a complete and utter mess.

Contains sex, love, drugs and all things in between. Warning some people may get triggered.

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13. 31st July 2018

The weekend was interesting. Hunter went out Friday night and got so drunk and kept sending me stuff about how I am his world and how I mean so much to him and he doesn't want to fuck things up which is great and all expect I am not on his level and I am still really fucked up over B and what happened with him.

 

A massive fight happened between Norma and I because her friend Rose had an STI and Rose dated Tyler, Hunter's best friend and I told Hunter to tell him to get tested but that he didn't hear it from me and he wasn't to talk to any of his exs about it, because Rose was never going to tell him and I thought that was gross and unfair. Anyway Tyler and Hunter bumped into Rose for the first time in months, Hunter and their friend Mason (who was also there) have both hooked up with Rose... how awkward. Well drunk them all decided to have a chat with Rose about her STI test so obviously Norma and I get upset messages from her over it, I sorted it out with Rose but Norma wanted to make the problem about her and went off at me, swearing and all which she never does. She was supposed to hold like our 'pres' for the club that night but obviously that wasn't happening. I wasn't actually rude to her because I was way too tired to be but she claimed I was so rude and nasty. Anyway she blocked me on Facebook messenger so I couldn't say anything else, so I messaged her on snapchat and was basically like if you think I did that to be malicious towards Rose then clearly you don't know me. The argument was finished at 3:45am when I was coming back home from the club... she was so rude and nasty and just kept swearing at me and trying to get a rise out of me even calling me a drunk when I was just tired (I was pretty much completely sober by this time) because it was almost 4am. She was horrible and told me to leave her alone and I was like yea sure okay like???? So we aren't friends anymore. 

 

So Saturday night, Hugo, Hunter and our friend Jason came to mine and Hunter wasn't supposed to come out he just wanted to see me but he ended up coming because my mom asked if I was going to be seeing 'That silly boy' referring to B so Hunter was like yea okay if he's going to be there I am coming. So anyway we went to the club that was supposed to be free entry but they made us wait so long they didn't give us free entry and I was very angry.  Babydoll was there and so was Ashley and our friend Cole, Cole is literally so gorgeous, inside and out, he has the most beautiful soul and I hope that in the end, I end up with him. Cole came because I asked him to, like what an angel. He was so good to be around oh my gosh. I used to have the biggest crush on him, before B and I wish that I never stopped. All my old school friends were there and it was fun. Babydoll and I even pecked a couple times because why not?? So funny, drunkness... but anyway I decided that tonight would be the night in which Hunter and I kissed, it was tonight or it was never. Hugo was hell pushing me too as well like saying like 'play with his hair!!' we finally ended up hooking up but I had to make the move and we did it a few times but it was weird like it was very forced, it wasn't natural... not like with B... I just didn't like it. When I went to the bathroom though I found out from Hugo and Jason that he told his friends he just met me that night and I was just a hookup... but finding this out I was relieved not mad, which I think speaks volumes. 

 

I also decided tonight would be the night that I met Justin because dam I want to use his house for pres. So I was messaging him when I saw B, we both looked turned away and then looked back at each other and smiled, it was a pure moment, but it was a fleeting moment. Justin and him were messaging me to come see them and when I was walking back into the club after trying to find Ashley, B grabbed me and pulled me into him away from Hunter, Justin was with him. They asked who Hunter was and B asked if I wanted him to hookup with me in front of him and I said no he pulled me and we went to sit down, Hunter went to find Ash and at this point I felt so ill. Justin grabbed me and helped me sit down because I was so ill, B was with two other girls. Justin and I were talking and then he put his hand on the small of my back like ?????? Then the girls left and B took my hand and pulled me into him, it was where I wanted to be, he then started kissing me and we hooked up while Justin was still there. Justin ended up leaving and B and I keep kissing.. then he stops and I say that Justin is nice and he goes,

 

'You know he was trying to get in with you?'

 

I just played dumb so he says.

 

'You should do it, you know I don't care like I don't. Do it if he comes back.'

 

I was so hurt like ouch so I said fucking fine I will bitch like I am not going to let him see that that hurts me. So he texted him to come back??? Justin comes back and I am thinking Oh hell no. Before the words I am trying to say even get out my mouth, Justin is kissing me, like full making out. B took a photo and posted it on his snap story like fuck. I then stopped and was like okay well I am going and B pulled me back and kissed me again (like full makeout)like how fucked is that????? My friend is convinced they are going to try persuade me into a threesome but like hell no sorry CYA. So yea I kissed one person and hooked up with three that night.

 

Anyway Hunter was so mad by the mere fact I even spoke to my ex, he was so jealous. Took us ages to sort it out actually. Ashley stirred up trouble which I only found out today she told him embellished stories of B and I and how I see him all the time. I am emotionally so confused.

 

I saw Hunter the Sunday too because he had to come back to mine and get his stuff... he was literally just third wheeling with Hugo and I the entire time and it was just so weird between us. I also just really didn't want to see him and I really didn't want to be touched. We barely spoke on the bus back to mine, it was weird. He came back and hung out at mine for a bit, it was weird and I hated it. He hugged me goodbye when he left and I was glad to see him leave. I think I just need a break from all the boys like it is so draining and tiring.

 

Today I saw Cole at uni and he was like can't believe you got with those two you could do soooo much better, you can do soooo much better. He literally is such an angel. Hunter messaged me about what Ashley had said, and I just cried so much and I did the immoral thing and I did not confirm but I did not deny. I hate myself so much because I am so confused at what or who I want and my feelings and it isn't fair to him like I should just make up my mind already. I tried to end things with him tonight but he called me and made me cry (not in a shit way) and said that he knows I am not ready to be serious and that's okay, he just doesn't want me to tell him to leave me alone. He is too very beautiful and he for sure deserves so much better than me. Tonight has been so overwhelming because that happened but then I also found out that B is trying to date someone else and that hurt so much I was in tears, in fact typing this makes me want to cry. He hurt me so much and now he is just moving on??? Like what the fuck you told me you weren't ready and now you getting with someone else. I hate him so much. Justin also upset me because I am supposed to catch up with him today and he asked 'Do you still want to get a room?' Like since when was that what we were doing? I feel like so many expectations come from that, ones I am not ready to do and I do not want to do. So either we meet in public on friend terms or we don't at all. I am just mad I feel used and abused but it is my own fault. I am sad and confused.

 

 

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