My Past, My Ghost

Jeg skrev det for nogle år siden, men ordne gælder stadig.

Det handler om mobning/svigt og mest af alt om spørgsmålet; Hvorfor? Det er skrevet i den mellem vej jeg stadig står på. Efter det er sket, men før det er glemt

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1. Why, Why me?

Many years has past, but the memories still haunts me everyday. Everything they did, and the unanswered question why. Why me. I now know that I’m not alone, but why do I still feel this way then. I mean I’m older and defiantly not the same, but that little sad and miserable girl I ones was still haunts me everyday. I know it sounds stupid, but I, for some reason, want to make her proud. I just don’t know how. I mean I have proofed a lot of people wrong by being where i am to day, but I still don’t feel happy or at peas. I still feel that they were right in a way. It's that question WHY that haunts me. I so badly want to justify what they did to me for so many years, that i completely forgot how to look forward.

 

A lot of people don’t really know me because of that. Only those small parts of me that I’m willing to show them. Is a tool that my father taught me, as a way to protect myself from people who can hurt me. One thing that I have learned is that everybody can stab you in the back, even without reason to do so. I know its wrong to think that way, but I can’t help it.

 

I don’t want revenge for what they did, just a chance to be truly happy again. A chance to trust, without constantly worrying about if they really care about me or just want me to listen without really having to listen back.


I want to open up. I really do, and I need to. But I just still don’t believe that anyone will care enough about me or wont listen to what I got to say. I mean they forget. That's was hurts the most. They forget, but I don’t. And if they don’t remember, it must mean that they just don’t care enough to really listen. Right?

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