We have all got secrets

Rebecca has been an orphan her entire life. When she reaches the age of 18, she has to leave the orphanage as she has become too old to stay. After living on the street for a few years, Rebecca finally gathers up the courage to look through her personal file in hope of finding her birth parents. Isn’t that what every orphan wants? At least that’s what Rebecca wants.

Family life isn't as easy as Rebecca originally thought. Her parents neglecting her, secrets, love and horrible things happen along the way to success.

*A One Direction love story*
*A Selena Gomez twin story*

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1. New Family

I’m walking through the park as I tug the bag over my shoulder. I have my money in my wallet and all my clothes in the small, old, and tattered bag. It’s not a lot, just the basics I need to be properly dressed. I have my personal file from the orphanage in my hands. I didn’t steal it, it was given to me when I turned 18. You can call it a birthday present. 

I stop walking and take a seat on one of the benches in the park I’ve chosen as my preferred location. I look at the file laying on my lap. From the outside it’s quite ordinary, but I have a feeling that the inside tells an entirely different story. I’ve had it for a few years now and I’ve been too afraid of the content to actually open it. However, for some reason I deem today to be the day I’m finally going to take that next step forward, though I’m not sure if I’m even ready. 

With a deep, shaky breath I open the small file. The first thing I see it my first name. The surname is what throws me off. Gomez? I think to myself. I’m sure that I’ve heard of before, I just can’t put my finger on it. At the orphanage, I didn’t have a surname. The nurses and caretakers, of course, knew of our “real” identities or whatever, but they weren’t allowed to tell any of us anything about it before we turn the legal age of 18.

Next to my full name stands my birthday; ‘born in Texas on July 22nd, 1992’. My eyes scan briefly over the non-important information; things I already know about myself, until they come to a full stop at the sight of my birthparents names. I get the weirdest feeling in my stomach at the sight of the two otherwise meaningless names because I believe somewhere deep in my heart that they may actually still want me. Why else would they have made it possible for me to seek them out? Some of the children in the orphanage will never know their true lineage because their parents are anonymous. I consider myself lucky as I read the names over and over again with a big grin on my face; ‘Ricardo Joel Gomez’ and ‘Amanda Dawn Cornett’. What leaves me even more awestruck is the fact that I have their actual address as of 1992, which is here in the Grand Prairie where I am now. Hopefully, they still live there. The mere sight of the address, which isn’t long from my current spot, is almost enough to make me leave but I continue reading instead, wanting to know everything possible about my family. I reach a small section labelled ‘siblings’ and find six simply words: ‘Rebecca Gomez has a twin sister.’ Those words are enough to wipe the smile of my face and replace it with a deep frown and a sinking feeling. I wonder if they still have her or if they gave her away too… I decide not to think too much into it right now and stand up from the bench. I know exactly where they live as I’ve memorized a big part of Grand Prairie, and that part is home to Ricardo Joel Gomez and Amanda Dawn Cornett. 

After a thirty minute walk I walk down the correct street and look at the house numbers as I pass. 23… 25… 27… I stop outside of number 29 and take in the property. It’s not much, it’s smaller than some of the other houses, but it still holds the prestige and standards for this particular areal. I walk up to the front door, and when I’m about to knock on the door I hesitate. As I mentioned earlier, I’m not sure if I’m even ready for this. What if I get rejected by the door? What if they don’t live here anymore? I was too occupied with my own thoughts that I forgot to read the mailbox. More times than not are the residence written on the mailbox. Before I know what I’m doing, my hand knocks on the dark, polished wooden door. I start to panic and get the urge to run and hide. I turn around and get ready to run, when the front door opens behind me. I freeze mid-step and stand there until the person that opened the door starts talking. 

“Can I help you?” My breath hitches as I take in the strangers surprisingly familiar voice. I know I’ve heard it before, but as always I can’t put my finger in where. However, I hear the doubt and even slight disgust in her voice and swallows the lump in my throat. Surely she has taken in my poor appearance - even if she is only seeing me from behind. I would be disgusted too if I was her so I’m not surprised. I haven’t been able to shower, clean myself up or change my clothes for about a week now. Even if I’m not looking at her, I just know what kind of facial expression she’s sporting right now - I’ve seen it so many times on so many different faces on several occasions. However, it’s not always for the same reasons. 

