b r o k e n .

“Before you, I felt like nothing. Before you, all I wanted was death. Before you, no one loved me.”

Alison was extremely suicidal until she met the love of her life, her best friend Jake.

So this is basically my life story, I was really suicidal until I met my best friend, Brandon. Since then I’ve been really happy. If you are suicidal, call for help. Death is not the answer.

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1. the runaway

Alison’s POV

I never wanted it to end like this. I just wanna be a kid again. Remember when we didn’t make our scars? Remember when sadness occurred because of something so simple? Remember when happiness was toys, friends and family? That’s how I want it to be. But it’s not gonna be that way. There’s no way I can go back in time and be the kid I was. Now, I only think about death. I can’t be happy anymore. Life is too hard. I need to end it.

I threw my notebook into my bag. I was planning on running away. To someone, I don’t know who. No one gives a crap about me. Maybe I’ll go to Sam. She’s the type of person who would take someone in. Oh, wait. She brings a guy every other night. I’ll just go to Kass. I throw some lady things into my bag as well as my wallet and phone. I rip a page out of my notebook and write something to my brother. He’s the only one who really understands me.

‘Kayden, I’m going out for the weekend. I’ll see you on Monday. Don’t worry, I brought some instant noodles with me. I’ll be fine.’

I put a few more things into my bag. I grab the keys and head out. I walk to Kass’s house and knock on the door. She opens the door and has a nervous look on her face. Jace, her boyfriend, is on the couch, fly half way open. Kass has hickeys all over her neck. Her hair is messy.

“Wrong time?” I say.

“Come in Ali. Something is clearly wrong. You ran away, didn’t you?” She replies.

“Well.. yeah.” I say, but I hate ruining moments.

I step in. She nudges Jace and he walks to one of the rooms. She takes my bag and places it beside the couch. She seems to care about me but I know when someone secretly hates me.

“What’s wrong, Ali?”

“I went here because I’m tired of having to live with my dad. All he does is drink. And when he’s drunk he abuses me. I hate going through this. I’m staying here for a week, only if it’s fine with you.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry about that. I’ll let you stay. My parents aren’t coming until the end of the month. But just don’t go upstairs.”

She’s such a hypocrite. I know she hates me. Oh well.

I take my bag off my back as Kass leads me to the room I’m supposed to stay in. I place my bag there. It’s a pretty girly room, with pink and purple walls and a girly drawer, a girly closet, a girly lamp, a girly mirror, I’m in girly heaven. I’d much rather be in hell. I was a tomboy growing up, I wore all my hats backwards, wore baggy basketball shorts, cut my hair short, wore gamer shirts and a lot more. I’ve changed a lot. Now I dress like normal teenagers. I unpack important things like my phone, wallet, notebook, and my razor blade. I take some clothes out, too.

I turn my phone on. There’s a text from who knows, I delete it, though. It said ‘Kill yourself cunt.’ Yeah I wanna do that but I’m at Kass’s house. Not right now. Kass is cooking something so I check what’s going on.

“Hey, want spaghetti?” She asks me. No, a million times no. I. Hate. Spaghetti. Bye.

“Nah, I’ll past. Besides, I have instant noodles. I eat what I have.” I say. I try not to be rude but I hate spaghetti with a passion. I don’t know why and I don’t wanna know why.

“Okay. I’ll cook your food.” She says. Yay. I’m a shitty cooker and I would never wanna burn someone/someone’s house. I’m used to other people cooking for me. Kayden always cooks my food. And he doesn’t just make good food, he makes delicious food.

When Kass finishes cooking my noodles I eat up. I don’t wanna get fatter so I take a little bit. I don’t care if I’m starving. I’m ugly. Anyways, I wonder if Jace is still embarrassed about what happened earlier. That was awkward as hell. At least Kass wasn’t on his dick. Eek. Now they’re watching some cheesy ass movie, cuddling on the couch. I want a relationship like that but I’m never gonna get it. Oh well.

I finish my noodles and head to my room for now. I flop down on the bed and take my notebook and a pen. It’s only 10 but I’m tired. Before I sleep, I write a diary entry.

‘I haven’t written in here for a while. Anyways I’m at Kass’s place and I’m staying here for the week. When I got here Kass and Jace were about to fuck, ew. It was really awkward but thank god that moment is over. It’s only 10 but I’m tired. Night.’

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