Beneath the Surface

We are swimming on the face of time and all else has drowned, is drowning, or will drown. - Henry Miller

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3. III

Absolute silence leads to sadness. It is the image of death. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
 

Words. The very thing that can simply save a person but kill another. We use words to communicate our feelings and thoughts. One must be careful of what they say or it can be detrimental. Sometimes words aren't even enough and you have to let the silence do the talking. 

it's been twenty minutes since my 'episode' and i am calmer than before. A bit too calm. Like nothing ever happened, and it is strange. My head still is throbbing. I get up to take some tylenol from down stairs. Rummaging through the cabinets for the small bottle, i cannot seem to find it. "Looking for something?" a voice speaks startling me. I turn to see my dad leaning against the door fram of the kitchen. "Tylenol." i mumble as i turn back to continue my search. He walks over to the draw on the right of me and pulls exactly what i need out. He tosses it my way and starts to speak up," Dario called and told me what happened, are you okay?" Rolling my eyes i nod. "Yea im fine" i add as i try to grab the water from the fridge but he blocks the door. "Mijo, look at me." he says with a look of concern on his face. I glance up at him and he sighs, " You hit your head hard, and he told me you were passed out and vomiting on the beach before the game. That's not like you Emiliano. What's going on?" He says as he reaches out to touch my shoulder but i quickly yank away from his touch.

"Maybe if you were around you'd know." i mutter under my breath. "What did you say?" he says confused. "I said I'm fine dad. You can stop pretending to care." i snap as i finally am able to grab the water from the fridge. He stands astonished and sighs deeply again and takes a long pause before speaking. 
 

"Escucha, me importas mucho siempre lo has hecho . Todo lo que hago es por ti. Ahora dime que esta pasando?" (Listen, i care deeply for you, always have and always will. Everything I do is for you. Now tell me what is going on?)

" Nada, estoy bien padre, hoy solo fue una dia dificil." (nothing i am okay dad, it was just a rough day) i say as i take the tylenol.

"Emiliano, te amo" he adds. I nod and start to head up the stairs. Don't get me wrong i love him as well but nothing enrages me more when he decides that now he wants to intervene and 'care'.

Laying out on the bed, i prepare to sleep. I am beyond exhausted from today's events. I can feel sleep begin to take over.

                                                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun rises and the light rays spill into my room, awaking me from my sleep. I still have a killer headache though. Grabbing my phone I check my notifications. One text from Dario asking if i am alright and another from Alec stating to call him asap. immediately dialing his number, i sit and wait for his answer. Moments later he picks up. " Emiliano! Hey man!" he says cheerfully. "Hey brother." I respond not much in the mood. "Dad told me what happened yesterday, Are you okay?" he says with his voice full of concern. Rolling my eyes at his words.

"Yes i am fine.. Is that all?" I respond annoyed. " Bullshit, that's not you Emilio. You don't just pass out on the beach and you don't get distracted during games. Que paso?" Alec questions me. Why must everyone question me further. "Look, i went cliff diving, and--" "Hold up you went cliff diving willingly? What are you insane?" He says cutting me off. "Alec it's really not that bad, i just wanted to try it, it's not that serious. " I defend myself. I can hear Alec sigh in the background at my words. "How can you be so careless? This is not you. You would never do something that stupid hours before a game. " He scolds me. Growing annoyed and angry at him I yell," It's not careless, i knew what i was doing and it was fun. I needed to live a little anyway. "

At this point Alec grows angrier at my responses. " Emilio, you act so childish. Don't do something that dumb again you hear me? We all care deeply about you, you could've hurt yourself and ruin your money makers. " He says. And there it is, the instinct to play the parent role comes out in Alec. That's what he does, tries to take care of me. Refusing to argue more i just agree and move on. After our phone call, i get dressed to leave. Saying goodbye to my dad, i head out. I pull out the driveway and start the drive down to the Coffee shop.

