Can't Remember To Forget You (Harry Styles)

There's one person that can see right through the façade Chloe Hayes puts on after her life is turned around, and it's none other than her soon-to-be step brother, Harry Styles.

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20. ~Chapter Eighteen~

Harry’s POV

I sighed as Chloe trued to convince me I could tell her anything. Sure, she says that now, but I’m sure she has no idea the severity of what I’m about to tell her.

“It’s kind of a long story.” I tell her, forcing myself not to laugh. Hell yeah it’s a long story, it’s the story of my whole fucking life. It’s what’s turned me into such an asshole, as much as I hate to admit it.

She prompts me to continue, and I force myself to look away from her beautiful eyes. It makes me feel even more guilty than I already do. I don’t deserve her, and she doesn’t deserve me keeping this from her if, by some miracle, she decides to stay with me.

“I killed my sister.” I blurt out. I risk a glance at her and see her eyes wide open and her mouth agape with shock.



*Flashback*
Two years ago...

“I’m off to work, bye Mum.” Gemma announced and hugged my Mum as I was doing homework at the kitchen table. I only had one more assignment to do before I was done, then I could go to Ian’s house.

“I need the car tonight.” I spoke from across the kitchen.

Me and Gemma shared a car, and it was the most frustrating thing ever. She was a few years older than me, but she still lived at home. Our parents told us if we wanted a car of our own, we’d have to share. So we did. And it sucked.

She always had work at the coffee shop downtown or wanted to go out with her friends, and I always wanted to hang out with my own friends.

“Then drop me off at work and you can have it.” Gemma told me. This is how it usually went, we’d alternate dropping the other off where they wanted to be and take the car for the night.

“Let me finish this.” I said and focused back on the book in front of me.

“No Harry, I need to go now. My shift starts in fifteen minutes, and it’ll take ten to get there. I’m not going to be late again.”

“Figure it out, you two.” My Mum said before kissing my sister's cheek goodbye and leaving the kitchen. “Have a good night at work.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Gemma prompted, her handing gesturing toward the door.

“Okay, okay.” I finished the problem I was on and decided I would just finish the rest tomorrow. Ian’s house was right by the coffee shop Gem worked at, and Macy was already there, so the homework could wait.

I grabbed my jacket and took the keys from her, and we both headed out for the car. I started the engine as soon as we got in, and backed out on the road.

“When are you moving out?” I asked my sister, only half teasing. I was sixteen and she was nineteen, attending a local university. We were pretty close, but I hated that she still lived at home because she hogged the bathroom, and we had to share this car.

She laughed and pulled down the sun visor to look at the mirror while she applied her lip glass. “You love that I still live at home. You’d be lost without me, little bro.”

“Yeah,” I say sarcastically. “Maybe you could buy your own car then?”

“Or you could? This was my car before you got your license.” She has a point.

“Whatever.”

I turned up my music as I turn onto a busier road, and Gemma typed away on her phone, probably texting her damn boyfriend. He was a dumb ass, but for some reason she loved the guy.

“Slow down, Harry, I’d rather be a little late than get pulled over and be really late.”

“I’m not even going that fast.” I lie. I was going 20 over, but right before we left, Macy had texted me saying she was excited to see me, so I was a little eager to drop Gemma off and get to Ian’s.

Macy and I weren’t dating, but she was fun, and that’s all I was looking for right now. She wasn’t the smartest girl in the world, but she was sexy as hell, and that was hard to come by at age sixteen.

“Harry! Watch out!” Gem screamed when I swerved around a semi that was slow as fuck.

“Settle down, Gem.” I laughed. When I made it around the truck, I slowed down, looked at her and stuck my tongue out at her.

“Thank you.” She said with the speed change.

I looked back at the road and slammed on the breaks when I saw the red light.

But it was too late.

