Tell Me Lies

"go ahead, lie to me again." i told him as i rested my hands on my hips waiting for him to respond.
"I love you" he shakily responded. That my friends, is when my heat dropped and the pain in my chest began to grow. This pain was new, i have never felt this before. This is what i feared the most; Heartbreak.

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2. two

"are you done int here yet?" Luke called out as i was trying on a pair of jeans. i had just lost 20 pounds in about a week, and you know exactly how. i used to be a plus size and now im in a size 2. As soon as I’m about to answer him the door barges open and I’m left exposed my stomach is bare, my cuts are showing. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Luke hands me my shirt and I put it on. After I’m dressed I have no expression and o don’t know what to say, tears are staining my face as I stand in front of Luke. He sighs and pulls me into a welcoming hug, he rubs my back and tells me it’s ok because he doesn’t know what else to say. He just say his best friends sisters self harm scars and doesn’t know how to tell her brother. My head is resting on his chest and wiped my tears. I've always been closest to Luke beside Michael. He feels the need to be nice all the time because nobody else is, even Michael has his moments when hes not very nice. "hey Santana, look at me." he says as i lift my head off his chest and look up in to his crystal blue eyes. "Don't let jack get into your head, everything he did is done. You don't have to worry about him anymore, you look good. i know he made you become this way and you just have to remember that your weight doesn't define you. now lets go, don't try to stop me because i''m buying you these clothes no matter what you say." i wrapped my arms around his torso and mumbled a small thanks before walking out of the fitting room and paying for the clothes. being with Jack made me feel insecure. He never cared for me the way a loving 'boyfriend' should. The 3 years i was with him was hell, he took my virginity without my consent and then acted like everything was fine the next day. I stayed with him because i was afraid of getting hurt again physically and mentally. I would come home after visiting with him and his friends with bruises and cuts, finally the guys realized that i was in an abusive relationship and needed help. One thing lead to another after that, i became depressed and was diagnosed with social anxiety. i was so upset with myself that i began to cut and unfortunately still do. And with that we were sharing earbuds walking out to the car listening to All Time Low. 

 

 

 

 

I wish that didn't happen today, the last thing i need is Luke telling Michael and the guys what happened. I pulled into the driveway and locked the doors. "Santa i swear, unlock this door." Luke said calmly. i unbuckle my seat belt and look at him, "listen, i'm sorry for what happened today. please don;t tell the guys, they will have my ass." i pleaded and he gave in. "you're so lucky i came with you and not one of the others. don't worry, i'm not saying a word." he smiled and i nodded. i grabbed my bags from the trunk and walked inside the house and up to my room. i connected my phone to the pink speakers Luke had given me a while ago and played some Blink-182 as i put my clothes away. After a while i got bored and decided to finish writing my poem outside on the porch swing. 

as i write the last line and sign my name Ashton comes and sits next to me. I'm a bit confused as to why he is sitting next to me. did Luke tell hikm what happened? i look up and run my fingers through my hair and take a deep and shaky breathe, "hey." i said sounding like a question. he frowned and looked at me, "Tana i found your razor blades today." I stopped breathing for a minuete and processed what he had just said. My razor blades. I immediately pulled up my sleeve and looked up at him. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, instead tears rolled down my cheeks and laded on our entwined hands. after an uncomfortable silence he wrapped his hands around my waist and my arms wrapped around his neck, "Tana, i'm always here for you and you know it. I realized that I am most likely the main reason you cut yourself, iv'e been a douche since iv'e meet you. I'm so sorry." i just sobbed some more because that's all i could do. i look up and wipe his tears. why was he crying? this i s a little weird. " I'm sorry Ashton." i manage to reply in between sobs. "Hey don't be sorry, wanna go watch a movie?" he asked trying to cheer me up. This isn't going to last long so why not embrace the fact that Ashton is being nice to me. i nod and grab my notebook and walk into the house. "what movie are we watching?" i ask, curious because every time we watch movies we picks something romantic and cheesy like the notebook. And to my surprise he replied, "We are watching White Chicks." i laughed and commented, "I didn't think you liked White Chicks?" he turned around and took the cd out of the cd player, "Well, i just thought i would do something nice for you because you were not in a very good mood between what happened at the mall and a few hours ago, huh? but since you want to be a jackass and be rude, i'm just going to tell mike what happened today." i gasped and shot up from my spot on the couch, "Ashton Fletcher you wouldn't dare, i didn't blackmail you when you were going through a rough time did i? How do you even know about the mall today? Luke said he wouldn't tell anyone anything?" i asked a little confused, Luke usually wouldn't tell anybody what we talk about, Ashton must be up to something. I didn't want to deal with this anymore so i when up to bed at 7:30 pm, because i love my sleep. 

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