Can't Remember To Forget You (Harry Styles)

There's one person that can see right through the façade Chloe Hayes puts on after her life is turned around, and it's none other than her soon-to-be step brother, Harry Styles.

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25. ~Chapter Twenty-Three~

Harry and I lay in his bed, deliciously exhausted from the most wonderful love-making of my life. I guess the pent up sexual frustration from the day really added to it, and I can’t say I minded what Harry had planned now that I’m basking in this post-coital glow.

“I feel like we should get up and go do something, but I don’t wanna leave this bed.” I tell Harry as we lay tangled in each other.

“Same.” He says on a laugh. “Let’s just lay here forever.”

“I’m game.” I smile against his chest.

I don’t know how long we lay there, in this comfortable silence, but it gives my mind plenty of time to think.

“Where did you go the weekend when you left?” I timidly ask. I’m not even completely sure that I want to know, but my curiosity is eating me away. If he wasn’t here of with any of his friends, where would he be?

“Not in any one particular place…” I feel him shrug beneath me.

“What does that mean?”

“I just drove my bike around. I think the farthest I got was Santa Cruz. Then I turned around once I realized how much of a bastard I was being.” He sighs. “I’m sorry about that, you know. I overreacted, and I shouldn’t have just left.”

“Harry, it’s okay. I understand.”

“Don’t. It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so fucking mad. I didn’t know what to think when I saw you on the phone with Grant, and I felt like I was losing you. You have no idea how that felt. I was more angry with myself for falling so deep for you that it hurt so much. I know it sounds odd, but I was mad that I cared for you so much.”

Oh.

“So you just drove for three days?” I ask, hoping to get change the subject somewhat.

“Basically. I didn’t sleep. Even if I tried, I don’t think I could’ve.”

“When did you crash your bike?”

“The day I came back. Like I said, I hadn’t slept, and I was just caught up in my head. I was careless and wasn’t paying attention. Some dude saw me trying to fix my bike and offered me a ride. That’s how I got home.”

My heart clenches at the thought of something worse happening. “Can we talk about something else?” I ask.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He murmurs. “So, what did you and my Mum do today?”

“We had some quality time.” I smile at our conversation from earlier. “We talked about the wedding, you...”

“Me?”

“Yep. She told me all of your secrets.” I tease and snuggle further into his chest.

“Did she now?” He chuckles. “Looks like I have to spend some more time with your dad and do some digging myself.”

“You wouldn’t hear much more than what you already know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah. You know just about everything about me, more than anyone else probably.” I tell him honestly. Maybe Cassidy is up there with him, but lately, we’ve naturally drifted apart with my move to San Diego.

“Same goes for you.” Harry says. “You know me more than anyone. Sometimes I think you know me more than I know myself.” He laughs almost sadly at that.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you as well as you know me,” I admit. Sure, I know him enough to realize that I have deep feelings for him, but half the time I just don’t understand him.

“I’m trying, Chloe. But trust me when I say, I’ve told you more about myself than anyone. Not even Louis or any of the other guys know about Gemma, or any of that shit.”

I nod against his inked, bare chest and decide to leave it at that. I know he’s trying, and I know that over time he will open up more and more if the past is any indication of the future. I’ll give him time, because I know what it’s like not wanting to show my true self to people. Hell, I’m still guilty of being closed off, the main example being the fact that I haven’t told Anne about my Mum yet.

“Chloe?” He whispers after a few minutes of silence between us.

“Hm?”

“I knew you were the one the second I saw you. That night I met you at dinner when you first moved here.”

I try to look up at his face, but he holds me tighter against him and nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, his mouth close to my ear. “The one?” I ask.

“The one to bring me back to life,” He sighs. “I was in such a bad place before I met you. I was drinking and smoking myself to sleep every night. Nothing meant anything to me. At that point, I didn’t care if drank myself to death, because life was meaningless to me.”

A feel the tears begin to well in my eyes. I’m speechless. All I can manage to ask is, “How did you know I was the one?

He pulled away from me and took my face in his hands, forcing me to look into his beautiful, green eyes. “Because my heart started beating again.”

The tears fall from my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat. That is the deepest, most meaningful thing someone’s said to me, and I’m completely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at this whole situation. I’ve been living moment to moment, and I’ve never really taken a step back to evaluate all of this.

Harry looks down at me like I’m the only thing that exists. “I love you so much, and it scares me Chloe. I’ve never loved anyone but my family before, and it’s all so new to me, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t lose you, baby. I’ll do anything for you, you’re my everything.”

Wow. I can hardly take this. I’m overwhelmed, shocked, speechless, dumbfounded, overcome, touched… whatever you want to call it, but it’s too much. This is all simply too much.

I don’t know what to say, so I settle for a simple, “I love you, Harry,” until I can find better words.

Harry takes a deep breath and let’s it out, and I don’t know whether that’s a sigh of relief or something else. I chose to ignore it and let him hold me until the words come to me.

I absent-mindedly begin tracing the ink on his bare chest, something I’ve come to love. The patterns, letters and figures inked on him give me some more insight on who Harry really is.

I trace my finger tips over the swallows on his chest before following the patterns to his ribs.

I immediately still at the new letters my fingers find. If I though I was speechless and overwhelmed before…

“What is this?” I whisper and sit up to turn on the lamp next to Harry’s bed.

“Huh?”

“Harry, why is my name on your body?” I begin to panic. “Is it temporary?” I ask as I lick my finger and bring it to his ribs.

“No, it’s a tattoo. A real tattoo.” Harry informs me with a smile on his face. He grabs my wrist to stop me from trying to rub off the ink, which I now know is permanent.

“A tattoo?” I gape. “Harry,” I don’t know what I want to say, so I just stare at the black ink.

“I’m surprised you didn’t notice it earlier.” He smiles.

“When did you get it? Why didn’t you tell me? Or ask me?” I blurt out.

“The other day, the day you told me you loved me.” He states. My mind wanders to the day that I told him, the day he wouldn’t let me leave the house, the day he freaked out when he couldn’t find me when he came home.

Shit. When I hugged him that day, and he flinched, that wasn’t because of his hurt rib after the accident, it was because he had gotten this tattoo.

“Why didn’t you tell me then? Or before?”

“I wanted to wait until it healed up. I took the bandage off this morning, I guess you were a little preoccupied earlier to notice.” He winks.

How is he okay with this? He has my fucking name branded on his body!

“Do you like it?”

My mouth opens, but again, I’m speechless. I don’t know if I like it! Of course, the gesture is very meaningful, and it shows his commitment to me, but woah. Talk about moving too fast.

“I’m just a little overwhelmed.” I laugh uneasily. “Ask me that question again tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He laughs, and I’m positive he thinks I’m joking.

I’m thankful he let’s it go after that though, changing the subject to something Niall said earlier that he thought was funny. The rest of the night turns out to be Harry talking, and me speaking only a little. He eventually falls asleep, but I know sleep isn’t coming to me any time soon.

I watch my sleeping Harry for about two hours, trying to make sense of this all. I know that he loves me. I know that I love him. I know that I love what we have together. But I also know that we—or he rather—is moving to fast. This is far too overwhelming, and everything Harry has said, and showed me tonight has made me realize that I need to find a way to slow this down, otherwise this could end very quickly and very badly.

 

 

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