Pulling into the coffee shop, I spray my cologne on, you know just in case. Heading inside, i look around to spot her, but to no avail, she's nowhere to be seen. The tall blond from before however is there. I order my same order from last time and go take seat. Pulling out my phone i make out a text to Dario.

To Dario:

Hey man i'm good. Next time lets not tell the whole world what happened.

-E

Moments later i get a text back.

To Emiliano:

The whole world saw mi cariño.

-Dario

After reading his message i immediately roll my eyes at his pet name. Dario's always been that way though, just friendly love, that's all. Swiping down twitter, i grow bored. "Emilio?" familiar voice rings throughout my ears. Instantly recognizing the voice i look up. There she is, standing across the room. "Oh, Kadence, Hi" i say nervously. She must not be working, she's not in uniform. She walks over to where i sit, and seats herself next to me. She smiles politely then her face changes to a serious one. "How are you feeling? Are you okay?" She speaks in hushed but caring tone. I clench my jaw, i hate it when others ask that repeatedly however, knowing she causes no harm by it i nod and say" Yeah i'm good, i feel better." She lights up immediately at my response. "I was worried about you..You were hit pretty hard. " She says as she looks at me with full concern. 

I feel a blush creep onto my face as she speaks. "Thank you, and it wasn't that hard." i say trying to play off the hurt. In reality it really did hurt. She rolls her eyes at my attempt to act like it didn't hurt. "Oh Emilio, can you ever admit when you're hurt." She half laughs as she speaks. She's right though. I probably never could admit it, to her or anyone. That's just the way it was. I feel like if people knew how i felt, they'd use it against me.  I would feel open and vulnerable. Never one must know how i truly felt. "Emilio?"She interrupts my thoughts. Forgetting i never responded i quickly mutter an apology. I half heartedly laughed and try to play it off. "So how've you been " She says while staring deep into my eyes. She is trying to read me. That's what she tries to do. She thinks she can figure me out if she just looks at me. Partially that is true. I was whipped. Looking at her makes me feel so many different things. I trust her and i know she trusts me. "I'm you know, me. Nothing new. What about you?" I lie through my teeth. She's missed a lot, I couldn't trouble her with all of it though. However she sees straight through me and gives me the 'look', but ignores it.

"I am good as well, thanks for asking" she says as she smiles from ear to ear. God, i just can't help it, she is so stunning and it just completely amazes me that she is so unaware of it. "Sorry for the wait sir, here is your order." The tall blond interrupts as she hands me my tea and scone. "Hey Claire" Kadence says. They exchange quick hellos and i take the time to admire her again. She catches me staring and repeats her taunting words from before. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." So i do. I pull out my phone and take a quick photo. She laughs and scolds me "Hey i wasn't prepared no fair. " she pouts. I laugh at her childish attempt. "Let's take a picture then." I offer, hoping she agrees. She laughs again and boy does it sound like music to my ears. She slides over closer to me as i snap a picture of us. "Send that to me" She says as she types her number out into my phone. I feel like a little child when their crush says they like them back. She brings that kind of happiness.

We sat and talked as we ate my scone. It feels absolutely amazing talking to her again. I grew sad when she had to leave though. I escort her out to what looks like her moms car. I bid my goodbye and watch her drive away. Prancing around like a young child, i finally hop into my car to head home. A big smile is plastered upon myself and i can't help but continue to smile. We fell off after we broke up, and i would've never thought she'd even want to talk to me ever again.

Pulling into my house, i rush up the stairs and throw myself into bed. I pull out my phone and finally send her the picture. I can feel body start to get anxious and nervous as i wait for her response. You still got it bad shake my head. Rolling my eyes at myself, i still await her text. I get up and turn on some music to ease myself. Minutes past and still no text. I start to grow more anxious and can feel myself doubting her response. Rummaging through my drawers, I grab my shorts. Quickly changing into them i start to head out to the beach. I set my towel and phone out on the sand and walk down to the shoreline. The water reaches my toes and sends shivers through me. Flinching at the cold contact, I slowly advance deeper into the ocean. It is nice out, the seagulls are chirping and there's enough sunlight out to warm the rest of me not covered in water. I take my board further out and start to paddle to the nearest wave. Catching the next biggest wave i stand up and start to tube ride. It's crucial to keep balance while doing this. At any moment you could easily be swallowed by the wave practically.