“Are you lost? Do you need anything?” I can tell that she’s getting impatient with me as I just stand there like a deer caught in headlights, my hair working as a curtain between us. I slowly turn around and keep my head down. I look at the black socks on her feet and slowly let my vision travel upwards. I’m surprised to see her in a pajamas as it can’t be more than 2 or 3 pm, but what do I know? I don’t have a watch or a phone. At last I reach her face and I’m met with a set of irritated brown eyes and long brown hair. She has a frown on her face and furrowed eyebrows. I know I had heard that voice before, I’m such an idiot. What was my surname again? No… It can’t be-

I mirror her expression as it fills with surprise and disbelief. My jaw almost hits the ground and I realized who I’m standing in front of. 

“Selena, who’s at the door?” A woman’s voice ring from somewhere in the house and it seems to snap the girl out of her trance. A pretty lady no older than late-thirties walks up behind Selena and follows her daughter’s gaze with a confused look of her own. When she sees me, however, something flashes in her eyes. 

“Mom?” Selena ask her mother. Her mother blinks and looks at Selena. 

“Yes, dear?” 

“Who’s she?” She asks and looks back at me. I still haven’t said anything, and I look away as her gaze falls upon me once again, feeling self-conscience. Everything about her just radiates beauty and power. It’s rather intimidating to me. Now that I know who she is, her tone from earlier hurts even more and leaves me at a whole new level or insecure. I just want to ground to swallow me up. 

“Why don’t you ask her?” My head snaps up and I stare at them with widen eyes. It’s the first time I show them my full face and Selena’s eyes widen as well as her mother’s, and that look in the mother’s eyes from earlier returns. However, it’s gone before I can figure out what it is. 

“Who are you?” Selena asks in disbelief and confusion. For a moment I don’t know what to answer. I mean, who am I? I’m not even sure myself. 

“I-I… M-My name i-s Re-Rebecca,” I stutter and struggles to breath correctly. I hesitate - should I say my last name too? I take a deep breath, “Rebecca G-Gomez.” Had it not been for the current circumstances I would have laughed at the looks on their faces, especially Selena’s face. Her mother’s wasn’t so bad. She doesn’t look nearly as surprised as she probably should be. 

“I-I’m sorry t-to disturb b-but I have s-some p-p-papers that tells me tha-that my p-parents have lived h-here.” It sounds pathetic even to me. 

“What are your parents’ names?” Selena asks with her arms crossed over her chest. Her mother suddenly looks slight uncomfortable, like she knows what I’m going to answer. 

“A-Amanda and-and Ricardo,” I answer a little above a whisper. I know of Selena’s family and her parents. I know that the names I just mentioned and have written in my file is the names of her own birthparents. Selena is my role-model after all, has been since Barney & Friends. I know her parents are divorced and that she lives with her mother and so on and so forth. 

“Mom? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Amanda look highly uncomfortable under the intense glare from her daughter. She sighed. 

"Selena, honey, please go into the living room. Rebecca, come," Amanda says while waving me in. 

I follow Selena’s mother and as we enter the living room, I sit on the couch beside Selena and opposite of her mother.

"Now, will you, please, explain to me what the hell is going on here?" Selena gives her mother a look and moves her finger between the two of us. Amanda take a deep breath before launching herself into the story. 

"When I was sixteen I gave birth to two little girls. It was love at first sight, but I was only sixteen, I wasn't near old enough to raise a baby on my own, especially not two! Your father and I weren't actually together at the time – it was complicated. But the thing is, I knew I had to give away one of them so I decided to give the first born away and that was you Rebecca.” Amanda looks at me with small tears in her eyes. I look away so I don’t start crying myself. I know I’m not good enough, but hearing it from my own mother hurts way more than hearing it from some stranger on the street.