*End Flashback*



“I couldn’t stop in time. I ran the light, and a utility truck hit the side of the car she was on.” I took a deep breath when I looked into Chloe’s glossy eyes. I felt a tear escape my own eye at the memory that’s too clear in my mind. “They said she died instantly from the impact. That I was lucky to live. I didn’t feel lucky though.”

“Harry,” Chloe’s voice broke as she stroked my cheek. We were laying on our sides in her bed, but I couldn’t look at her. It made the guilt worse.

“Don’t,” I shook my head and pulled her hand away from my face. “I know it was my fault. Don’t tell me it wasn’t, because it was. I was careless because I wanted to get to my friends house, and I killed my sister.”

I wiped my wet eyes and tried to calm down. I’ve gone through this guilt everyday since the crash, but it feels even worse now.

“But it wasn’t. Harry, mistakes happen.” She said calmly.

I didn’t understand why she was still here. Why she wasn’t angry with me for being so careless. Why she was trying to comfort me and tell me it wasn’t my fault.

“It was a mistake, but I’m still to blame. Gemma’s gone, and she’s not coming back. She doesn’t get to marry Michael like she was going to, she doesn’t get to graduate university, she doesn’t get to have kids, she doesn’t get to live, and it’s all my fucking fault. It’s my fault my parents split up, it’s my fault they hate each other, it’s my fault I’m so fucked up.”

I was now pacing around her room like a lunatic while she sat up on the bed, pleading me to come back to the bed and sit down with her. When she couldn’t get through to me, she bravely stood up and grabbed my flailing arms.

“Harry, calm down.” She whispered and wrapped her arms around my body. “It’s okay to be upset, but let’s talk about it, okay? I’m here, and I’ll listen. I told you that, and I haven’t changed my mind.”

What?

“Why?” I frowned at her.

“Why, what?” She asked as I sat next to her on the bed.

“Why do you want to talk about it? Don’t you think I’m a horrible person for what I’ve done?”

She sighed and pushed my messy hair away from my face. “You’re not a horrible person. It was an accident, and accidents happen. It’s a terrible situation, yes, but you shouldn’t feel so responsible. I’m not running away from you because you made a mistake.” She offered me a reassuring smile and rubbed my back.

“I love you.” I blurted out.

Her breath caught, but she stayed quiet, looking into my eyes. I hadn’t expected her to say anything, because I didn’t even mean to say it. It just came out. Yeah, I had known that I loved her probably since that first night we hung out on the beach, but I'd been too afraid to say it. Too afraid to admit it to someone for the first time. Too afraid that she wouldn’t feel the same way.

But I did say it, because I was sure in my heart that I felt it.

Chloe was sitting in front of me, one hand holding mine, the other stroking my back, even after I told her about my deepest secret. The secret that no one here knew. And she was comforting me. She was promising me she wasn’t going to leave me, and that she would help me through this, like know one had ever done before.

I love her.

I kissed her with everything in me, and I felt like my heart was going to explode. I didn’t care that she didn’t say it back, because by the way she kissed me, I knew she felt the same way, or was at least getting there.

I loved her so much, it hurt. I never wanted to be apart from her. I needed her to be with me always.

I groaned as our tongues stroked each other’s. When her hands ran through my hair, I caressed her soft face and told her I loved her through the kiss.

“Will you tell me more about why your parents split up?” Chloe asked as soon as I pulled away. I saw in her eyes how curious she was, and I knew I needed to tell her since I brought it up… as badly as I didn’t want to. I wanted to quit talking about this, but she deserves answers. I know everything about her, not it’s my turn to tell her about me, well, who I was.

I nod and pull her onto my lap. I scoot the two of us over so my back supported by the headboard of her bed.

“After Gem died,” I took a deep breath, on because I hate admitting out loud that she was really dead. “Everything changed. I mean, obviously things changed, but they really changed.

I can hardly remember the year after the night she died. I was angry, depressed, frustrated, confused… I wasn’t me. My parents, they were upset with me, I knew they were, but they told me it was just an accident, that it wasn’t my fault. Well, at least for a few months.