Finishing off the wave with an Aerial, I stumble as the excruciating pain in my head intensifies. I fall off the board and I plunge under the wave. Beneath the surface, my head feels as if it were going to explode, if I spend anymore time under I know for a fact I will pass out. Grabbing my board, I pull up to the surface for air. My vision goes a bit blurry, but I am able to make way for the shore. Approaching the shore, I layout on my towel and try to catch my breath. The sun is beaming down on my back providing some warmth to my cold body. Laying on my back i reach over to my phone. My heart flutters when I see she replied back minutes ago.

To: Emilio

:) Thank you, it was nice seeing to you today. I am glad you're okay after yesterday.

- Kadence

I blush at her text and quickly text her one back.

To: Kadence

It felt good to see you today as well. I missed talking to you. He estado pensando en ti ❤️

- Emilio

My fingers hover over the send button as i contemplate on really sending it. Closing my eyes i push send and throw my phone a foot away from me. I basically just shot my shot and if she rejects it, I literally can never show my face around her again. Not to even b dramatic, i really don't think i'd even be able to look at her. Hearing my phone chime i immediately run over to grab it. I can feel the blush creep onto my face as I read her response.

To: Emilio

You know I don't speak much spanish but como se dice, When can i see you again? 😊

-Kadence

At this point I am smiling ear to ear. I dial her number and press call.I feel the nerves creep up inside of me as i wait for her to answer. On the fourth ring she picks up.

"Hello" she says in a hushed tone. "¿Cuándo te vuelvo a ver? is how you say it. " i speak into the phone. I hear her chuckle in the background as she attempts to say it. Laughing at her attempts i give up. "Anytime you want. I'm always free," I say as I walk the shoreline. "What about later tonight? There's this bonfire i was going to go to. I mean we don't have to go if you don't want--" "I'd love to." i say cutting her off as she stutters the rest of her sentence. My chest pain grows deeper but i cannot help to only think it's only the butterflies. I'd never even imagine I'd be doing this. "I can pick you up, if you'd like?" I offer as I head back into the house. She accepts my offer and thanks me.

"Okay, i will see you at 6 Emilio. " she gushed. Bidding our goodbyes, She hangs up.

I look over at the time and it's only 3. I have three hours to prepare. i run upstairs to look for a outfit.Going through my drawer, i pull out navy blue shorts and set them alongside my bed. Looking through the closet i decide on a white button up. Nothing too fancy for a bonfire. I don't want to over due it, I mean who would dress up all fancy for a beach bonfire? My phone chimes, signifying i have a text. Peering over at it, it's from Dario. 

To: Emiliano

Hey man are you up to kick it tonight?

- D

Immediately i sigh, and type out my response. 

To: Dario

Sorry man, i have something else going on tonight. Another time? 

-E

I avoid telling Dario what my true plans are because I know what exactly he'll say. He'll clown on me for still being hungover on her after i broke up with her. He has a point, but Kadence, she's different. Something about her makes me feel better about nearly everything. She's been there for me and she would keep me company in times of need. Dario wouldn't understand that though. He view her as just someone I slept with. It's not that he didn't like her, he just didn't see what i saw. 

My stomach grumbles with hunger. I guess I should eat something. I head down stairs and into the kitchen. I am greeted with the Adelia, the house helper,"Hola ! ¿Tiene usted hambre, Emilio?" she asked. "Si tengo hambre. " i respond grinning at her. She offers to run to the store but for me, but i decline. I don't want to bother her with that, instead I offer. She tries to convince me that it's not trouble if she goes but I refuse to let her go. I tell her I was going to head out anyway. We finally compromise and she creates a short list for me. Thanking her, I start to head out. 