“The guilt grew bigger and bigger over the years and I couldn't take it for much longer. But I knew I couldn't get you back. I have received pictures of you through the years and rapports about your life so I could "be a part of your life" even if I wasn't. I really hope you can forgive me." She is begging, crying and pleading and I can see the guilt in her eyes. I think about it. 

If I forgive her, I will get the family I have always dreamed of. I could finally get the feeling of belonging that I've wanted for so long, but it will also be harder to keep my secret. I choose to nod at her anyways, and I send her my best, fake smile. 

"I forgive you." Amanda grins at me and gives me a big hug. I just awkwardly sit there and gently pat her shoulder.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I hear Selena say beside me. I almost forgot she was there. Amanda lets go of me and looks at her other daughter. "So, I have another sister - a twin sister?" She says with a straight face. Amanda’s smile fades and she looks at the floor, nodding. Another sister? Do I have another sister?

Selena jumps up, squealing. "Oh, My God! That’s amazing!" She screams and hugs me. I chuckle a little and let her hug me. 

For the first time ever I have a place I belong, a place I can call home, and a smile that’s real. 

 

After Selena’s little happy dance around the living room I take a seat beside her on the couch. I don't think I've ever laughed that much in my entire life. I really wish I was able to smile like this every day.

I look at Amanda - or can I call her mom? - and smile, again.

"So, Rebecca, where do you live?" My mother asks, smiling at me. My smile fades and I look at my lap, at my dirty fingers and feel tears form in my eyes. If I tell them the truth, I just know that they will look at me differently just like everyone else do when they see me. Everyone looks at me like I’m a freak and a disgrace to America and at some part I will agree with them, but the rest of the times I will simply state the fact that I have no other choice. Before remembering the file after almost three years, I had no family, no friends and no money. I take a deep breath but doesn’t look up as I speak. They're my family, so I guess they deserve to know.

"I lived in an orphanage for 18 years before I couldn’t live there anymore. I was too old. I didn't have much money so at first I worked at the orphanage, you know, taking care of the smaller children and such. But when the orphanage closed I didn't have anywhere else to go, and I had no money. So, I was forced to live on the streets because I didn’t have any family," I feel the tears in my eyes cascade down my cheeks as I continue. "So, to get money I went to the bars and-and,” I stop talking for a moment because I’m crying too much. I sob into my hands. I don't want to think about the horrible memories, especially not talk about them. I guess they understand, because Selena hugs me tightly while telling me everything is going to be okay. I scoff and stand up from the couch,  "That's the thing Selena, everything is not going to be okay! You don't know what people in the city is calling me, the most nasty, horrible things I've ever heard! I'm sorry I-I have to go," I stutter, but Selena grabs my arm before I can take off.

"Can I talk to you in my room?" Selena asks softly as she looks into my eyes with such caring I couldn't do anything else but nod. We walk up the stairs and into an amazing room.

It has turquoise walls, a white carpet floor, a queen sized bed in the middle of the room, and two doors on the right to what I’m guessing is a walk-in closet and a bathroom. The walls are clad with various posters of different artists she likes and ordinary pictures of herself with her friends. 

Selena tried different things to get me to speak to her but there's really nothing to talk about.

"Becca, please talk to me!" Becca.That one’s new. I've never had a nickname before. I smile on the inside.                 

"Selena, there's really nothing to talk about. As you said earlier: everything is going to be fine and you know what, everything is fine. I'm fine! Selena, you don't know me, I don't just open up to people I don't know. It was so hard just telling you guys about this. No one knows except you," I admit half sternly, half crying. I know I shouldn't be so rude to her, because I want a sister – I want a friend, but I can’t open up to just anyone. 

Selena just nods and walks out of her own room. I'm almost 100% sure I saw her wiping a tear away, and the guilt in my chest grows bigger. If I don't do anything about this, I'm going to go insane. 

