Confessions of a Private School Girl Entering the Real World

A diary of a private school girl's first year in the real world with real people. It's a wreck, let me just say that now, a complete and utter mess.

Contains sex, love, drugs and all things in between. Warning some people may get triggered.

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12. 28th July 2018

How is it that I am surrounded by so many people, I have never had this many people in my life at once... yet I feel so alone and so isolated like I am unable to connect with anyone. How does one person drain your energy that much, how do they transfer their issues and burdens onto you?

 

I realize very much so that I have no idea what I am doing. I am hurting and I am cold and I just want familiarity but everything tastes different, bittersweet. I wish I could just runaway, run far away, get on a plane and never come back. I want adventures, I don't want to do this same tiresome shit over and over again.

 

Right now as I write this.. Hunter, Tyler, Tyler's ex and B are all in the same place at once and it is just emotionally draining and I don't even get it. I am just so confused and I don't know what or who I want. The snaps B posts upsets me and Hunter is ignoring me. I just need to cut them all off, every single one of them.

 

I took the pregnancy test today and it came back as negative. It is silly but although relieved I was a little sad, like I had to mourn the non-existence of something that never really existed. Told B, he just said 'thank youuuu' like okay then? I hate him so much.

 

I am so confused.

 

The song Sugarcoat - Jaira Burns literally describes my entire relationship with B, just replace drinking with drugs and the song is about him.

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