I drive down to the closest walmart, It's only 4 so that still gives me time. I walk inside the store and start through my list. I walk through the produce section picking out Apples, Strawberries and Oranges. Looking for Bananas, i stop to grab some pineapples as well. After retrieving both i walk down to the Meat section. I pick up some Carne asada and packets of ground beef. Next i grab for the bacon and sausage. The list is short so I casually add more to it, then what is needed. 

Finishing up the list, I head down the frozen isle and grab pizza rolls. Pizza rolls have always been my favorite as a little kid. See when my parents were gone all the time, Adelia would offer to make dinners but i would always refuse and she would resort to Pizza rolls. Knowing my Dad probably won't be home for dinner most of this week, I also grab frozen pizzas. After i pick up the last item on the list, I head down to the checkout. 

I put my groceries up on the conveyor belt and the employee starts to scan away. Waiting for him to finish, I pull out my Debit Card. "Your total today sir is $132.58." He says as i start to swipe the card. Mumbling a small thank you I take my receipt and head out the store with my cart. I start to put all of my groceries in my trunk when my phone starts to rings, indicating an incoming call. I let it ring in my back pocket as i finish putting the groceries away. I hop back into the front seat and pull it out. 

(1) Missed call from Dario

I'll just call him later, i think to myself. I start my engine and start the 20 minute drive home. There is always such big traffic in California. It gets quite annoying. Glancing over at the clock, it reads 5:05. i head into my driveway, Adelia and Chad help bring in the groceries. Those two have always been such a big help. It's actually quite funny because Chad has this big crush on Adelia but he doesn't know if she feels the same. i've tried playing match maker but he insists on me not meddling in. 

After loading all the Groceries, Adelia start to make my favorite pizza rolls. Taking the free time, i go hop into the shower. I turn on the warm water and apply my good smelling body wash to my loofa. i cleanse myself and start to rinse the soap off. The pain in my head starts to go away as i let the water run through my brown curls. I apply a generous amount of shampoo to my scalp and start to message it in. How did I even get so lucky to be doing this? I wouldn't imagine even being this happy to go hangout with my Ex. I broke her heart. I wouldn't even forgive myself. You broke up with her because it was for your own good. For the fifth time today I roll my eyes at myself. 

I rinise out the shampoo and grab a towel as I step outside the shower. Wrapping the towel around my waist, i grab a smaller one dry my upper half. I glance over at the clock in my room and start to comb through my hair. Deciding to get dressed, i throw on my navy blue shorts and grab my white button up and head down stairs to eat. Adelia set the plate out for me. My mouth waters at the sight of them. I start to much away as she begins to question me. " A donde vas?"

"A bonfire, with a friend." i reply in between throwing pizza rolls in my mouth. She nods and continues to clean. "Did you tell your dad?" She questions again. I lie and nod. I'll just text him later, it's not like he'll really care. "I won't be out late, i swear." I reassure her as i clean my own plate. She smiles in response and tells me to continue on. 

The time reads 5:50 so i throw on my shirt and spray some cologne, careful not to overdue it. I check myself out in my mirror as I throw on my white vans. Not bad. I smile at myself. I text her that I am on my way, and I send my dad a text about my whereabouts. As i am about to step out the door, Adelia hands me towels and a blanket, I smile and thank her as i step out.  I sit in my drivers seat and prepare myself, for tonight's events.

I make my way down to the address she sent me, it's been awhile since i've been here, but the route is familiar. Parking outs side of her house, i get out and adjust my collar. I gulp with nervousness and ring her bell. I look around her yard as I wait for her response. Moments later the door opens and I am greeted by her mom. "Emiliano? It's been so long! Come in, Come in!" She exclaimed. "Thank you Mrs. Rivas" i respond politely. "She'll be down soon, Would you like a water?" She offers. "No thank you ma'am i'm good. " As i decline her offer, Kadence walks down the stairs. My face lights up at the view. She looks absolutely beautiful and she doesn't even have to try. A smile spreads across my face as we make eye contact. " I hope my mom's not boring you." She snickers but laughs. Her mom shakes her head and hugs Kadence goodbye. "It was nice seeing you Mrs. Rivas." I wave as I open the door for Kadence.