Guilt from other things are there too, but this with Selena is the biggest, yet. Even though I don't know her as a person, only as a famous actor and singer, I still care about her. She’s my little sister – my twin –  we have this special bond together. It’s almost like I can feel her emotions and right now she seems so heartbroken. I'm sure there are other things bucking her, - isn’t there always? - but what I said surely didn't do anything better.

I’m cut off from my thoughts when there’s a knock on the door. It opens and Selena pokes her head in. I immediately jump off the bed and walk towards her.

"I'm sorry Selena, I shouldn't have said that," I say while looking down at the white carpet floor, ashamed. 

"No Becca, no need to apologies. If anything, it should be me," Selena say, looking down at the floor as I look up at her. But none of this is her fault?

"What do you say about start over?" I ask, making her look up at me. I give her a small smile, and she smile back as she shakes my outstretched hand. 

"Sounds great." We look at each other and it’s like all my worries vanishes for a moment. 

 

After I finally got to shower, and I’ve borrowed some of Selena’s clothes, we sit opposite each other on her bed.

"Now, I want to get to know you to see if we share anything other than just looks," Selena says, winking at me. Getting to know her sound amazing, but what if she founds out I'm a huge fan of hers? It’ll be so embarrassing. We start out by asking each other questions. 

"Favorite color?" Selena asks. 

"Blue!" I reply. Turns out it’s hers too. "Favorite singer?" I ask her before realizing I’m bringing it upon myself. Aw, man! I groan inwardly. 

"Demi Lovato. She's such a sweet girl! So strong. Yours?" Selena reply, choosing her best friend. "Um – I… it's – um… it's you," I reply in a shy voice, looking at my clean fingers in my lap. Selena doesn’t say anything so I look up at her. I see tears in her eyes but her perfect smile is still on her lips. Why does she has to be so pretty? 

"Aw, I'm your favorite singer? Why?" She asks, looking at me with curiosity. 

Should I tell her why? I mean, I have to lie to her a little as to why she's my role model, but I guess I can tell her.

"Um, it's because you're my-my role-model. I-I’ve always wanted to be like you. I still do. I-I want to be able to do the things y-you do; to help others; to g-give something to people who ac-actually n-need it. And as y-you can do exactly that, y-you are the person I look up to the most. Even though I'm older than you," I add jokingly and sniff, "Oh, my gosh I'm such a cry baby!" I exclaim, laughing a little as I begin to cry for, like, the fourth time today. I always stutter when I’m nervous or crying. 

"It’s okay to cry Becca. You made me cry. It's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me! And you're only older than me by like five minutes or whatever," Selena adds, laughing as she wipes under her eyes. We both laugh and cry as we embrace each other in a long, warm, and sisterly hug.

 

After three hours of talking we figure out we have a lot in common. Favorite color, animal, day of the week, and we both wear contacts instead of glasses. We have the same taste in music, makeup, clothing, and much, much more. As we continue our conversation Selena's phone starts to ring. She takes one look at the caller-ID and smile big. 

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," she says, answering the phone call and putting her phone up her ear.

Throughout her conversation, I zoom out, and I don’t really focus on anything but the giant smile on her face. 

What is making her so happy? Who is on the phone? Will I ever be as happy? 

I have to admit: most of the smiles I’ve shared with Selena aren’t real. They’re all just as fake as I am, but I don't think she has noticed it. 

I’m so deep into my thoughts that I don’t realize Selena has gotten off the phone, or that she’s trying to get my attention. 

"Becca? Hallo? Rebecca!" She shouts, awaking me from my horrible thoughts. I look at her, confused as to what she wants, "There is someone I want you to meet! They will be here any minute!" She adds, excited. 

The doorbell rings a few minutes later and Selena flies off of the bed. She grabs a hold on my arm on the way and forces me to come with her. We run down the stairs and she lets go of my arm, walking towards the door. However, just as she approaches the door she gets an idea.

"What if you open the door acting like you are me? It would be great for you now that I know you want to become an actress," she says, really excited about her plan. I just shrug at her idea as the doorbell rings again. I reach to open the door and my fake smile fades just a little. 

Oh, my gosh, what in the love of god is she doing here?

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