A Beautiful Exhaustion

This will be a collection of poetry I've written over the past year

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10. Not My Fantasy

I did not get what I was expecting
Instead it was something so new
A feeling of intimidation by another
Or perhaps the reminder that I'm alive
That I'm not really just getting through 
A little message promising that I'm living
A rude awakening from my numb state
Felt the loss of not just one but two friends
A jolt of electricity keeping me from shock 
A shot through the heart rather than my legs
To leave me remaining standing with no heart beating
A twist of the knife that was so cleverly hidden
I suppose I should give props to them for that achievement 
And I would if my tongue weren't stolen away
In their efforts to keep me under their control, silent
I often find myself wondering, whose game are we apart of
And am I a pawn led by perhaps "God" or the devil
Are we really here as volunteers or maybe prisoners
Have I been forced by the hand to remain loyal
Loyal to who? Some sort of evil King?
Where is his Queen, the Queen who keeps him sane?
Oh I should also state sometimes I forget this isn't some fantasy, no it is my reality
I shouldn't call it "my reality"
Because like you all
I have no control
Over any of it
Because this is not my fantasy

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