We walk out to my car and I open the door for her. "What a gentlemen." she gushes. I smile and nod in response as I hop in the drivers seat. "It's actually kind of far, if you don't mind." She says as she punches in the address into my gps. "No that's fine." I respond as i start the drive. A comfortable silence fills the car, My heart is beating so loud that i'm sure she could hear it. I lean to turn on the radio and SUMMER by BROCKHAMPTON starts to play through the speakers. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kadence's face light up. "You like this song?" i question as i turn to look back at the road. "I've only really listened to it and handful of times but it's a good song." She laughs. As i try to remain focus on the road, I hear humming to parts of the song. I can feel the blood rushing onto my cheeks. This is really like the fifth time i've blushed around her, she might think i'm crazy. 

As we reach our destination, I lower the music to find a good parking spot. I hop out and open her door as she thanks me. I pop the trunk and pull out the bag with a blanket and towels. Kadence leads me to the bonfire, for what is a long walk, feels like it only lasted a few seconds. We arrive at the bonfire in this secluded part of the beach. There is many people here. I pull closer to her as we enter the scene and eyes fall upon her. Not to be a jealous controlling freak, i can't help but to pull closer to her, for safety of course. 

"Emiliano?" I hear a voice call out as I step into full view of everyone. Shit, it's Dario. Kadence looks up at me and then back over to Dario. "Uh-Hey man" I say as I temporarily part myself from Kadence. "I thought you had other plans."he lowers his voice. I nod and glance over at Kadence talking to her friends. "I do." Dario follows my gaze and quickly slaps my arm. "Seriously dude? You bailed on me to be with your ex and not even tell me?" He says half joking. I can't help but smile at his jealousy. "I was trying to avoid your snarky comments." I sneer. 

As we begin to talk, a couple of people begin to recognize me. "Hey you're alive!" one says, followed by another. "Yeah that was a nasty hit you took yesterday." I roll my eyes but nod. Kadence spots me again and walks over to my side. "Do you guys want anything to drink?" She asks Dario and I. I shoot him a look to at least be nice. "Yeah, I'll take a beer." Dario responds and I agree with him. Idon't normally drink, but the way I keep getting nervous around her, I sure could use it. She hands us the beers and I thank her. 

She pulls me over from Dario and over to a small table. She grabs two small shots and smiles over at me and offers. I decline because i have to be the one driving home. She shrugs and takes both shots in a matter of seconds. Downling another one she squeals in excitement. i cannot help but laugh at her. Staring deep into my eyes, She pulls me again closer to the shore line and out of view from the others. 

A series of giggles leave her mouth. "What?" I laughed. 

'"Nothing, I've just missed being with you." She gushes. 

My face turns a slight shade of red as i continue to admire her. She stares at me intently as she takes a seat on the beach. Together we watch the sunset. Occasionally she takes swigs of my drink, and i can tell she's a light weight. As she stares at the sky changing colors, i can't help but stare at her admiration for the sunset. She is as beautiful as the sky, if not, even more beautiful.

I lean down to her ear and whisper," Te ves hermosa esta noche."

She quickly glances up at me and we lock eye contact. Her brown orbs stare deeply into my blue ones. I wanted to lean in to kiss her, but i know for a fact it would be too soon. 

"You know I have poor spanish speaking skills Emilio." She giggles. 

"i said 'You look beautiful tonight'" 

She smiles at my comment and nervously mumbles a small thank you. She did always hate when i complimented her. She just never truly got what I saw. 

She turns to me and quickly stands to her feet and pulls off the white jacket she was wearing. I gawk at her as she reveals the maroon top to her two piece. And boy does she have the perfect body. The color compliments her skin tone and adds to her beauty. It's like she's teasing me and she knows what she's doing.

