Simpatico Outcasts

❝Everyone thinks that the outcasts are the rejects, don't fit into groups or societies; they're the ones people don't want. But they're wrong, because outcasts do belong somewhere. Together.❞

♡♡♡

For 17-year-old, Cecil Jones, the Simpatico Outcast group had become her world. A world in which she could avoid her home, her family and anything else she didn't want to think about. She'd found comfort in having a group, and even a boyfriend, despite never knowing where she was going to sleep at night. But after one weekend, everything changes again and she's forced into the realisation that you can't just ignore the wounds before they've healed. And no matter how hard you try to bury the past, it comes back to haunt you.

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5. Five ⦁ Shower Thoughts

 

⦁ Cecil ⦁ 

I tossed and turned that night because I knew it shouldn’t have happened. None of that should have happened. Why hadn’t I stopped myself? 

Because I wanted it. I wanted every single kiss. Every single second. I wanted to feel like energy running through my veins. 

I had been right about Reggie. The second my lips touched his, I knew he was going to kiss back. I knew he wasn’t going to stop. He wanted that too. 

But neither of us should have done it. 

I was a bad person. I was a cheater. 

I rolled on to my back, staring up at the ceiling. Tears filled my eyes but I didn’t want to cry. I was strong, wasn’t I? I could pretend nothing happened. I could walk back in to school and just be like the me people usually see. 

I could survive the rest of the weekend without doing anything crazy, couldn’t I? 

The answer was no. 

As I tiptoed out of bed in the morning and pulled back the curtain partition there was an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. Reggie was sprawled on the sofa, still asleep. He looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake him as I edged in to the bathroom. 

Unfortunately the hinges were creaky. 

His eyes opened and he cleared his throat, pushing himself slightly more upright. 

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice groggy. 

“8.30,” I replied. “I couldn’t sleep.” 

Usually I wouldn’t get up so early but I’d been in such a light sleep that when I woke up for the fifth time I was sick of trying to sleep again. 

Reggie rubbed at his tired eyes, blinking at me. “Are you alright?” 

I nodded slowly. “I was just going to have a shower.” 

“Okay.” He nodded his head towards the door and sunk slowly downwards in to his sleeping position again. As I started to close the bathroom door behind me I saw his eyes flutter closed again. 

I turned to the shower, pulling my clothes off as I run it to warm. I undid my hair, grabbing some shampoo and conditioner from my bag. I then stepped into the water and let the water fall over me. 

I tried to calm my thoughts. Think of Archie. But with every second more I was in the shower, thinking about Reggie laying on the sofa, I wanted to go out there and kiss him again. 

Once I was finished in the shower I climbed out, looking for a towel. Except there wasn’t one in sight. Shit. 

I contemplated for a minute before I stuck up head out of the door, hiding the rest of my body. 

“Reggie,” I called. He woke up again. 

He rose his eyes to me and then looked awkward. 

“I need a towel,” I told him and he stumbled up off the sofa. He went to the cupboard to get a towel and walked to the door. He passed it over, his eyes lingering on my bare arm, and up towards my face. 

I grinned slightly and whispered, “you want a look, don’t you?” 

Reggie stepped backwards, looking more awkward. He fumbled with his words. “No... I...” 

“Shh.” I reached out a finger to his lips. He stopped trying to talk, his breathing heightened. 

I wrapped the towel around me behind the door and pulled it back. He looked like he was trying not to look as I stepped forward, his face blushing red. 

I turned and picked up my bag, grinning at him as I passed him. I left wet footprints across his floor but he didn’t say anything. He just stood there and watched me. I winked before I pulled back the curtain to hide myself again and turned to getting dressed. 

I heard Reggie walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I wondered if I had annoyed him... Had I made him too awkward? 

Fully clothed I sat on the end of the bed. Why had I done that? I shouldn’t have done that. He didn’t see anything but why had I done that? 

I laid down heavily, my legs dangling over the edge of the bed. I cursed at myself. This was unfair to Archie, and to Reggie. I shouldn’t just get him all flustered because I like it. I shouldn’t be doing anything to him. I shouldn’t be kissing him. 

But he kissed back. Last night, he had kissed back. In his eyes I could see the spark, the desire. He had liked it. But did he want more, or was he now regretting everything? 

I yanked back the curtain again, plonking my bag on the chair and setting up my mirror on the coffee table. I slowly started to apply my makeup. I tried to focus on that instead of the thoughts in my brain. 

When Reggie came back in to the room he quickly grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and mumbled, “I need to get more milk.” 

The door banged shut behind me, leaving me to only the silence and my thoughts. I couldn’t help feeling I had upset him. He’d averted my eyes, his face had looked sullen and he had spoken without really talking directly to me. Maybe that was all my fault. 

I was a bad person. 

I fiddled around in my bag and shoved the makeup back in. I pulled out my phone and opened the contacts. I hovered over Archie’s name before I pressed it. 

It rung and rung but he didn’t pick up. When it went through to voicemail I paused. What was I going to say anyway? I wasn’t going to tell him about what had happened, was I? I couldn’t bring myself to do it. 

Instead, I put on a happier voice and said, “hey, just wanted to wish you a great weekend. I hope you have fun with your family and I... I love you.” The phone beeped as the message was recorded and sent. 

I chucked my phone on the coffee table, and leaned back against the arm chair. Tears sparkled in my eyes. What I had said, that wasn’t true, was it? I didn’t love Archie. I don’t think I ever did. I just wanted to be loved. 

I was just a selfish person. A bad selfish person. Just like my parents always said. 

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