My parents were stressed and still mourning, so they had begun to drift apart. I didn’t really notice it because I was busy getting drunk every night. After Gem died, I didn’t care about anything anymore. My grades slipped, I started hanging out around the wrong people, I lost my relationship with my parents…

But anyway, my Dad started working more, and I knew my mum didn’t like it. One night, when he got home really late, I heard them yelling at each other, and I heard my name. My Dad was angry that my mum didn’t blame me for what had happened with Gemma… She tried to defend me, but he was still so angry with me. He had only told me it was an accident because he was worried I’d run off and do something stupid, and he didn’t want to lose another kid.”

“He’s wrong, Harry.” Chloe added quietly. “I’m sorry, keep going.”

“He asked her for a divorce. I remember the exact words.” I began, but I had to choke back the tears starting to well up. “He said: ‘I can’t be with you if you are going to act like our son didn’t kill our daughter. How could you let him get away with it? Our Gem is gone because of him, and you’re letting him believe that’s okay.’ I remember my mum trying to tell him it was an accident, and that she knew I was having a hard time and already blamed myself, but he wouldn’t listen to her. He left, and that was that.

After a few weeks he started talking to me again. He told me they split up because they just didn’t want to be together anymore; he didn’t know I had heard what he said… I just let him back into my life because I thought maybe one day he’d be able to forgive me.”

“Did he?” Chloe asked while holding my hands in hers.

“I don’t know. Maybe... Maybe not.” I admitted. “It only took Dad four months to start dating again. He was talking to me, but we weren’t as close as we always had been. If I hadn’t heard what he told my mum, then I probably wouldn’t have noticed. Anyway, he and Sheila got married, and my Mum was heartbroken. She had lost Gemma, then her husband, and she was a mess. One day, she decided she needed to leave. And we ended up here.

She had a friend here from Uni, so that’s why she decided on San Diego. When we first moved, she was gone a lot at her new job, and then she met your Dad. I was glad she was finally moving on, but I was still in a dark place.

When I started school here, I met Louis and the other guys, and they took me in really. At first, I used them because they had alcohol and weed, and that’s all I wanted. But then they really became my friends. Then I met you… and you know the rest.” I took a deep breath upon finishing.

Chloe brought my hands to her face and brushed her lips against my knuckles. It was then when I noticed the tears in her eyes. “Thank you for telling me all of that.” She spoke spoftly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“I deserve it.” I tell her, and I mean it. It sucks, but I truly deserve it. I was careless, and my mistake caused my sister to die, and I am paying for it.

“No you don’t,” She shook her head. “You have so many people that care for you Harry. Your father might blame you, but he’s probably just in denial himself. He’ll work through it. And your mom, she loves you, and she obviously doesn’t blame you. I don’t blame you.”

“Thank you.” I whisper and bury my face in her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “It feels good to tell you about all of this. You’re the only one I’ve ever told.”

Chloe kisses my head before whispering, “I wish I could’ve met her.”

“I wish you could’ve too.” I tell her sincerely.

My head wanders to a life when she could have. Gemma would love Chloe, and I know she would be proud that I found someone, and that I was actually settling down with one girl, one great girl. Then I begin to realize something.

“I miss Gemma everyday.” I tell Chloe. “I always think about her, wish she was still her, regret what happened… but there was one good thing that came out of this situation.”

“What?” Chloe asks.

“I got to meet you. I got to fall in love with you.” I look into Chloe’s beautiful, warm eyes. “Ever since I met you, the void in my heart has gotten smaller. You made me happy again, Chlo. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

Another tear spilled from those eyes, but this time I knew it was a happy tear. Her smile was small when she looked up at me. “You did the same for me.”

I felt my chest expand, and my eyes water. I love this girl more than I could ever explain. “I love you.” I whisper and kiss her like I’ll never be able to again.


​Sad chapter, sorry guys.

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