She glances down at me and splashes me with the incoming tide. I quickly stand to my feet and go to grab her. She squeals at my contact but she doesn't pull away. Unsure of what I was going to even do, i just stand there completely in awe. I can feel her breath hitch in her throat as she notices the close proximity of our bodies. She reaches up to the collar of my shirt and starts to fuss with the top buttons. Scared if i breathe I'll kill the moment, I let her undo the buttons.

There's a strong ache in my chest again. I ignore it and pull off my shirt and throw it near her jacket. She looks taken aback as she closely observes me. 

She step backs and clears her throat. The moment was over and the cold air replaces the warmth she provided. She giggles and steps into the water and starts to go deeper. I followed her in until the water reaches right before our waist. She looks closely at me admiring the moon. 

"How are you?" She questions.

"I'm good" I respond. My eyebrows furrow in confusion, she asked me this earlier.

"Don't lie to me Emilio" she snapped. 

Taken aback at her sudden outburst, I sgh.

"I couldn't tell you even if i wanted to." i reply avoiding her stare.

She steps forward to me and pulls my face to look at her. A flash of sorrow fills her eyes. 

"Don't sympathize me" i snap as I pull her hands off my face. 

"Emilio, what happened?" she mumbles.

I turn away so she cannot see the tears forming in my eyes.

She keeps her distance and I can hear her sigh as i start to head back ashore. I grab my white shirt and start walking away from the bonfire. I lookover at everyone having fun and I can feel the ache inside of me grow stronger. Dario catches my eye and mouths whats wrong. I shake my head and continue on. 

I hear her lightly following me. Once out of sight of everyone i stop and sit on the sand again. She sits next to me but doesn't make eye contact, but i know she's waiting for me to confess to her. She never would give up until I did. Sighing from defeat, i give in.

"She died." I mumble. She looks over in my direction and her eyes fill with sympathy and confusion. "My mom," i continue, "It was so sudden, none of us saw it coming, I guess she kept it a secret that she was sick." 

Kadence gasps but urges me to continue," Alec left months beforehand but, it's like he left me to suffer alone. " i choke out. "And my dad, gosh my f*cking dad, he threw himself into work. He started staying out so late and rarely coming home. i was so alone, Kadence." I sobbed. There i crack like an egg again, i try to scoop myself back together, but it's too late. She sees my sorry heart.

Not being able to even move forward with my story, my heart hurts and the pain grows deeper. She moves closer to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders embracing me in a hug. "Oh Emilio.." she whispers into my ear.

It feels like hours that we were sitting there, though I know it was only a mere couple of minutes. We decide to head home, I say goodbye to Dario who has been eyeing me for the last 5 minutes. 

We walk over to the car and start the drive home. It's quiet and "Streetcar" By Daniel Caesar is quietly playing through the speakers. She hasn't said much of a word to me, and i'm afraid i messed it all up. I sigh as i let my mind take over me. The car approaches her house but she doesn't leave, instead she sit there.

Finally she turns to me and I can see the care in her eyes as she leans forward. "I've missed this, I had fun tonight." 

I smile at her attempt to clear the silence. "I had fun too, and I've missed you." I whisper the last part. 

She leans back and I hop out the car to open the door for her. She steps out and I walk her to her front door. She brown eyes look up at my blue ones and for a moment, i see vulnerability in her eyes. I lean down and my lips graze hers. I pull back a bit to get a look at her face. She leans in closer and seals the kiss. Her lips provide warmth to my cold ones. It feels good. I pull away and a blush spreads across my face. "Goodnight Miss Rivas" I whisper after planting one last kiss on her lips. She smiles up at me and winks. "Goodnight Emilio."

I watch her walk into her house before pulling off. i cannot help but smile. Of course that's been my problem when i'm with her. 

 

What turned out not to be a good day, ended up to being a great one. I think to myself as i enter my house. Adelia is sitting on the couch awaiting upon my arrival. I send a smile her way and a Thanks for waiting up to ensure I got home safely. I head upstairs to bed.

Closing my eyes, the ache in my chest strengthens. Unsure of what it is, i choose ignore it once again, I fall into a deep slumber. 

 

:)

 
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