Saviour for the Broken

Tommy Joe Ratliff falls into a deep dark depression and starts cutting because he falls in love with his boss Adam Lambert. But Adam doesn't return the feelings until he stumbles into the bathroom to an unconscious Tommy. After that Tommy has to battle not only his demons but also the hatred on social media

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4. Tommy's POV

Note Self harm in this chapter

Over the next couple of weeks after I made the mistake, I keep cutting when Adam is not around. By this stage I have started on my thighs as there is no more room on my wrists.

One night I hear Adam on the phone talking to Sauli and he makes plans for Sauli to visit him for a holiday. I just can’t take it anymore as I think that they are back together. I run out of the room and just climb into his bed too pretend I’m a sleep so he won’t see my face as it’s in the pillow.

The next afternoon Adam walks in on me cutting after getting home early from the studio, he makes me promise to never do it again and go and talk to him if the urges are too much.

The next day I can’t take it anymore and I break down once again and this time I make Adam sit down with me so we can talk about what was said 3 weeks ago about me loving Adam. Adam tells me that he only loves me as a friend and nothing more.

A week passes after the talk and I have gone back to cutting. This time I open old ones that have healed as I have no more room on my body. I can’t cope anymore and I think of ways to end it all. I start to think that Adam will be better off without him so he can go back to Sauli.

I stash a lot of Panadol away where Adam can’t find it in my suitcase in case I need it.

 

Adam was asked to do a benefit concert for needy and sicks kids and he agrees to do it but only with my help. He pleads to me that he really needs my help with the organisation and the performance. I slowly agree to help him, I help Addy organise it and when we start to practice we do fever again which involves the fever kisses.

The night of the concert goes down well and they raise a lot of money for the kids. After the concert we go out to a bar and get wasted. It brings back a lot of memories of my father that I still have not gotten over the death of. It is all way too much on me and I tell Adam I am moving out but Adam won’t allow that to happen, as he still thinks I need his help which deep down I know is true.

The next day it all gets too much for me again and I send Adam a message saying “I’m sorry I can’t cope anymore, I love you and will see you in the Aftermath”. I take the blade to my wrists once again and this time I cut deeper and deeper until I can’t see or feel anything and pass out on the floor of Adams bathroom.

Adams POV

 

I receive a message from Tommy, I hope he is ok he wasn’t good last night. A chill runs down my spine once I read the message. I run back to my car and speed home only to find Tommy on the floor bleeding and unconscious. I fall to the floor with tears in my eyes as I now realise that I do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, I realised it when I walked in and saw him. I was kidding myself all they weeks back when Tommy told me how he felt. I thought I loved him like a brother, boy was I wrong. I think he is dead, my broken boy is dead until I check his pulse and realise that he is still alive but barely, I need to get help straight away and dial 911.

I arrive at the hospital in time to see my broken boy being wheeled into a room. I barge up to the receptionist and demand to see him and they say I’m sorry family only after he has been seen by a Dr. I tell her that he is my boyfriend and nothing will keep me from my soulmate. She finally agrees just to get me away from her and to stop yelling which is disturbing the whole ANE.  She tells me that he is in room 291 down the hall.

I run too his room and barge in as the Dr has just finished examining him. The Dr looks over towards me and tells me that he is ok and should regain consciousness in a few days. He had lost a lot of blood and they have to give him a transfusion to stop him from deteriorating any further.  I sit by his bedside and refuse to leave until he has regained consciousness. I hold his hand every day and don’t let it go.

Day after day night after night I sit there with my broken boy who I nearly lost. One night the same Dr that saw his dad walked in the room and recognises me. He asks me what happened and I tell him. He then tells me to talk to him as that can help with patients in a coma, he also tells me that it sounds and looks like he is very depressed. He tells me that he will also start him on Depression medication to help as soon as he wakes up. As Dr Stylinson is examining him, I just sit there and stroke his cheek and tell him over and over again that I am sorry; I do love him after all. That I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Dr Stylinson says to me that he could tell the last time he saw us that we were made for each, the same as he could with his husband and him when they first got together. I tell him I didn’t realize I loved him until  4 days ago when I found his bleeding and unconscious body on my bathroom floor  as he was staying with me so I could help him get over his father’s death. I also said that I had caught him cutting a few days ago and asked him to come talk to me if he wanted to. Dr Stylinson said that at that time he must have nearly hit rock bottom and nothing anyone could say would have helped him at all not even if I had confessed my love for him earlier. I then told him that at the time of his father’s death we were just best friends who shared a few kisses on stage. Dr Stylinson then said he will be back later to check on him. I dose off to sleep as I have had very little all this time, as I am worried about him, a knock on the door disturbs me I turn to see Ashley our band mate walk in with a strong coffee for me to keep me going.  We talk for a bit until Ashley realizes the time and says she needs to go. We say goodbye.

When she has gone I go back to my spot and hold his  hand again, I start talking to him again saying that I love him and will not let him  go ever again as I was a fool for not realizing before that I was in love with him. As I say that I feel a squeeze to my hand, I jump up calling for the Dr as Tommy became more conscious after being unconscious for 5 days. Dr Stylinson walks in the room and starts to examine him, telling him welcome back and that he should make a full recovery. He also says that if he is better by tomorrow then he can go home but only if he has someone responsible to look after him. I tell him that he is staying with me and there are no ifs or buts about it.

Tommy's POV

It looks like I have no choice at all in the matter, as Dr Stylinson walks out I turn to Adam and ask him if what he said was true and he really means it that he loves me and won’t let me go. Adam tells me yes it is true that he was a fool for not realizing that he loves me earlier, Adam leans down and presses his lips to mine in a kiss that promises I am his world and nothing or no one can change that. It was way better than the fever kisses; it slowly turns into a make out session until I need to catch my breath. I snuggle into his chest and start to feel at home again. I then realize that Adam is my home. Adam slowly lays us down as he could feel my breathing start to shallow as I drift off to sleep in the arms of the only man I love. Adam

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