Cheater

These are two poem-like letters I wrote to a boy who cheated on me. They're apart of a series I'm writing called "Letters That Lost Their Stamps." This series is called this because these letters are open letters. They're not for the people they're written to, and they're not meant to be read. They're meant to be felt.

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2. Forgetting Who You Are

The room was spinning and my mind was swimming in misplaced blame when I forgot who you were.

My eyes were drowning in held back tears, my heart jumping around unsure of everything.

It is on the edge of misery that I forget who you are.

You see, I looked over and saw you. And for the first time in months, instead of a burning hate, I looked at you with a cold longing.

I took a step. In that moment, all I wanted was to run crying into your arms.

I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. I wanted to feel safe again.

I wanted to have someone who understood, who loved me, just hold me while I let it all out.

I wanted to trust you with my fragile heart, like I’d so stupidly done before.

And then I stopped and remembered who you really were.

I remember that you aren’t who I want you to be.

I know that if I ran to you, you would have held me but you wouldn’t have cared. You would only be pondering what you would get out of it.

I remember that you aren’t a safe haven, but a sweet poison.

I know that if I told you everything you would measly pretend to understand, but somehow still make me feel like the crazy one.

I remember that you are a compulsive liar and that my fragile heart would end up as a toy in you self-serving schemes.

I realize that I only long for you because I am on the edge of misery.

And I know the edge of misery is temporary, but the damage you inflict is permanent.

Once again, I remember who you are.

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