Silence

My silence speaks volumes.....

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1. My Silence speaks volumes.....

 

I had managed to cope up until now. The same bitter taste of betrayal stung my throat as I was determined not to cry. The rest of the squad had already sensed the tension growing between me and Hafsa, and I wanted to avoid her to prevent further conflict. She said that I treat everyone 'like they are whores'. I trusted her so much but she decided to spit her feelings about me behind my back and not in front of my face. I had eaten my lunch quickly to try and escape it all, but the usual routine of everyone meeting up outside by the benches was getting closer. Everyone. Including Hafsa. I strolled behind Sam and Aamnah, before dashing upstairs towards the school's libary only to be stopped by the dinner lady.

'' The libary is full. Go back down please.''

I tried telling her with my eyes that began to water that this was not possible in a thousand years because the rest of the squad was downstairs, getting ready to go out. So, I dont know how I obliged and began climbing back down. I caught a glimpse of Tanzila, who had an expression of worry and doubt plastered on her face. To be honest, I felt sorry for her. She was a close friend towards me and Hafsa but now was torn all because Hafsa was not as reliable as I thought she was. Tanzila was beckoned outside by Hafsah H and the rest. That hurt me even more. These people who have'nt even realised that I tried to ditch them because they were too busy trying to have fun. I reached the bottom of the stairs and ran into the toilets. I had just about managed to cope with everything happening in my life, but today, the smallest act of betrayal let out an agony inside of me. If it rains because the clouds are getting heavy, then I can cry because my heart cant take the weight of anymore pain. I began to cry because of all the bullshit happening in my life and Hafsa was just making it worse. Three-years worth of tears all flooded down my cheeks as I tried to control my breathing. My chest was shuddering and my arms were shaking but with effort I managed to calm myself down before stepping out again. I went out into the playground and leaned against a wall, contemplating my shitty life.

''Amaan, are you okay? I just want us to be back to normal. The group is dead without you, there is nothing to talk about.We are still friends, right?'' Tanzila's voice. For once, I actually wanted to tell her that we would always be friends and that it's nice to have someone appreciate what I do, instead of back-chatting. But my tongue stayed rigid and cold as I hid my face in the shadow of my hoodie...

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